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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Weird bridesmaid’s boyfriend

110 replies

Peridotty · 22/10/2021 17:03

I got married 2 years ago so old story but played on my mind a few times.
On the morning of the wedding, I had a minivan pick up my bridesmaids and me from our hotels to the venue to get ready.
I invited my bridesmaid’s boyfriend to the wedding because they were coming from overseas and they could have a holiday after the event together. I don’t know him well, met him once and he is a very silent character. Only spoke to my friend and not to me. He has a very narrow interest (trains).
On the morning of the wedding he came with me and my bridesmaids in the minivan to the venue to get ready.
He then sat in the bedroom in the corner for the whole morning, not doing anything as we were getting changed and doing our hair and makeup. It was just him + me + 3 bridesmaids.
He didn’t utter a single word. He is extremely quiet and may have aspergers?
The photographer was there taking photos. I really didn’t want him to be in my photos because it would look really weird.
He wasn’t dressed up or anything- wore a sports jacket and sat in the corner just staring at us or looking at his phone.
When I was about to get undressed and get into my wedding dress he had to be prompted to leave the room! He would not have thought to otherwise. He was just staring into space when I said I had to get dressed now (pointedly at him). My bridesmaid had to tell him to leave and he said ‘Oh!!’ Like he didn’t think about it.
He nearly forgot that he had to be in the room with all my guests before I walked down the aisle. I had to get staff to escort him to the other room and have a golf buggy take him. He nearly had to walk down the aisle with us!!!
He was so weird and it was weird that my friend wanted him there, right?

OP posts:
Original poster
Peridotty · 22/10/2021 17:23

@TractorAndHeadphones haha maybe AIBU to think it was really weird. Yes they are still together.
@romdowa 🤣🤣

OP posts:
Sparklfairy · 22/10/2021 17:23

FFS you don't all have to jump on the OP. She obviously felt his overall behaviour wasn't NT and was wondering 'aloud' on an anonymous forum. She hasn't said anything wrong.

TractorAndHeadphones · 22/10/2021 17:26

@Sparklfairy

FFS you don't all have to jump on the OP. She obviously felt his overall behaviour wasn't NT and was wondering 'aloud' on an anonymous forum. She hasn't said anything wrong.
She didn't say anything about that at all - all she said was 'he was weird and its weird my friend wanted him there' , like oh like at this animal in a zoo. And 2 years on.

My guess is something has happened to make you want to voice your suspicious that he is on the autism spectrum. This 'just wondering' business is BS. People don't randomly decide to post for no reason.

Soupseason · 22/10/2021 17:28

[quote Peridotty]@Pythonista lol me. He has a very narrow interest in trains. He loves them, collects models, he knows all the train lines off by heart, he knows all the stations and stops, he will sit on a train just to sit on a train, he was going to a train show after the wedding and he even has his girlfriend (my friend) take photos of trains that she sees.[/quote]
My nephew is like this with airplanes. He doesn't have Aspergers he just really likes planes, finds them fascinating. Sounds like this guy traveled for your wedding & his girlfriend didn't arrange anything for him on the morning & dragged him along with her. He sat in the corner feeling like a spare prick at a wedding Wink & instead of picking up on that you've interpreted it as him being weird.

pinkyredrose · 22/10/2021 17:28

Strange that you wanted him there when it was all the other bridesmaids and you. If you didn't want him there why did you agree? Didn't the other bridesmaids think it was weird?

Original poster
Peridotty · 22/10/2021 17:28

@BertAndErnie244 that’s true, but every autistic person is different right. I only know my dad has it but he would probably not be sitting in the room with us. He would have enough awareness to understand. I didn’t think that I would actually have to ‘shoo’ my friends boyfriend from the room when I was about to get undressed. I initially thought ‘ok he is kind of weird, but maybe it will be ok to just let him sit and I’ll just pretend he isn’t there’

OP posts:
Original poster
Peridotty · 22/10/2021 17:30

@pinkyredrose yeah my sister who was also my BM thought him weird but she thinks it’s also kind of funny what happened.
@Soupseason that’s a good point. He probably didn’t want to be there, my friend just dragged him there to be with us.

OP posts:
LetHimHaveIt · 22/10/2021 17:31

Also - it's 'bridesmaid's weird boyfriend', not 'weird bridesmaid's boyfriend'.

I may have missed the point somewhat.

Original poster
Peridotty · 22/10/2021 17:31

@TractorAndHeadphones nothing happened. I was just thinking about it again today.

OP posts:
Lunde · 22/10/2021 17:37

Why are you giving this headspace 2 years later?

Pythonista · 22/10/2021 17:37

[quote Peridotty]@Pythonista lol me. He has a very narrow interest in trains. He loves them, collects models, he knows all the train lines off by heart, he knows all the stations and stops, he will sit on a train just to sit on a train, he was going to a train show after the wedding and he even has his girlfriend (my friend) take photos of trains that she sees.[/quote]
Lol?????? Wow. I'm autistic and I hoped that attitude (as well as other posters' Sheldon comments) had died out but it appears that ableism is alive and well.

Pythonista · 22/10/2021 17:38

@romdowa

Is your friend dating Sheldon? 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Ah yes another offensive fucking stereotype
Soupseason · 22/10/2021 17:38

I can imagine the conversation
WBF( weird b/friend) so what am i going to do while you all get ready?
Bm (bridesmaid) - you can just come along & hang out with us
WBF - won't that seem a bit weird?
Bm - no don't worry my friends will be fine
So WBF finds himself sitting I'm a room with bride & bridesmaids trying to make himself invisible & wondering why he ever went along with this stupid idea.

SunshineCake1 · 22/10/2021 17:39

Seems obvious to me. He didn't know anyone else so would rather sit with his girlfriend, bored, than in the venue alone, bored.

BingBongToTheMoon · 22/10/2021 17:41

YABU because this was your own fault, two years ago.
Could he speak English?

Pythonista · 22/10/2021 17:41

You can be sarcastic and roll your eyes by my DH with Aspergers would have done virtually the same thing if he had come into the minivan in the first place, only he'd have sat reading work emails on his phone in the room.

Some people who are socially awkward actually do have Aspergers/are "on the spectrum". I don't think OPs remark was entirely out of place in this situation. She was raising it as a question to possibly explain otherwise incredibly odd behaviour, rather than actively diagnosing*

Yes I am autistic. But all these armchair experts who assume socially awkward equals autism are fucking offensive.

It could be said that given the OP is obviously still thinking about this after TWO YEARS doesn't make her any more 'normal'

CustardySergeant · 22/10/2021 17:41

@romdowa

Is your friend dating Sheldon? 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Exactly what I thought.
BasiliskStare · 22/10/2021 17:41

I think after two years I would just forget it and move on.

uglyflowers · 22/10/2021 17:42

That all sounds like stuff my (autistic) husband would do.

bestcattoyintheworld · 22/10/2021 17:43

Thinly veiled autism bashing thread.

HazelandChacha · 22/10/2021 17:43

@Peridotty

Yeah I guess I should have told him to wait and arrive with all the other guests (in their minivans). I can’t remember exactly but I think my bridesmaid wanted him to come with us and I’m too soft to say no and also didn’t imagine he would be that weird.
I suppose she wanted him to come or he would have been alone, knowing not another person, and from another country to boot.

I’ve been that lone person stood like a lemon in a wedding reception. It was excruciating. No one spoke to me, I just stood around uncomfortably after saying hello to a few people and being ignored.

(because we didn’t know there was no parking at the venue & the parking was a 20 min walk back after a 15 min drive around a one way system to the car park. DH had dropped me off.

Pythonista · 22/10/2021 17:43

@bestcattoyintheworld

Thinly veiled autism bashing thread.
Exactly that! Let's all put everyone who is autistic into the 'weird' bracket
girlmom21 · 22/10/2021 17:44

He lives in a foreign country. Is he English or is he from the country they live in? Did he know anyone else at the wedding?

He probably felt awkward and uncomfortable in a place he didn't know.

He didn't do anything nasty or offensive.

I'd assume he just wasn't sure of the protocol to be honest as it seems like he was a forgotten spare part.

ShowMeTheSugar · 22/10/2021 17:47

That in the same post you say you think he may have autism and then go on to call him weird is pretty dickish. Especially if you're apparently well read on the subject.

Could be loads of reasons, most men I know would be focused elsewhere if pulled into a minivan of women doing their makeup. The fault is yours for not saying if you didn't want him there.

DamnUserName21 · 22/10/2021 17:49

Sounds like he needed someone to take him in hand as he didn't know the place and is quiet and reserved.
I'd have asked a family member or close friend to take him to the bar or lounge to wait.

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