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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Married name on passport and maiden name on everything else

83 replies

ClaraBean · 18/10/2021 21:26

and is it even possible?
I am pregnant with number 5, although my older four children are 20, 18, 16 and 14. My 14 year old is autistic (so not wild about change)
DP and I will be getting married before baby is born, but my children do not want me to change my surname as they want to have the same name as me. DP and I cannot double barrel as our names are too similar (think Garland and Garner - very similar sounds to our names), also I love my surname and dont really want to ditch it.
However, I want to be able to travel easily with new dc sometimes without DH.
Can i use my married name on my passport and my maiden name on everything else? Am i hormonal and overthinking it? Is it going to make life outrageously complicated?

OP posts:
Dogsandbabies · 19/10/2021 09:28

Keep your surname and pop a photocopy of the birth certificate in your child's passport. I do this. Never had any problems at all.

User527294627 · 19/10/2021 09:29

Surely it makes more sense to give the new baby your surname?

Terribleluck · 19/10/2021 09:31

My surname doesn't match my children's and never will. Travel regularly abroad with them. Zero issues in the past 10+ years. The only place I used my double barrelled surname is on FB!

KingdomScrolls · 19/10/2021 09:32

I don't understand your reasoning. If you don't have your passport in your married name you travel with a different name to your youngest, if you do have your passport in your married name you travel with a different name to your older children.... Either way the issue you are concerned about is present. The only way to avoid it is to give baby your name. If you want to take your husband's name just say that, rather than giving illogical excuses.

Topseyt · 19/10/2021 09:34

@YoBeaches

Your legal name will be your married name unless you don't change it and don't sign the register using his surname.

All your ID documents should be in your legal name.

In your shoes, I wouldn't change my surname. Just keep it as it is. If baby's surname doesn't match then I think you need to carry birth certificate with you for travel... but... ask DP to change his name?

Rubbish. You sign the register in your current name anyway so unless you choose to actually change names afterwards you remain legally known as your current name, not your married one.

Why change your name at all? I wouldn't in your circumstances. You aren't obliged to. Baby is given your surname, or your DP can change to your name.

HermioneWeasley · 19/10/2021 09:36

Why would you have one child with a different surname to their siblings?

Original poster
ClaraBean · 19/10/2021 09:38

@KingdomScrolls my reasoning for that is my older children will all be adults in three years time, then it won't be an issue at all for the older ones.

Also, and I probably should have mentioned this before, my surname is quite unusual, and I wanted the older kids to have it as they would be the last with that surname so there surname is double barrelled with my ex husband (think something sounding similar to Garner - Robertson), so we would never all have exactly the same surname anyway.
I think I like the idea of having my surname as one of the middle names of new dc, even though that will sound a bit bonkers.

OP posts:
shouldistop · 19/10/2021 09:39

I have my married name on my passport, mortgage & nhs and my maiden name on drivers license and bank accounts.
Never had an issue.
You're allowed to use 2 names as long as you're not doing it to commit any type of fraud or deceive people about who you are.

shouldistop · 19/10/2021 09:40

*Your legal name will be your married name unless you don't change it and don't sign the register using his surname.

All your ID documents should be in your legal name.*

You've just made that up

Original poster
ClaraBean · 19/10/2021 09:41

Also I wouldn't be changing my name, it would literally own be on my passport as the same as new dc

I have to renew my passport next year anyway or I probably wouldn't bother, but my passport is currently in my old surname (same as kids, my surname and ex surname double barrelled) and I want to change that when I marry DP anyway. I don't want to be married but have my passport in my name with my ex.
If my passport was in my name and I didn't have to renew it anyway I wouldn't bother

OP posts:
CloseYourEyesAndSee · 19/10/2021 09:43

Renew your passport into your own name only as in drop your ex's name

youvegottenminuteslynn · 19/10/2021 09:43

[quote ClaraBean]@KingdomScrolls my reasoning for that is my older children will all be adults in three years time, then it won't be an issue at all for the older ones.

Also, and I probably should have mentioned this before, my surname is quite unusual, and I wanted the older kids to have it as they would be the last with that surname so there surname is double barrelled with my ex husband (think something sounding similar to Garner - Robertson), so we would never all have exactly the same surname anyway.
I think I like the idea of having my surname as one of the middle names of new dc, even though that will sound a bit bonkers.
[/quote]
Why isn't it an option for your partner to change his name when it's a more convenient and logical thing to do in your circumstances?

TreXX · 19/10/2021 09:46

My child and I have different surnames and have travelled together extensively with no issues.

If I had my time again my child would have my surname but not for any practical reason, I think I'd just prefer it.

Original poster
ClaraBean · 19/10/2021 09:47

Both his parents died when he was very young. He's 40 and still struggles with the loss of his parents and for him it's a link to them. I have no problem with him keeping his surname. Im happy to keep my name. I don't need to have the same name as DP, that is not what is important to me other than in practical terms, and really that's only travelling with dc as we have travel a lot.

OP posts:
Terribleluck · 19/10/2021 09:48

@shouldistop not if you're a dual national who's birth country doesn't recognise married names. That's my case. When I naturalised the Home Office made me change everything to my maiden name. (And had to sent proof of this too).

Finals1234 · 19/10/2021 09:50

My child and I have different surnames and have travelled together extensively with no issues

I have had the same experience. I carry their birth certificates with me just in case, but I have never been asked for them.

shouldistop · 19/10/2021 09:51

@Terribleluck that's a specific circumstance relating to you though and not what the op was describing?

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 19/10/2021 09:56

@ClaraBean

Both his parents died when he was very young. He's 40 and still struggles with the loss of his parents and for him it's a link to them. I have no problem with him keeping his surname. Im happy to keep my name. I don't need to have the same name as DP, that is not what is important to me other than in practical terms, and really that's only travelling with dc as we have travel a lot.
I've travelled with DC who has a different name dozens and dozens of times and it's not a problem at all Photograph his birth certificate and keep the photo on your phone for if you are ever asked for it
CloseYourEyesAndSee · 19/10/2021 09:58

@YoBeaches

Your legal name will be your married name unless you don't change it and don't sign the register using his surname.

All your ID documents should be in your legal name.

In your shoes, I wouldn't change my surname. Just keep it as it is. If baby's surname doesn't match then I think you need to carry birth certificate with you for travel... but... ask DP to change his name?

Hahahaha no Your name is your name. It doesn't magically change on marriage. You can use the marriage certificate to change your name if you wish but if you don't then nothing changes. FGS.
frazzledasarock · 19/10/2021 10:00

Yes you can.

I had my married name on my passport with first marriage. I didn't want to change my name on anything hence it was just my passport. Was a bugger changing it back on divorce, had to produce divorce and marriage certificate!

TheChiefJo · 19/10/2021 10:10

YANBU, it's a personal choice. I've ended up with two names just by circumstance. I married young and did my degree in my married name, got my clinical registration in married name but just never got round to changing passport and driver's licence. I've since divorced but never changed my 'professional' name because it would be such a headache and it's what I'm used to. Only once or twice have I been asked to explain the discrepancy and it wasn't a drama because I can't even remember what it was for now.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 19/10/2021 10:13

Why not ask DP to change his surname to yours?

Miliao · 19/10/2021 10:38

It’s really no problem at all travelling with different surnames - we all have a different one!

Ionlyhave2hands · 19/10/2021 10:53

I think the most important thing here is to give the baby your original/'maiden' name as the baby's middle name and DP's surname if a double barrel doesn't suit. It'll be up to the baby in time how much he/she wants to emphasise the middle name but I think it's important that it's an option. No one ever wants to hear it but there is always a chance that your relationship with DP won't last forever. The siblings' link and yours to the baby will though.

If this was me, I'd want to give more of a link between all of the children (and mine) in names and wouldn't want to drop that by giving the baby just their dad's surname.

Keep your surname on the passport regardless. Double barrelling it just on the passport makes sense to me if you don't want to go by that in other walks of life and shouldn't cause too many issues.

Ionlyhave2hands · 19/10/2021 11:01

If I had my time again, I think I would have given my 3 DC my original surname as a middle name (or an extra middle name). Now that I am divorced from their dad the only thing stopping me from reverting back to my original name is that I won't have the same surname as them 🙄

I feel lumped with their dad's name to keep now because I don't want to be different to them and be the odd one out. V annoying.