Are they being unreasonable? Work and mat leave

[MatLeaveHassle]

My work keep hassling me to know what I plan to do when/if I come back from maternity leave because other staff have asked to change their hours and they don't want to agree until they know what I'm going to do.

If I was right at the end I'd understand but I still have well over 6 months left (they knew I was taking the full year) and I don't want to keep being pestered for a decision right this minute.

AIBU to think they shouldn't keep asking me? In truth I don't yet know what I want to do when I go back, whether I'll request less hours etc.. nearer the time. I do plan to give them notice of my plans when I've made them but not over 6 months worth! It's putting so much stress on me feeling like I've got to make a decision right now and that what I decide now will affect colleagues requests.

If you are OK taking the risk, that's up to you.

if the alternative is you tell them to push off it's too early, are you then going to moan you can't get the hours you want?

At my current work place you have to sign a form before leaving for mat. leave with estimated return date, estimated workload (full vs reduced time, how many hours) and you can even specify the exact days and hours you want to work.

Obviously you know your set up. If you are worried re DH’s job being redundant or your relationship splitting I can understand your reluctance but if it’s just general what if and you are sure you want reduced hours I’d sort now. I booked nursery when still pregnant but it was a long time ago - nurseries needed reservations well in advance.

It does sound like they're trying to help make sure you get what you want. I'm 34 weeks pregnant and am sorting nursery places/grandparent care, have already given a return date and phased return plan. You kind of do need to decide soon if you're going to need nursery places, sure you don't legally need to tell work now but I think it'd be pretty normal to have a good idea by now for those reasons.

Just tell them you are intending on returning full time. They will stop asking you and can make the decisions for the other people.

I'd expect that part time hours are unlikely to be accommodated then. Obviously you can ask closer to the time but it seems they're trying to give you "first dibs".

They are not being unreasonable in asking what your preference for working hours will be now. I am surprised they didn’t ask before you left to go on may leave! If you are happy to have to work your full hours on your return to work then tell them that. If you would like to reduce your hours then you should decide now and let them know before you are left with no choice. You should be looking at sorting childcare ASAP as well as that may not be as easy to find.

Why can't you just let them know one way or another? Why are you leaving everything so last minute? It's not unusual for families to have a 5 year plan, especially when they have young kids. Being organized and having a plan just makes sense, you should already have nursery arranged and have an idea of how much you need to work to cover the costs plus expenses at home.

Would you be happy going back full time if they can't accommodate any more part timers by then? If so tell them that.

In Northern Ireland, employees have a lot more legal protection than you do in GB. What your employer has been doing would be a breach of the law, here. It's obvious (to me and to whoever made the law here!) that with babies, well, things change, and new parents might not know, early on, what they will need to ask for when they return.

You need to start considering and booking childcare. In some areas people have to do this when they are pregnant and in other 6 months before is OK but it’s definitely time you start looking.

If you are genuinely happy to continue working the same hours then tell them that but it’s very likely that they won’t be able to accommodate changes later. If reduced hours are important to you then you need to tell them now.

I honestly don't expect them to hold off making decisions for anyone else. I understand that this means I may not be able to work what I want when the time comes and I accept that.

Have you actually told them that? Because your messages on here are all over the place. You’ve now got posters doing the same as them. Habe you actually said to them “I will likely request reduced hours but appreciate that you need to make a decision now, I cannot do so at this stage and if this means you cannot fulfil my request this is fine, I will confirm on x date my request”

They are trying to help you op.

@FollowYourOwnNorthStar

At my work the plan needs to be in place before the person leaves on parental leave. The person on leave can apply at any time to change it, but that request is looked in less and less favourably the closer it gets to a return to work time, because we have to assess it against business needs.

You are only thinking of yourself (fine), but a manager has to make fair decisions for an entire team. Someone could be given a part or full time contract based on your decision and want to apply for a mortgage on that salary. Whilst that isn’t your problem and you can and should think of your own needs, late notice makes it very difficult for your manager, who has to balance your wants/needs with other staff and with the business.

This came up recently at my work, and the person who requested changes at short notice was refused. They are now behaving terribly, when everyone else is aware it was because management had been asking if she was sticking with the same return to work plan for the last 6 months, and she refused to answer, so they took it at her word, made employment and business decisions and when she did change her mind there was no room to accommodate her.

This is excellent advice.

Agree, and you are late on nurseries op you need to be clear on whay you’re asking them in terms of hours.

I don't think your work are being unreasonable, I'm 27 weeks pregnant and have just in the last couple of weeks submitted my matb1 form and HR forms for maternity leave. Part of those forms was notifying them of my intended dates to start and end maternity leave, any annual leave I planned on taking immediately after maternity leave and my requested working pattern on my return. I'm happy to get all this sorted before I go on leave as it means I won't have to worry about it at all while I'm actually off! If you're looking at nursery for childcare you may find they need a lot more notice then you thought. I'm not surprised you're feeling stressed but think this is something you should be looking at sooner rather than later, lots of people have these plans in place before their leave even starts. If you genuinely don't mind/ can manage going back full time at the end of your leave then tell them that, if you think there's any chance you will want to reduce your hours then give them a figure now - I'd think they're more likely to be able to accommodate raising your hours on your return than reducing them.

You really need to get your childcare sorted out! Surely you must have an idea of how many hours/days you want to work? And then you need to find a nursery or childminder who can accommodate you. Then confirm what days etc. If you find a perfect nursery but they can only offer space on Mondays and Tuesdays, you need to put in a request to your manager to work those days.

Op I'm with you - I didn't want to make a decision so early either. I would just tell them you don't know?

I booked my Dd into private nursery when I was 8m pregnant as the nursery was so sought after. Tho admittedly I knew I'd be going back ft.

They should not be pressurizing you.

You don't need to tell them if and when you are coming back until nearer the time

Can you at least tell them a date by which you will decide? e.g. I will be able to give you a definite answer 5 months before I return.

I don't think it's strange to know 6 months in advance what you want to do. You must have an idea of whether you can afford to cut hours, what childcare costs will be, whether you have family help, etc.

Tbh I would start getting used to long-term planning, it's only going to get worse (e.g. applying to schools a year in advance).

Feel free not to give them an indication, but then don't complain if they can't accommodate the pattern you want when yo have decided.

Hmm.

My former employer did this when I was on mat leave, and it pissed me off immensely. I was on maternity leave; I wasn't giving work any thought at all, never mind what my work pattern might be in 6-8 months' time. I got so fed up with them asking that I said I would sooner jump in a vat of hot oil than think about going back to work at all while I was on maternity leave, thank you very much, but would let them know when I had made a decision.

(In fact, I resigned, and two of them were sacked for bullying - not over this specific event, but many, many others of a similar nature, always directed at female colleagues with children).

Yes, they shouldn't keep asking you; they should just go ahead and facilitate the other staff, as they wish to. It sounds like you are clear in your own mind that your choice is: decide nothing now, and just accept whatever arrangements are available when you do return. If so, maybe you haven't been clear enough with them?

It seems like they are doing this to make sure you get your choice of hours and fit others round you, rather than you having to fit round the other people. That sounds to me like they are trying to be helpful.

I’m on mat leave with approx 6 months left, this is my second time around in less than 3 years.

The legal answer is, you do not have to tell them and are well within your rights to tell them to f* off and stop bothering you (not that exact wording obviously).

The practical answer is, it’s not usual for employers to be asking. A mass amount goes into staff planning and keeping all your options open for you until pretty short notice isn’t practical, even if they legally have to.
I think most women do know their plan by 6 months even if it’s just a theory. I found being up front and keeping my employers in the loop was massively helpful in limiting the impact on my colleagues. You have no legal protection from your colleagues thinking you’re a bit of an A H when you do eventually return x