Work Christmas Meal - do I have to go?

[Goldfishmountainclimber]

My work are planning a team Christmas meal. It will cost £40. I get along fine with my workmates but we are definitely colleagues rather than friends.

My problem is that I don’t want to go to the meal but at the same time don’t want to appear unfriendly.

Our family operates on very careful budget. We have to watch everything so as to get by each month. We do not eat out or get takeaways. The supermarket shop is a weekly set budget. Children’s clothes and uniform is passed down (same gender). I haven’t bought any clothes for myself for a few years. We have also chosen to help out some extended family who have been adversely affected by the pandemic. So in these circumstances, I do not want to spend £40 on a work Christmas meal!

AIBU to decline? And what should I say? I don’t really want to tell them that I can’t afford it.

I imagine it depends if it's during the working day or is it your own free time?

Start as you mean to go on. First time I was told we had a Christmas meal out with our other halves every year and could they have my husband's name to put down... answer was a slightly toooo loud "hell no", made a couple of colleagues giggle as I am the meekest of mouses.

I don't go because I don't want to go. Requires no further explanations.

I would be honest and say it is far too expensive for you.

Our work do is usually free (but have to pay for your own very expensive drinks) this year they’ve done an unofficial one with a £43 price tag. I’ve been honest and said it’s not in my budget.

I'd just say with a smile "sorry I won't be coming this year" If anyone is rude enough to ask why they just say "because I won't" and either change the subject or walk away.
I say this as someone who NEVER went to my own works do's and only went to them at DH's workplace if we wanted to.

It's a cheek that you have to pay for a work do!! I wouldn't go on that principle alone!

Thats hilarious! We get nothing from work, if we're lucky the consultants buy us a drink when we are put at our organised meal.

OP, £40 is a lot of money, we are not on as strict a budget (lucky I know), but I wouldn't be going to a £40 work meal, way too much!!

We do a nice one for £25 maximum, I won't be going this year because I'm in the 3rd trimester of pregnancy and I'm WFH. Its a bit cheeky imo for me to be off socialising in large groups when my work is bending over backwards to help.

Plus its a good excuse to get out of it!

@Luckytattie even if it's during the working day op wouldn't bu not to go as she has to pay.
If it was during the working day AND her work paid for it then I agree she would really have to go.

Yes that's right @shouldistop

@Youdoyoutoday

It's a cheek that you have to pay for a work do!! I wouldn't go on that principle alone!

You clearly work in the private sector! I work nhs or local authority and have always paid for the work Xmas meal.

£40 is steep though!

No way would I pay for a work do

Yes, work 'dos'. Always planned, oh dear, for the day and time when I had to meet an ageing relative at the airport/station and see them safely back to my home for their festive stay. Complete coincidence of course.

This sort of thing used to worry me. I learned eventually to just say "no thank you but thanks for asking" to anything I don't want to do.
Far, far better than lying about availability or other excuses.

Whenever I as a young woman arranged a night out and invited an older person (such as boss or head of department) they would often decline politely, and wish us a happy night out/party. No one thought any the less of them for saying no and no explanations were required. As you get older you feel more and more comfortable about saying "no" without the need to explain why or making up a story.

Can't believe so many people have to pay for their Christmas party! We pay around £70 per head and overnight hotel stay for those who live far/don't drive/drink etc. The offer for hotel is for everyone but lots do not take it.

Why not be truthful and say you are on a tight budget and it doesn’t stretch that far. They may offer to pay for you, can’t believe they aren’t already!

I'd be honest, say you are on a tight budget and can't afford it.

@edwinbear

I usually find, 'I'd love to join you but have childcare issues that night' usually works.

This

Very conveniently the DC’s school likes to have an inset day on the same day, and DH’s office have their do. DH is the boss, he kind of has to go. Shame.

I wouldn't bother with a white lie. If you say you're busy, they might try to reschedule specifically for you. You can still be friendly when saying "sorry it's just not my thing but I hope you all have a good time."

You could say "sorry I can't afford it" but then they might start trying to talk you round. To avoid any further discussion just "it's not my thing / not something I'd enjoy".

Just say "sorry, that doesn't work for me, have a great time" and don't elaborate on a reason.
The problem with saying you have childcare problems is that some bloody do gooder may offer up her teenage daughter/retired sister to come round and babysit and then you are faced with offending them or coming up with another reason.
My DD is the best "No thanks, I don't want to" but she does have autism.

Just say you have other plans, I don’t go to my work one as it’s a pain to get to and I have to rush back to pick kids up from school -40/50 min drive so if there’s an accident or traffic is bad it’s a nightmare which doesn’t make for a relaxing lunch imo.

We usually have 2 Christmas parties/lunches as big ward so some will be working one is usually an overnight and one a lunch. Overnight is paid for over the year and the lunch isn’t usually expensive not £40 and that’s before drinks so expensive choice imo
I would not have an issue saying no, if I couldn’t afford it.

I never attend work dos unless it’s just simple drinks in a bar where you can leave whenever you want. Anything where there is a expectation to stay all evening like a meal or where you are forced to stay like a boat trip I just don’t attend. I like most of my colleagues but hate being ‘trapped’ with them!

I just say a simple no thanks when asked, it doesn’t get queried any further.

Of course you don't have to go.
If you want to be polite, make up a prior engagement.
Had a coworker before that would just say "No thanks, I don't want to attend" and quite admired her!

@bonkerspeople

Can't believe so many people have to pay for their Christmas party! We pay around £70 per head and overnight hotel stay for those who live far/don't drive/drink etc. The offer for hotel is for everyone but lots do not take it.

Public services surely can't be expected to pay for a staff party from public funds and that's a massive chunk of the workforce.

I always say I'm too busy when mine rolls around. It's so bitchy it's just not worth it. Every year I go back to work and hear the nasty gossip and feel nothing but relief that I missed it.

Threads like this often highlight the difference between public and private sector. In the public sector, there's definitely no free anything let alone Christmas party. I even have to pay personally to provide tea or coffee for meetings I have.