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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Married name on passport and maiden name on everything else

83 replies

ClaraBean · 18/10/2021 21:26

and is it even possible?
I am pregnant with number 5, although my older four children are 20, 18, 16 and 14. My 14 year old is autistic (so not wild about change)
DP and I will be getting married before baby is born, but my children do not want me to change my surname as they want to have the same name as me. DP and I cannot double barrel as our names are too similar (think Garland and Garner - very similar sounds to our names), also I love my surname and dont really want to ditch it.
However, I want to be able to travel easily with new dc sometimes without DH.
Can i use my married name on my passport and my maiden name on everything else? Am i hormonal and overthinking it? Is it going to make life outrageously complicated?

OP posts:

ThirdElephant · 18/10/2021 21:28

You can get an 'also known as' added to your passport.

Thehop · 18/10/2021 21:29

You can if you want but what if you need ID?

Would husband change name to yours?

Create a new name for whole family to have?

My surname is different to my sons from my first marriage and I travelled with their birth certificate when they were babies, then as they got older check in staff just asked them who they were with and where they were going. They’re 11 and 12 now and nobody looks twice.

dementedpixie · 18/10/2021 21:32

Keep your own surname and give the new baby the same surname. Your dp could always change his to match all of you

karmakameleon · 18/10/2021 21:32

If you are married you can legally use both your married name and your maiden name. I have my passport in one and my driving licence in the other so I have photo ID for both names.

dementedpixie · 18/10/2021 21:36

Do you even need a married name if its easier to keep your existing surname? It would be easier for your dp to change his rather than cause upheaval to your existing children

JustLyra · 18/10/2021 21:40

You won't have any issues travelling with your DC just because you have a different name. It's incredibly common and not problematic.
Increases in checks on people travelling with children are across the board - I've been asked questions as often travelling with my younger kids who have the same name as I was with the older ones who didn't.

I would just leave your passport in the name you are using day to day.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 18/10/2021 21:41

If you change your name you’ll have a different one when travelling with your current youngest child so would still have the same dilemma.
I’d keep your name and give the new baby the same name as your children. Your DP is free to keep his or change if he wants the same surname.

Borris · 18/10/2021 21:43

I did this. Passport in married name. Driving license, bank accounts etc all in maiden name. Don't know whether it's legal or not but never had any problems. I never hired a car abroad though.

Now I'm divorced I've not changed my passport yet. Partly for expense but also waiting until kids are older when I don't think travelling with a different name will be a problem.

Merryoldgoat · 18/10/2021 21:46

Just keep your name.

You can just have your marriage certificate and kids birth certificate when you go away.

I have my maiden name and DS have their dad’s.

AliasGrape · 18/10/2021 21:48

I didn’t change my name when we first got married, DD has both surnames and so when I needed to renew my passport I did it in both surnames too the same as DD for a similar reason - I have an elderly relative abroad and it’s likely there will be times I will travel with DD but without DH.

For everything else I’m just still in my own/ original surname. It hasn’t caused any issues to date, though we’ve only been married a couple of years so I guess there’s a chance something could come up.

Actually one thing was the Covid passport thing as my nhs records are still in my original surname. It was actually fine when we recently went abroad to visit said relative, nobody questioned it. But I’ve updated my medical records now just in case.

iwishiwasafish · 18/10/2021 21:50

Why would you change your name in these circumstances? Keep your surname, and give new baby the same one.

parietal · 18/10/2021 21:50

my children's names go 'Firstname Middlename Myname DHname'

They use Myname as a middle name (not double barrelled) but it is there on their passport & I've never had any trouble travelling without DH.

If you do that, there will be no problems. Having different names for yourself on different paperwork can be a real pain.

guiltynetter · 18/10/2021 21:53

I did this and it has been a pain in the arse and I wish I had just changed it all at the same time.

When it came to renewing my DBS at work they wouldn't let me use my passport as ID as it wasn't in the same name I use at work.

When I needed to renew my driving license last month same thing, I could have done it online super easy, they use your existing passport picture and use it as ID. however because my passport was in married name and driving license in maiden I couldn't do it online and had to spend ages faffing about getting a passport type photo, going to post office for forms, I had to send my passport and marriage certificate and they've had them for 5 weeks now (massive backlog at the DVLA)

That's just 2 examples where it's been really annoying so far.

LorenzoVonMatterhorn · 18/10/2021 21:53

Why change your name at all? Just keep your name. Get your do to change to your name too. Baby obviously gets your name.

Rumplestrumpet · 18/10/2021 21:55

Why would you change your name? Keep your name and give your child your surname, or else double barrel it if it really matters to your fiancé (unless it spells out something offensive like Big-Willy any two names can be put together, no one cares).

I feel like we make our lives complicated due to some some misplaced loyalty to an outdated tradition.

YoBeaches · 18/10/2021 21:55

Your legal name will be your married name unless you don't change it and don't sign the register using his surname.

All your ID documents should be in your legal name.

In your shoes, I wouldn't change my surname. Just keep it as it is. If baby's surname doesn't match then I think you need to carry birth certificate with you for travel... but... ask DP to change his name?

gogohm · 18/10/2021 21:56

If you travel with dc and no dh you should carry birth certificate and permission letter anyway, it might be a bit of a faff but child abduction overseas is such a problem. I wouldn't worry about surnames, so common now

NavigatingAdolescence · 18/10/2021 21:59

@parietal

my children's names go 'Firstname Middlename Myname DHname'

They use Myname as a middle name (not double barrelled) but it is there on their passport & I've never had any trouble travelling without DH.

If you do that, there will be no problems. Having different names for yourself on different paperwork can be a real pain.

Same.

Never had a second’s issue with it. (Hell would freeze over before I followed probably the most misogynistic and hideous tradition that exists and change my name.)

NavigatingAdolescence · 18/10/2021 22:01

@YoBeaches

Your legal name will be your married name unless you don't change it and don't sign the register using his surname.

All your ID documents should be in your legal name.

You sign the register in your own name. There is no such thing as a legal name, and it certainly doesn’t fucking change automatically on marriage if you happen to have a vagina.

EmmaGrundyForPM · 18/10/2021 22:05

Why change your name? I really don't see why you want to. Keep your name, if your dc all have your surname, and there is no issue.

SarahAndQuack · 18/10/2021 22:09

I agree that the best option would seem to be just not changing.

You can use different names on different documents, but IME it's actually a royal pain in the arse because people are ignorant about it. Effectively, you wouldn't be able to use your passport as ID for anything, because the name would be different from everything else.

Original poster

ClaraBean · 18/10/2021 22:10

Thanks all.
I wouldn't really be changing my surname. It would only be married name on passport. Everything else would be my maiden name. Baby will definitely have Dh's surname though, I would have a different name to dh and baby, but same surname as the other kids.
If taking marriage certificate and birth certificate when travelling is enough then maybe I won't bother. I do quite like the idea of one thing with dh surname.
If it weren't for the other kids hating the idea I would probably take his name as it is a lovely name, but I love my name too.
Had thought of using my surname as a middle name but it could end up a long and annoying kind of name!

OP posts:

dementedpixie · 18/10/2021 22:15

@YoBeaches

Your legal name will be your married name unless you don't change it and don't sign the register using his surname.

All your ID documents should be in your legal name.

What rubbish. Your name doesn't change unless you actively change it. You sign the register with your existing name.

dementedpixie · 18/10/2021 22:16

Or are you saying that the legal name is the existing name (or maiden name if you want to call it that)?

eurochick · 18/10/2021 22:16

It would make much more sense for your husband to change his name to yours. Then you would all have the same name, your older children included.

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