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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Are they being unreasonable? Work and mat leave

85 replies

MatLeaveHassle · 19/10/2021 11:12

My work keep hassling me to know what I plan to do when/if I come back from maternity leave because other staff have asked to change their hours and they don't want to agree until they know what I'm going to do.

If I was right at the end I'd understand but I still have well over 6 months left (they knew I was taking the full year) and I don't want to keep being pestered for a decision right this minute.

AIBU to think they shouldn't keep asking me? In truth I don't yet know what I want to do when I go back, whether I'll request less hours etc.. nearer the time. I do plan to give them notice of my plans when I've made them but not over 6 months worth! It's putting so much stress on me feeling like I've got to make a decision right now and that what I decide now will affect colleagues requests.

OP posts:
Original poster
MatLeaveHassle · 19/10/2021 11:13

PS. I understand they could refuse a request for less hours nearer the time.

OP posts:
Palavah · 19/10/2021 11:15

It sounds as though they are trying to help by making sure your needs are factored in.

If you are happy taking the risk that you want different hours when you return but they can't agree to them at that point then that's fine. It's understandable that you don't know now what it is you'd like to do.

ditalini · 19/10/2021 11:16

To be fair, most people would have to have a plan in place by now for childcare reasons if nothing else, so it's not totally out of left field for them to think you might already know what you're going to do.

Bluntness100 · 19/10/2021 11:16

Then just tell them you’re taking the full year so it closes down the discussion, no need to make a meal of it.

StepawayfromtheBiscuittin · 19/10/2021 11:19

That's very stressful.
What is your legal obligation in terms of confirming your return to work date?

That's when you should be talking about this. They aren't obliged to significantly accommodate any one person other than what is allowed within the law and to ensure no discrimination.

Use KIT days as well to see what is happening but they will find it difficult if they accommodate other requests to then not accommodate similar requests from other employees including you when you return to work.

Original poster
MatLeaveHassle · 19/10/2021 11:22

@Bluntness100

Then just tell them you’re taking the full year so it closes down the discussion, no need to make a meal of it.
I have, this is the 5th time they've asked me and I still have well over half the year left (nearer 8 months!).

I'm just cautious about having a set in stone plan about reduced hours/full time work or whatever when I still have so much time left. What if something changes? Especially after the last year.

Me and DH have a sort of plan about what we'd like to do, I just didn't think I'd have to have it stone by this early! We've only just started looking into nurseries in the area.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 19/10/2021 11:25

Clearly you’ve been vague with them op as otherwise they’d not be asking. And they are trying to hold off other staff to make sure you get what you want.

The pp is wrong, accommodating others now doesn’t mean they need to accommodate you they can do as they need to for business reasons.

You need to simply tell them you won’t make a decision till x date and you understand this means your needs will not be factored in

girlmom21 · 19/10/2021 11:28

Tell them you won't be in a position to confirm that until further down the line so they should make arrangements for other staff on the basis of you returning to the hours you were on before mat leave.

It's unfair to make other staff wait or deny their flexible working requests on the basis of what you may or may not want in 6 months time.

Stripyhoglets1 · 19/10/2021 11:29

You risk not having any options if they agree others requests so they then need you to work full time.
So if your OK with that tell them you just don't know. But if you're wanting to reduce hours I'd tell them ASAP.
They sound very accommodating compared to alot of work places.

Original poster
MatLeaveHassle · 19/10/2021 11:29

I genuinely didn't realise that everyone goes on years mat leave having already arranged with work exactly what hours and days they'd like to work when they come back in a years time. They never suggested I'd need to do this.

I have said the likelihood is id like reduced hours but I appreciate this may not be accommodated at the time.

OP posts:
ditalini · 19/10/2021 11:31

There's no way that nurseries/childminders round here would be able to fit you in with only 6 months notice - everyone I know had their childcare set up by the time their baby was about 8 weeks old and quite a few before birth.

I can't remember when I confirmed my hours with my boss, but I certainly had the nursery sorted asap.

BibbyDarling · 19/10/2021 11:31

Before I started my years mat leave I signed to say I was planning to take a full year and return on reduce hours. They will let me flex if that changes by the time I return (Feb) but they invisibly need to know a vague plan for the rest of the staff. Otherwise it isn’t fair for everyone else to have to wait for me to come back and decide what I want?

Original poster
MatLeaveHassle · 19/10/2021 11:31

I honestly don't expect them to hold off making decisions for anyone else. I understand that this means I may not be able to work what I want when the time comes and I accept that.

Part of me feels they are using the other staff excuse as a reason to continue hounding me about what my plan is.

OP posts:
ditalini · 19/10/2021 11:32

In fact, thinking about it I must have had it sorted with work really early as well because I'd have been completely stuffed if they'd insisted on me coming back full time as I only had specific days booked.

Happyfeet1972 · 19/10/2021 11:33

Legally they have to make a decision on FWR within 3 months so they'll have to give the others decisions based on the current situation at some point.

No they shouldn't be hassling you but it sounds like they are trying to be helpful. If you can't commit at this time, you're taking a risk that they won't be able to accommodate your request nearer the time so if you can I'd try and give them some indication

Viviennemary · 19/10/2021 11:33

I think if you are unwilling or unable to tell them your plans then you can't expect them to bend over backwards to accommodate your wishes when you do tell them.

FollowYourOwnNorthStar · 19/10/2021 11:33

At my work the plan needs to be in place before the person leaves on parental leave. The person on leave can apply at any time to change it, but that request is looked in less and less favourably the closer it gets to a return to work time, because we have to assess it against business needs.

You are only thinking of yourself (fine), but a manager has to make fair decisions for an entire team. Someone could be given a part or full time contract based on your decision and want to apply for a mortgage on that salary. Whilst that isn’t your problem and you can and should think of your own needs, late notice makes it very difficult for your manager, who has to balance your wants/needs with other staff and with the business.

This came up recently at my work, and the person who requested changes at short notice was refused. They are now behaving terribly, when everyone else is aware it was because management had been asking if she was sticking with the same return to work plan for the last 6 months, and she refused to answer, so they took it at her word, made employment and business decisions and when she did change her mind there was no room to accommodate her.

SparklyLeprechaun · 19/10/2021 11:33

It seems that they are only asking for your benefit. If you want them to leave you alone you should let them know very clearly that you will not make a decision in the next 6 months. They might not be able to accommodate your requests later on, but that's life.

girlmom21 · 19/10/2021 11:34

@Viviennemary

I think if you are unwilling or unable to tell them your plans then you can't expect them to bend over backwards to accommodate your wishes when you do tell them.
She's literally said she's fully aware the may not be able to accommodate what she wants when she returns.
happytoday73 · 19/10/2021 11:35

Do you really not know what you want to do?
What childcare arrangements have you got in place for your return?

By taking additional maternity leave you have less rights on your return... Could be given equivalent job on same money.
However...
It sounds like they are trying to accommodate your plans... Which they don't need to do.
I'd make some decisions or accept you are going back full time on same hours into hopefully the same job

Original poster
MatLeaveHassle · 19/10/2021 11:35

@Happyfeet1972

Legally they have to make a decision on FWR within 3 months so they'll have to give the others decisions based on the current situation at some point.

No they shouldn't be hassling you but it sounds like they are trying to be helpful. If you can't commit at this time, you're taking a risk that they won't be able to accommodate your request nearer the time so if you can I'd try and give them some indication

I've said I would likely be requesting reduced hours, I just don't know exactly what those are right this minute.

And again, I totally appreciate it may mean they don't agree. I am not expecting them to bend over backwards to accommodate me.

OP posts:
Chloemol · 19/10/2021 11:35

By all means tell them you don’t know so they can go ahead and make decisions accordingly

However as you say it may mean by the time you are due to go back they wont be in a position to do any changes to your hours so you have to go back in existing terms

TakeYourFinalPosition · 19/10/2021 11:35

If you need nursery space; have you checked to see when it needs to be booked? I’m 30 weeks and was advised to start looking at waiting lists, I thought they were having a laugh but a lot of the nurseries around here are fairly full, especially for younger children.

It’s possible that they think you’ll have had to agree to hours at a nursery by now, so you’d have an idea of what you needed at work…

But if you don’t, and you genuinely don’t mind them making plans with other staff that might not suit whatever your current plans with DH are, just tell them that you’re not sure what your plans will be and you intend to let them know on XX date.

Would you be going back full time and requesting a change of hours while working full time, or will you give them advance notice so they can see if they can accommodate your request before you go back?

TheAverageUser · 19/10/2021 11:38

When I or other staff went on maternity leave we agreed X amount of months off but we never considered changing their hours when they got back, we always put them back into exactly the same job and hours.

It does seem a bit unfair to leave them not knowing what hours you'll be working when you come back.

Dixiechickonhols · 19/10/2021 11:41

Risk you run is them not agreeing what you want when you do ask. Eg if other staff are now on reduced hours they may genuinely not be able to accommodate you. If they are generally decent employers and you know you want reduced hours i’d engage and try and get sorted - presumably you’ll need to know to book nursery.

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