To think there's a difference between being nosey and being inquisitive?

[winningforhim]

Tonight my daughters dad phoned her whilst we were driving. A girl in my daughters class works for my ex so my daughter said that she seen him at school pick up this afternoon. My ex replied saying, 'yeah well it is usually him that collects his DD'. At that point I said, 'yeah I've noticed that, what does her mum do for work?' Ex replied 'I don't know, your mums awful nosey isn't she DD?'

Now I do ask people questions, 'did you have a nice break?' 'What do you do for work?' 'Do you enjoy it?' 'How old are your kids etc'. I like to show an interest because...well I'm interested.

I will ask questions about people, for instance DD is going to a wedding in December with ex and so the guy who is getting married I knew through ex so I asked, 'how is M doing these days?' 'Where is he working?' 'How long have they been together?' 'Where are they getting married?'

This obviously strikes my ex as me being nosey, however, I'm not asking these questions with any malicious intent or to spread information about. I'm not asking how much they earn or about there sex life.

It offended me that ex called me nosey in front of DD. I would say my personality is more inquisitive. When I said this to ex he said there's no such thing.

AIBU thinking that asking this question does not make me Nosey?

To me, that just sounds like conversation!

I'm the same, I am genuinely interested in people. I assume your ex was joking when he said you were nosey.

Oh dear, you sound awfully angry. Are you okay?

I’m not in the least bit angry, I’ve merely given you an answer you don’t like and pointed out how some others may perceive your behaviour, which is after all what your op was asking. Perhaps you need to reevaluate your understanding of what ‘angry’ means as well as ‘nosey’.

[quote winningforhim]**@ChubbyK* well @sammylady37* said she would hate someone quizzing someone about her life like I'm doing. For Christ sake, I asked one question about the woman - hardly quizzing 😂. And her answer was rude - 'back off!' - she does so sound angry or rude and unable to articulate herself politely at the very least. [/quote]
I’d call the 4 questions you asked about the person getting married to be ‘quizzing’ someone about them. And wrt to the one question episode, from your account you butted in on a conversation others were having to ask this info that was absolutely nothing to do with you and which you didn’t need to know. I find that strange, to say the least.

And her answer was rude - 'back off!' - she does so sound angry or rude and unable to articulate herself politely at the very least

Btw, when you make a comment like the above on someone’s posting style, you should make sure you haven’t already lost the moral high ground by starting your preceding sentence with “For Christ sake”, because you know, that makes you sound angry, rude and unable to articulate yourself politely at the very least.

Strikes me as nosey - anything you don’t really need to know, is someone else’s business or they haven’t offered to tell you themselves is nosey.
I’d not wanted to be asked lots og questions - so I give others the same latitude.

@pumpkinpie01

So do I but a lot of people don't , they just talk about themselves . I read once ' when you talk about yourself you are repeating what you already know when you 're asking questions and listening you are learning ' and it's true . I call taking an interest being a people person , not nosy .

Exactly!!

@winningforhim. You asked in the wrong place! Showing an interest in people, being interested is a crime around these parts...asking people their favourite Wimbledon us highly personal 🙄🙄

He was very rude to you in front of DD, but at least he's your ex!!

You be you!

I get what you mean, your not nosey but ex is choosing to interpret as that. My dh i find asks a lot of questions like you, god forbid he speaks to a stranger outside with an accent preee the questions! He's not nosey, he just loves to talk and finds somethings really interesting, I always joke that he can get a wall to talk back to
Him! I do get Annoyed sometimes as I feel others might feel he's being intrusive but maybe that's me projecting myself on to them because everyone seems to IOve engaging in conversation with him

Yes! You’re nosey!! A right wee Isa

But people need tae knooooowwww!!!!!!

I'd fall into the 'nosey' camp on this one - but definitely the 'nosey with genuine interest' rather than the 'nosey looking for malicious gossip' side of the Nosey Fence.

I agree with him. Inquisitive people never think they're nosey.
I'm neither.

Only read OP.

There's a lot of difference in this. And the you types seem to find it impossible to understand the other type.

Surely noting that parent a or b usually does pick up is in itself a bit.. that way.

I mean at primary even with parents I chatted with it didn't drop into my mind oh parent a picks up. If someone had said which parent usually gets c (assuming two involved etc). Then if I'd have to stop and think ah child c. how often do I see a Vs b. And I didn't always do school run so still couldn't have said for sure!

Your question yes nosey. why do you want to know? Is it information you will do something with? Don't think so. You wanted to know just because.

I mean she could be Ill, at work, volunteering, in the pub, looking after other children, visiting her mum, doing a course...

I mean. So what?

Him saying you're nosey in front of DC is out of line though. Does he often make disparaging comments in front of them? It's really not on.

I had this conversation with my parents.

We've been wondering about neighbours where they get their money from what they do for work. They never seem to go out!

Ok... Well I dunno. Why are you interested?

Well they never go to work! She's got a job in HR and he's an accountant. It seems peculiar. We googled them and that was all we found.

You googled them? That's a bit. Strange. Why are you so interested?

Well obviously we googled them! Everyone googles neighbours etc. Don't tell us you don't!!!! Hahaha.

I don't. Why?

Yes you do.

No... Etc etc.

They were baffled as was I.

Anyway then they said well she's head of this for X. Just hr.

It was a massive well known group with thousands of employees multinational etc...

I mean FGS!

I see where you're coming from Op. I think it depends on the question. For example;

Q1) Oh you work in the city, which sector are you in? Is inquisitive.

Whereas

Q2) I heard your husband was arrested, was it sheep bothering or petty theft? Is nosy.

Inquisitive and nosey mean the same thing: undue interest in another's business.

This isn't mere pedantry; the OP sees a difference between her actions and what her ex says. He's a stirrer for making the comment passively aggressively to the child.

I'd go for interested (positive) v. nosy/inquisitive (out of order).

Whether or not you like to know stuff about other people (hardly uncommon), you don’t need to accept labels from your ex. Maybe try to shrug it off rather than worrying about semantics.

I think nosy and inquisitive are two words for the same thing, one judgemental, one not.
I was brought up with "Small minds discuss people, average minds discuss events, great minds discuss ideas", my family don't ask or enjoy personal questions.
However I've grown to realise it has value. For example many nurses seem to have this kind of mind, they constantly accumulate and remember information about people so when answering an unexpected phonecall about a patient or dealing with a readmission they have the relevant info in their heads already without needing to refer to notes or repeat previous questions. I quite admire it as my brain doesn't do it. I psychotherapist colleague once observed that I was "not interested in people". Which seemed a little harsh but I see their point.

I’d consider that nosey - prying into other people’s lives, especially when it’s about people you don’t know. I’d see inquisitive and being interested in the world around you - so reading, visiting interesting places, appreciating art or music - that sort of thing, not whether the cat’s vet’s aunt got new curtains.

The most interesting thing about this thread is that most people can't spell nosy.

@Stoppochoco

Asking people what they do for a living, is a way of sniffing out income and social status. Why do you need to know that ?

True - I believe in some cultures it’s considered quite rude to ask someone you’ve just met what they do.

@SarahBellam

I’d consider that nosey - prying into other people’s lives, especially when it’s about people you don’t know. I’d see inquisitive and being interested in the world around you - so reading, visiting interesting places, appreciating art or music - that sort of thing, not whether the cat’s vet’s aunt got new curtains.

Now I would see that as curious.

Seems like that Yes Prime Minister thing. I am curious, you are inquisitive, she is a nosy parker.

You lost me at the girl in your dd's class who works for your ex, yet is young enough to need collecting from school.

It all seems very much like the contents of your head spilling directly onto the page, or out from your mouth when talking, without much thought being given to how you come across to others, or whether they enjoy conversations with you and feel they're getting something out of them too.

If l am talking to my dc in their 20s about their friends l ask: Oh where is Tom these days? What did he do in college or where does he work? I am not remotely interested in Tom's social status but liked Tom when he used call around and like to hear how he is getting on. Is that nosy?
My friends ds is getting married and l ask her how the preparations are going. I am just showing an interest in her life surely although her ds is not there and l barely know the women he is marrying..nosy?
I am not going to be talking about either of these situations to anyone else. I just see it as chat.
I love to hear about people's lives, travels, children etc.

I think I've heard it all now. If you are nosy OP then I definitely am. The previous posters obviously haven't been to rural Ireland 😂

In the UK people are generally more reserved and there's more of a focus on privacy. I'm also like you, very interested in people - because I care and I used to use it as a way of showing that I care.
Whether you are nosey or not depends on your intent and it sounds like your are not... But....
What's more important is whether the person does or doesn't want to disclose the information.

A private topic for one person might not be for others. As a PP said, you need to fish out of they wish to talk about it or not. I do also think there's an onus on the other person to communicate this. A lot of people seem to think that everyone has the same boundaries when they don't.

If you don't ask questions you don't get to know anything!
We tell our children to ask questions at school, encourage them to ask at home so what's the difference?
If my children were off to a wedding, or elsewhere, with an ex partner I'd be asking questions, too! Do people not want to know where their children are going or what time they'll be back, if there'll be lots of people there, will they be safe etc, etc?
I'd rather openly ask questions than hide behind my curtains, twitching away!

@Whatwillbetheendofus

I think I've heard it all now. If you are nosy OP then I definitely am. The previous posters obviously haven't been to rural Ireland 😂

I’m Irish, and I detest nosy people, as do plenty others. There’s a reason the phrase “a guard wouldn’t ask me that!” is popular here.