Work Christmas Meal - do I have to go?

[Goldfishmountainclimber]

My work are planning a team Christmas meal. It will cost £40. I get along fine with my workmates but we are definitely colleagues rather than friends.

My problem is that I don’t want to go to the meal but at the same time don’t want to appear unfriendly.

Our family operates on very careful budget. We have to watch everything so as to get by each month. We do not eat out or get takeaways. The supermarket shop is a weekly set budget. Children’s clothes and uniform is passed down (same gender). I haven’t bought any clothes for myself for a few years. We have also chosen to help out some extended family who have been adversely affected by the pandemic. So in these circumstances, I do not want to spend £40 on a work Christmas meal!

AIBU to decline? And what should I say? I don’t really want to tell them that I can’t afford it.

@bonkerspeople

Can't believe so many people have to pay for their Christmas party! We pay around £70 per head and overnight hotel stay for those who live far/don't drive/drink etc. The offer for hotel is for everyone but lots do not take it.

Huge swathes of the UK work in the public or 3rd sector. Can you imagine the headlines if tax payers money was used to pay for all these Christmas piss ups?

Seriously OP, just say 'apologies but I am busy that evening' and leave it there or mumble something about a school play, elderly relatives, birthday meal if it makes it earlier.

Also @julieca ALBs or NDPBs are not all quasi private sector, none of the ones I deal with are. Most are regulators who operate at a difference from their policy making function to maintain independence.

Regardless, public funds shouldn't be spent on party. And I say that as a manager who spends a fortune every year buying biscuits, sweets, snacks, drinks or whatever for my teams to thank them for their hard work. We get nothing unless our hand goes in our own pocket.

distance

Where iI used to to work senior staff were expected to club together to buy the wine for the meal so at least junior staff would not have to pay for that.

I've got less worried about what other people think as I get older. I'd just say "No thanks, I don't enjoy that sort of thing".

Either tell them the truth and say you can't afford it, or say you're seeing relatives/friends, or wait until nearer the time and come up with an excuse of being ill.

I always just say I don’t want to go.

If it’s a large event for loads of people, just be busy that night.
Mine is all free but I’m not going as it clashes with a night out for a social group I joined in lockdown. Would much rather spend the time with them, than work people.

I don’t mind a work Christmas night out usually though.

I work in the private sector and the last three companies we have paid for our own Christmas do.... Last place everyone thought managers were paid for but we weren't. Last paid for do was 2002...

Anyway.. The advantage of paying is you can say... Sorry I'm busy that evening, have a great time... With no concerns

I've been in my current place of work for 8 christmasses.I think I have only been to 2 Christmas dos. At first I just couldn't afford it. Then I could just about afford it but really REALLY didn't want to spend £40 on a crap meal just for myself when I could spend the same on a nice meal out for my DH and me. Then a couple of times the decision on what to do and where to go was just so dire I just said I didn't want to go. (Silent disco plus a cold crap meal in a teepee anybody?) I strongly object to having to spend my own money on 'enforced fun'. So I think it is fine for you not to go. This year somebody has actually suggested somewhere I would like to go that has a nice menu so I am quite looking forward to it. Covid will probably stop it happening knowing my luck.....

Another Civil Servant who is amused at being outraged at having to pay for a Christmas do

I've worked in both private and public sector and am not outraged at being asked to pay for a Christmas do, but would be outraged at it being quasi-compulsory when the employer wasn't paying for it and colleagues thinking I was miserable for not attending. I've worked for private companies that don't pay, either, though some have. Some pay for an evening party which I don't attend due to trains etc but won't pay for a team lunch, which I will attend.

Urgh, I hate work Christmas dos. I used to get out of them in my last job, big team (charity sector so we had to pay) and no one noticed too much. I’m now working in a business with only four colleagues so no way to get out of it without causing a drama. The business will pay at least, but I really don’t want to go (don’t get me started on Secret Santa...)

Just say no I’m busy , I’ll be honest the only good thing about last Christmas was no forced work fun. Op you can’t afford it so don’t worry about appearing unfriendly most people don’t go to works party’s for a variety of reasons . You not given one reason why you would go .

I may have missed it but you don't say if the Christmas meal is lunch time or evening. I totally understand you not wanting to use finances as a reason not to go.

It's easy for people to say 'just say no, don't explain' but in these offices, that will never be the end of it. You will be get a bah humbug reputation.

Lunch/afternoon 'What day, sorry can't do it
My Godson/nieces nativity play .... I promised them'. Book the afternoon off.

Evening Meal. So sorry it clashes with my DH's Christmas do and I promised first.

Good luck OP

"I work with you 40 hours a week and I like you a lot, but I dont want to see you in my free time as well."

I dont mind being the office grump.

@Youdoyoutoday

The public sector provides nothing. We had to club together to buy an office kettle and our office fridge was a freebie from when someone's auntie had a new kitchen. We had a tea / coffee / sugar / milk kitty we all paid into weekly.

[quote julieca]@Polmuggle quasi-private sector then. Far less financial scrutiny. They operate differently to public bodies.[/quote]
Not for my ALPB. We are directly funded by our sponsoring department via the CSR, with the attendant scrutiny. Staff are members of the Principal Civil Service Pension Scheme etc. Our senior leadership posts are appointed by our sponsoring department.

Tell them you hate them in work and the thought of spending time outside your working hours will drive you mad

[quote MissMarplesGoddaughter]@Youdoyoutoday

The public sector provides nothing. We had to club together to buy an office kettle and our office fridge was a freebie from when someone's auntie had a new kitchen. We had a tea / coffee / sugar / milk kitty we all paid into weekly.[/quote]
God Lord! My old office used to go mad if they ran out of tea bags!

I guess if you get used to it, you forget that others don't have the same.

[quote MissMarplesGoddaughter]@Youdoyoutoday

The public sector provides nothing. We had to club together to buy an office kettle and our office fridge was a freebie from when someone's auntie had a new kitchen. We had a tea / coffee / sugar / milk kitty we all paid into weekly.[/quote]
That’s a bit mean, my last employer public sector did provide fridges, microwaves and hot water taps for the kitchen. No toasters allowed because of false fire alarms.

@CounsellorTroi
@Youdoyoutoday

The bottom line was always 'best use of public money'. The accounting system was meticulous and everything had to accounted for. Money was used for providing services, not facilities for staff.

Just say no thanks. Dont make excuses ot give reasons.

@MissMarplesGoddaughter that is really mean though. I completely understand about not paying for Xmas parties but tea! That's proper tight!

I’m not going to mine, when asked i just said I didn’t want to didn’t give a reason. Someone else offered to pay for mine but it’s not the money I just don’t fancy it

I have been to a couple of work things like this in my whole career. Those times showed me I definitely didn’t much enjoy them. So I say, ‘I can’t, sorry, have a great time’.