I’ve fucked my career - how do I get out

[Surfwomble123]

I work in an industry where the pool of contacts is small and incestuous, it’s specialist so people tend to move within limited businesses and associated areas

I am hard working and conscientious but just can’t cut it, I feel like I’ve ruined my credibility through some poor judgement and a lack of confidence leading to procrastination and indecision

This is all I know and I can’t see a way out. I feel like I just have to write it all off - 12 years

I have some savings and can live frugally for a time, but I’m scared to walk away, even though it feels like all I can do

There are no contacts I can call on, I have made a mess in all areas. It’s made me act a bit odd when I have met people in person as I feel so bad, so personal relationships are non existent.

How can I see past the small pond I am drowning in?

I don’t feel I have many transferable skills, I just know how my industry works - no excel, project management, official type skills, no real training

Please help, I can’t get out of bed in the morning.

Thanks for all the responses and good advice - even more people who understand

It feels such a relief to hear that rather than me being terrible/not good enough/not social or fun enough, it may be that this job just doesn’t suit me. And THAT’S OK!

I am hard on myself and I’ve never had any performance management or issues with HR etc but I live in daily fear of being sacked mainly due to the shame of it. Even though at the moment, disappearing in the night with my potplant sounds great.

I have a lot of holiday to take but it’s not possible for about 6 weeks due to projects and commitments etc. I’ll try for some long weekends in the meantime

I’m divorced with no kids so life is really all about work, few distractions. I’m mid forties. I have a big mortgage from buying a house alone later in life. I’m trying to over pay that and my pension to create some financial stability. Taking a pay cut is possible but it would be a bit tricky.

Quite often my weekends are me doing very little, just pottering around, I feel quite drained but then it’s embarrassing saying to friends/parents that I haven’t done anything. I’m asked a lot about getting out and meeting someone

The ASD/ADHD is interesting too, I have wondered that - I can’t deal with noise, when I’m busy I can’t work out what to start first, do 5 things at once but get nothing done. I think if I mentioned this to friends they would eye roll and think I have too much time on my hands to navel gaze and think of myself due to the lack of kids

Thanks again, this has helped me so much, I really appreciate you taking the time to respond x

Please do take time for yourself. Life is just too short to be miserable. I just retrained at 43. It was two years of hard work but I am now (last week!) qualified and if I did not have DC, there are global options! Nice to know that by the time they've left home, in 10-12 years, I can travel a bit through work.

The only limits are those that you put on yourself. Pension is important but the big house really isn't. Don't let that hold you back.

Big mortgage rather than big house! I just had very little money and live where house prices are high

This honestly sounds exactly like me in my last job but one. I was ready to leave the industry I was in entirely as my self esteem was so wrecked by it, I was constantly second guessing myself and started to believe that I wasn’t capable of doing my job. I got the opportunity to move to a different company and it was worlds apart, I finished my professional qualification (that I had previously halted as I thought I shouldn’t do a qualification if I was barely capable of doing my actual job), and I’m actually just about to move to a new job that’s a step up and a pay rise. And do you know what? I fully believe that I’m capable of doing the new role and that I’ll be good at it! It’s really easy to get trapped in an echo chamber of feeling that everything is going wrong, but it will not be as bad as you feel like it is, I promise! It’ll just feel a bit overwhelming just now.

Good luck, you will be able to move past this!!

Best of luck OP! If nothing else, I recommend a spa day and definitely a counsellor- BetterHelp, etc can do antisocial hours if that helps, and weekends are about decompressing for work for lots of single people- there's definitely no shame in that! Enjoy a long weekend alone in as nice a hotel or spa as budget allows and take time to truly be alone, read, and think. We really dont get enough time and space to just be, especially if you're in a city and a pressured job!

Having the read the whole thread and currently going through exactly what you were experiencing, I'm curious to know how you're feeling now?
I dearly hope that life is more peaceful and you're feeling in a better place OP

I don't understand where all your severe anxiety comes from. Why not try and address some of these issues one at a time.
You could start by some counselling. And separate from that some career counselling / mentor - many people have problems at work. Which can be resolved.
Also ask your manager for proper feedback. What did your last appraisal say.

Then try to look at your workload, if you keep making silly mistakes, you are not checking enough. Why? Address that. If you are overstretched, too much work, tell manager.

You need to stop being over dramatic, think, and then work on all the issues, over all the different areas.