Work Christmas Meal - do I have to go?

[Goldfishmountainclimber]

My work are planning a team Christmas meal. It will cost £40. I get along fine with my workmates but we are definitely colleagues rather than friends.

My problem is that I don’t want to go to the meal but at the same time don’t want to appear unfriendly.

Our family operates on very careful budget. We have to watch everything so as to get by each month. We do not eat out or get takeaways. The supermarket shop is a weekly set budget. Children’s clothes and uniform is passed down (same gender). I haven’t bought any clothes for myself for a few years. We have also chosen to help out some extended family who have been adversely affected by the pandemic. So in these circumstances, I do not want to spend £40 on a work Christmas meal!

AIBU to decline? And what should I say? I don’t really want to tell them that I can’t afford it.

[quote MissMarplesGoddaughter]@CounsellorTroi
@Youdoyoutoday

The bottom line was always 'best use of public money'. The accounting system was meticulous and everything had to accounted for. Money was used for providing services, not facilities for staff.[/quote]
We did have a hospitality budget but it was generally used for training events (and often not even then) and high level meetings involving outside organisations. We had to buy our own teabags/coffee/milk/sugar.

What do people suggest for in work hour Christmas meals?

That’s the situation I find myself in. And we merge with another team I don’t like for the meal. Boring.

So far I have missed one due to having booked a day of which was a happy coincidence. But I no longer have that type of contract and work term hours only.

Just tell them you cant make that evening.It is outrages that they expect everyone just to pay £40 for a meal per person!!what sort of company are you working for?!I have never ever spent that much for a meal.Dont feel bad about lying to them,its is them that are totally unreasonable.

Just say you're not that into it or something

I wouldn't mention the money, given that presumably the reason you're on a tight budget is that your salary is low...which they pay! Sounds like you're having a dig

I do think it's odd that your place of work which presumably knows how much you earn has suggested a meal at £40 which presumably is tight for that salary? Or if the team is more mixed in earnings, then I would expect a stepped approach where juniors pay less into the pot

I’ve had this

Work organised a night out - an activity they would be paying for but we had to pay for and organise our own transport there and back plus pay for our own food and drinks

I politely declined without giving a reason - at the time a single mum with 2 kids and money was scarce. And received an email from one of the managers stating the night out wasnt optional!

Oh how I laughed - I then politely reminded them of my situation and also reminded them that I really shouldn’t have to explain why I am declining a work event that is in my own personal time - and never heard another word!

I’d decline - you also don’t need to explain why

In this situation I said if I had a spare £70 ( in my case) I would be spending it on the kids... about half of the staff didnt go...
Stick to your guns!

Where I used to work they paid for the whole night, either taxi to and from or a room in a hotel if you lived too far, it was always an Xmas do event thing so was the full meal, entertainment and free bar all night!.twas fab!

Even then there were people who would.not go, it isn't everyone's cup of tea, no one was penalised for it, it was a nice thank you for working hard, we also got a bonus so those that didn't go were still appreciated.

Far worse than christmas outings are these bloody awful "away days" which you cant get out of as they generally take place within working hours. So you cant really use a previous engagement/childcare issues or anything that would serve for the evening affairs.

The only way to avoid is to take a sickie with covid symptoms or twist your ankle the day before.

I used to tie myself in knots over getting out of these things - the people I work with are very much colleagues and are not people I would ever choose to socialise with - much as it's pleasant to have a quick 5 min chat at the coffee machine in the office - but my personal time is that - mine!

Now I just keep it simple - assuming it's outside of work hours - I simply say "I'm busy unfortunately, but have a wonderful time!". They don't know that I'm busy having a long bath or relaxing with a book - but it's none of their business. I keep it polite, friendly, wish them well, but I never explain or justify my choice any further.

If it is during work hours - that's a little more tricky but as I've got older I've stopped caring so much what people think - so tend to just go "not my thing but have a wonderful time!" - polite and friendly but no tying myself in knots to explain myself - and often they're actually quite happy to have someone in the office keeping an eye on things. I enjoy the peace and get some work done! You can decline firmly but politely - it's a perfectly acceptable response. A couple of days later they'll have forgotten all about it anyway.

If my work want to dictate what I do during my lunch break - or want to make it "compulsory" during the working day - then they must pay for it. If it's going to be coming out of my bank account - then I have the right to decline without justification or explanation - unless of course it's in your employment contract that you are obliged to pay for a xmas meal - highly unlikely!

I do think we should normalise accepting if people don’t want to go to things like this. I also used to stress about declining things (because of money or just because I’m an introvert basically), until I came across a friend I lived with at Uni who when people invited to things and he declined and people asked him why he would simply say ‘because I don’t want to.’ It’s really the simplest answer and there’s no arguing with it because why would you try and make someone go to something they don’t want to go to 😂 it really tickled me and I now say the exact same thing for our work Christmas party every year when asked why I’m not going “I just don’t really want to.”

No, you dont have to go.
Just say you have family over or plan on visiting family, so sadly will have to miss out but hope they all have a great time.

I used to say we are just firming up the dates for that weeks visit, so would hate to commit to the work "do" then not be able to come due to family arriving, saves you having to remember any dates or days in your fib