Are they being unreasonable? Work and mat leave

[MatLeaveHassle]

My work keep hassling me to know what I plan to do when/if I come back from maternity leave because other staff have asked to change their hours and they don't want to agree until they know what I'm going to do.

If I was right at the end I'd understand but I still have well over 6 months left (they knew I was taking the full year) and I don't want to keep being pestered for a decision right this minute.

AIBU to think they shouldn't keep asking me? In truth I don't yet know what I want to do when I go back, whether I'll request less hours etc.. nearer the time. I do plan to give them notice of my plans when I've made them but not over 6 months worth! It's putting so much stress on me feeling like I've got to make a decision right now and that what I decide now will affect colleagues requests.

It sounds like they want to factor you into their decisions, I am sure if they didn't ask, granted everyone else part time hours and would then have to deny you any request for flexible working as they couldn't accommodate you you'd be miffed as well. If you aren't arsed then just tell them that.

OP... I go back to work in January and I still haven't sorted out what hours I'm doing going back. I too have kept it vague as I keep changing my mind & my manager and I have agreed to have a chat end of November to confirm what I will be doing.

I think it depends on where you work and the size of the organisation. I work in a pretty big one so colleagues hours etc haven't had to be changed on the basis of me coming/going.

Just be honest with them and give them a general idea of what you will be doing. Keep them in the loop, there's no more you can do than that.

I've roughly that I'm planning on returning FT but will be looking at making use of the flexible working policy to shift my hours around.

They sound better than my workplace, they wouldn’t discuss it with me at all and said they would give me my final desicion 10 days before I was due to return.
If you have a workplace being proactive at considering your needs and request now - then I would take them up on it and arrange it.

OP you absolutely do not have to tell them your plans just now.

However a bit of give and take is a good thing. You could give them an indication of what you are thinking but they also need to understand that you might change your mind.

6 months is a very long time when you are on maternity leave. All sorts of things can change.

But ultimately if you don't know or are not comfortable discussing it yet then they really need to back off.

Haven't got time to read the whole thread, sorry. But everywhere I have worked you out in an application for flexible or changed working hours before you go off. Largely because if it is denied, you can't apply again for another year!

Just for another take: I didn’t start looking at nurseries till about 3 months before I needed them (we didn’t know which city we’d be in) and it was totally fine, got a place at our first-choice Ofsted Oustanding nursery no probs, no waiting list – and this is in nappy valley.

Haven’t got a five-year plan either, and think it’s OK to want to spend time with your child before deciding your working hours. Some people thrive on maternity and decide they want to work less, some people think “quick, get me out of here!”; certainly I wanted work to leave me alone and didn’t want to do KIT days. But MN will have you signing up for childcare before you even TTC.

It seems to me that they are being very respectful of your maternity based rights and are doing a good thing in including your wishes in their human resource planning. I think you need to tell them now to go ahead and base their planning on you returning to work full time, as it's not fair that you hold up other people's requests to change working patterns. When you do go back, or nearer to that time, then you can take a chance on submitting your own request for reduced hours. But please don't then go waving around the maternity rights banner, claiming you've been badly treated. I've seen this happen so many times and it's very unfair.

@MatLeaveHassle

I genuinely didn't realise that everyone goes on years mat leave having already arranged with work exactly what hours and days they'd like to work when they come back in a years time. They never suggested I'd need to do this.

I have said the likelihood is id like reduced hours but I appreciate this may not be accommodated at the time.

As a manager I would assume that the employee is returning to work the same hours as previously unless they had requested and we had agreed something different.

If you are not ready to request something different, then surely your answer should be that you intend to return to your job as it was. You cannot seriously think it is ok to be vague about that and then object to be asked for clarification. To be honest, I wouldn’t be pestering you though,, I would be proceeding on the assumption I mentioned above.

I would be biting their hand off to make sure i got the hours i wanted, if thry are going to be chabging other peoples hours then you have far less chance of getting what you want.

But i knew i was taking 9 months mat leave and going back full time so i made that clear so my job and role didn't change or get given to someone else befote i went back. I didn't want them to worry i wasn't actually going to go back

Sorry I think Yabu and need to get yourself organised,decide your hours and arrange childcare.
You say you appreciate you might not get what you want,but what if you are given hours that are not compatible with the available child care.
I know having a new baby is beyond exhausting and life changing but please plan ahead for your own sake.🌈

@MatLeaveHassle

I genuinely didn't realise that everyone goes on years mat leave having already arranged with work exactly what hours and days they'd like to work when they come back in a years time. They never suggested I'd need to do this.

I have said the likelihood is id like reduced hours but I appreciate this may not be accommodated at the time.

I didn't. I knew I won't be able to go back full time as I researched nursery fees even before I got pregnant but I didn't know the full extent of my flexible work request until after the baby was born. Once baby was here and we knew how much money we exactly had, how much abuse our savings were getting we started discussing work / childcare and hours. DH had to put in a flexible work request too and we both did it the same time, 3 months before I was due to finish my full year mat leave. And even in those last three months things changed and I ended up being at home for an extra 6 months due to Covid / furlough.

I'd say it's definitely way too early to know exactly what you are going to do. You should definitely have some ideas but I wouldn't think it's unusual not knowing all the fine details at this stage.

Honestly I don't see the outrage or unreasonableness to be honest - maybe they've only asked you 5 times in 5 months - hardly unreasonable? Granted 5 times in one week would be but it's all in the context

And yes some forward planning of finances etc is to be expected

You say you're fine if they can't accommodate your requested hours.
If you can't get a full time nursery place but they want you back full time, that wouldn't bother you?

I'd definitely be sorting out what hours you can get at your nursery of choice.

Under the right to request flexible working an employer can take up to 3 months to consider a request. You need to factor this into your planning.

It sounds like they are putting you first and trying to accommodate you ahead of the other staff, yet here you are moaning about it.

I think YABU.

They don't want to be in a situation where you say 'I don't know, I understand that I might not be able to do the hours I want though' because in those situations it's still common for people to not be able to get childcare to match up with days you want off (eg work can only give you Tuesdays off but nursery can only accommodate fridays) or people to ask for flexible working and get very angry when their request is denied to to other employees already having flexible working meaning there isnt enough cover on the team, because 'it's not fair, x has it and I don't'.

I know it's a lot to think about now but one of the things I wish I'd done differently with my first was sort out nursery etc before they were born as it was very stressful after a bad birth, severe anaemia and feeding issues trying to figure out nursery choices.

If you genuinely don't care that you might want to do 2 days on your return but be forced to do 5 days, because you didn't give them enough advance notice, then that's fair enough but the vast majority of people would not be happy employees returning to work in this scenario and some may not return at all and they are just trying to avoid this situation

I'd be telling them what you are most likely to want and add a caveat

Honestly it sounds like actually they're being more than accommodating by giving you the option first. You are being very nice about it in saying you don't mind if you don't get what you request, but most people wouldn't be.

If anything, if I were another member of staff THEN I'd be annoyed, because my flexible working/part time request should have nothing to do with what the new mum in the workplace wants, especially if I asked first - which it sounds like they have!

You don't need to give your notice until you're ready. I didn't give mine until a few months before, but then I got made redundant anyway.
Also don't worry about childcare, I got into a childcare with 3 weeks notice.

What about meeting somewhere In between what you'd like, so if full time was 35 hours, but you were thinking of dropping to 20 hours/3 days but can't decide now, you could say to them around 27 hours for instance, or you likely drop to 4days instead of full time. So at least it's in the middle of what your worst case scenario?

Part of me feels they are using the other staff excuse as a reason to continue hounding me about what my plan is.

You sound a bit antagonistic, when they’re really trying to be helpful. They’re putting your arrangements before those of the staff who are currently working. If I were one of your colleagues, I’d be a bit irritated.

I think you need to say that you’re not yet sure, band they should go ahead and consider other colleagues’ requests, and that you’ll accept what limitations that incurs.

The thing is op you need to make a decision because you need to contract your nursery accordingly. You can’t request part time from the nursery and then go back three months later when work refuse it and expect the nursery have the space, it’s likely they won’t.

And on the contrary if you contract full time and then wish to do part time, you will be liable for a notice period to reduce the hours and habe to pay

It really is better to make the decision, agree with your work and contract a nursery place accordingly.

They are trying to help you. No, you don’t have to say what you would like to do at this point, but it’s to your advantage if you do. Otherwise, you run the high risk that they cannot accommodate you and you will have to return to work on the same days and hours on which you left. They don’t have to let you work part time at all.

I'd be more concerned to lock in a part time contract now if they're a good employer and you're fairly sure than wait and be forced to do full time.

It wouldn't be an option here to sort nursery places late either I had to wait a year to get a place at one nursery.

I think maybe it's time to start thinking about things.

I am reading this as you being offered "first dibs" as it were on working hours. If you don't let them know what hours / days you want to return to, you may not have the choice in months to come.

FWIW, I have been on 3 maternity leaves, always had my return work schedule in place before I went off. I did make some changes (I took longer than the 9 months I'd initially agreed with DC3, giving more than the requisite notice and I changed my working days after actually going back but this was to suit business needs and I was able to sort this with my childcare) but overall the plan was in place long before I came back.

Do you have any thoughts on it at all? I mean surely this has come up in some abstract way? You must know if you can afford to go back to reduced hours for example?

My manager has recently returned from mat leave and she has definitely communicated what she was doing when returning as even I knew! I think you might be being a bit unreasonable here? If you'd like flexible time when your return then say so now!

I think they are being reasonable and accommodating by trying to listen to your needs before making a final decision!

Of course you can wait until just before you ate back, but in reality that means you'll have fewer flexible options.

I think most people would have some rough plans about their return to work by six months into their maternity as hildcare has to be booked.