Work Christmas Meal - do I have to go?

[Goldfishmountainclimber]

My work are planning a team Christmas meal. It will cost £40. I get along fine with my workmates but we are definitely colleagues rather than friends.

My problem is that I don’t want to go to the meal but at the same time don’t want to appear unfriendly.

Our family operates on very careful budget. We have to watch everything so as to get by each month. We do not eat out or get takeaways. The supermarket shop is a weekly set budget. Children’s clothes and uniform is passed down (same gender). I haven’t bought any clothes for myself for a few years. We have also chosen to help out some extended family who have been adversely affected by the pandemic. So in these circumstances, I do not want to spend £40 on a work Christmas meal!

AIBU to decline? And what should I say? I don’t really want to tell them that I can’t afford it.

Just tell them that you can not make it and wish them a good night. Don't give a reason. Bet you are not the only one who is not going due to high cost.

Public services do not pay for Christmas parties. Plenty of charities don't either, although some larger ones do.
Its basically a private sector perk.

Just tell them you're not going. My husband never goes and his is all paid for! It doesn't make him less of a team player.

I can imagine the Facebook horror if anyone even thought of spending council tax on a Christmas party for local council staff

The easy way out is you have plans already.
After one disastrous night out with a company I worked for many years ago I vowed I’d never do it again. When asked if I can go I always ask the date, say I’ll check with my other half and get back to them the following day, knowing full well I’ll be busy. My parents regularly go on holiday to escape family weddings they don’t want to go to 😂

Just wait for the date to be announced and say you can’t go.

Personally I really dislike Christmas ‘do’s’ and only attend if it’s paid for (I’ve worked a mixture of public and private roles over the years) and really expected that everyone attend. When I’m expected to put my own hand in my pocket for what will likely be a pretty shit dinner plus drinks and taxis I’m out.

Yanbu, you can just say “sorry, can’t make it, have fun!”
I never go to mine anymore, it was £40 for the meal and then rounds on top, the food was shit, the music was horrific etc, would prefer to meet the couple of colleagues I’m actually good friends with and go out which is what we do instead. I can afford it but choose not to spend my money on it.

@bonkerspeople

Can't believe so many people have to pay for their Christmas party! We pay around £70 per head and overnight hotel stay for those who live far/don't drive/drink etc. The offer for hotel is for everyone but lots do not take it.

I'm pretty sure the general public would not be very impressed if the NHS Trust I work for paid for a £70 meal for all its employees, plus hotel stay for some. It would cost well over half a million pounds.

This kind of situation is basically the biggest perk of having dc.

‘That sounds fun but I’ve no childcare/a dance recital/pyjama party’

I work for a government agency. I'm pretty sure you don't want taxpayers money to be spent on our Christmas meal.

@JenniferAllisonPhillipaSue

I work for a government agency. I'm pretty sure you don't want taxpayers money to be spent on our Christmas meal.

Ive always worked at public ally funded policy ALBs and they always pay for ours!

@flowery

Your DH’s work is expecting him to take unpaid time off work to attend the Christmas do??

Oh yeah... Either that, or use a day's holiday leave. If it falls on his allocated shift, he has to lose the money, or use holiday leave. (If he wants to go!) Usually affects 5 or 6 others too. Luck of the draw at that place.

Also, he works in the private sector, and I work in the public sector, and we have both always paid for our works Christmas meal. It used to like a tenner or fifteen pounds or so. (At his place.) But for some reason, they have gone all elaborate, and book fancy places, that cost a fortune!

Some private companies do pay for their staff though. Several of my friends' companies do.

@Youdoyoutoday

It's a cheek that you have to pay for a work do!! I wouldn't go on that principle alone!

I’m guessing OP is public sector as I was. We all had/have to pay. The alternative is spending taxpayers’ money - you wouldn’t want that would you?

@Polmuggle ALB?

Tell them you are in France.

[quote julieca]@Polmuggle ALB?[/quote]
Arms length body. Funded by Gov but not a civil service department.

@Polmuggle quasi-private sector then. Far less financial scrutiny. They operate differently to public bodies.

At a place I used to work there was an office clique who took over planning the Christmas do. Without consulting anyone they chose a really expensive menu, drew up a seating plan so everyone would be sitting where they felt they should and booked a late sitting because they wanted to go to the bars afterwards. They were genuinely surprised when quite a few of us said no and didn’t attend!

Just don’t go, OP - they can’t force you!

Public sector workers are expected to follow the Nolan principles, including being able to justify spending. Not sure OP could use the department's card to put the costs of this through ...suit hire, taxis at night.

YANBU. You don't need to make up excuses. You just say you're not able to go. That could be for many reasons but it's nobody's business why you're not going.

[quote julieca]@Polmuggle quasi-private sector then. Far less financial scrutiny. They operate differently to public bodies.[/quote]
Actually we're a public body according to the Cabinet Office, but thanks for explaining my sector to me despite not know what the acronym was.

And my point wasn't what was allowed, my point was in response to attitude of the spending of public funds, which this still is.

Thank you for all of your responses. I feel a lot more confident about just declining.

Yes, it is the public sector. We have to provide our own tea bags, coffee and milk as well.

Someone made a point about ‘affording’ it or not. I could afford it but I do not want to prioritise spending £40 from my careful budget on a work meal. If it was new school shoes needed or a school activity then of course I would spend the £40. I do wonder if anyone truly wants to attend work meals where they have to pay themselves? Maybe they all just feel they have to.

@Polmuggle I know what an arms-length body is thanks. Yes a public body strictly speaking as no individual makes a profit and there are no shareholders.
But there are reasons they are set up and basically, it is because they have far more freedom than strictly public sector bodies do. So no I am not surprised you get a Xmas party paid for there. You wouldn't if it wasn't arms length.

Another Civil Servant who is amused at being outraged at having to pay for a Christmas do ! I remember a friend of mine being baffled once that my workplace didn't provide tea and coffee. My, fortunately small, team are going out early December. They'll pay for their meals but I'm intending to pick up the drinks bill.

If its out of work hours I'd just say you can't make it, you won't be the only one. Bit harder if it's an afternoon where you would usually be in work.

Don't overthink it, it's not necessary. " Sorry, can't make it"' just about covers it.
On the works do comparison front DH works for a tiny company (basically one person and 3 office staff).. In the 20 years he's worked there occasionally gets a card, sometimes gets lunch and very very rarely gets a bonus. Last year £50 in an envelope. His employer is internationally well known in his field, has very major connections with widely recognised and loved public institutions and is a multi multi millionaire. We've decided as he's such a mean old bastard we don't care about the lack of seasonal generosity, but it still irks a bit.
Unsurprisingly DH has been building up his sideline for sometime now....