Married name on passport and maiden name on everything else

[ClaraBean]

and is it even possible?
I am pregnant with number 5, although my older four children are 20, 18, 16 and 14. My 14 year old is autistic (so not wild about change)
DP and I will be getting married before baby is born, but my children do not want me to change my surname as they want to have the same name as me. DP and I cannot double barrel as our names are too similar (think Garland and Garner - very similar sounds to our names), also I love my surname and dont really want to ditch it.
However, I want to be able to travel easily with new dc sometimes without DH.
Can i use my married name on my passport and my maiden name on everything else? Am i hormonal and overthinking it? Is it going to make life outrageously complicated?

@YoBeaches

Your legal name will be your married name unless you don't change it and don't sign the register using his surname.

All your ID documents should be in your legal name.

In your shoes, I wouldn't change my surname. Just keep it as it is. If baby's surname doesn't match then I think you need to carry birth certificate with you for travel... but... ask DP to change his name?

This is not true - you sign your maiden name on the paperwork when you get married! That's how you can trace family history.

@YoBeaches

Your legal name will be your married name unless you don't change it and don't sign the register using his surname.

All your ID documents should be in your legal name.

In your shoes, I wouldn't change my surname. Just keep it as it is. If baby's surname doesn't match then I think you need to carry birth certificate with you for travel... but... ask DP to change his name?

That utter rubbish.

You don’t sign the register in your married name for starters as it wouldn’t match your name on the certificate.

You can also legally call yourself whatever you like as long as it’s not with the intention of defrauding anyone.

Millions of women have one ID at work and one out of work for starters.

@eurochick

It would make much more sense for your husband to change his name to yours. Then you would all have the same name, your older children included.

Indeed. But the poor chap may genuinely fear his knob will fall off if he does.

It makes so much more sense for your DP to change his surname. It solves literally every problem.

Maiden name.

Is it Misogyny Monday again already?

Men just have a name. From birth, forever. Why on earth, in 2021, are these ridiculousl, sexist expectations still in place for women?

I’ve had the same name since birth - over 40 years. Married 17 years. Never once used Mrs or DH’s name. So why am I getting birthday cards this week addressed to Mrs DH’s name from people who have known me since birth?! Answer: abject ducking sexism.

Buck the trend, OP. For our daughters’ (and their daughters’) sakes.

It is a right royal PITA to have a half changed name.

I'd keep yours, and give your next baby a surname that matches all your other DC.

If your DH is that bothered about names all being the same, he can change. Too weird and too much hassle for him? Ask him why he expects a woman to do that as a matter of course, and not match all her DC.

If he really won't, then just don't change your name.

The extra admin of carrying a consent letter and copy of the full form BC of your child when travelling is nothing like the admin challenges of passport not matching driving licence and credit card when you are away.

Oh god. 6 people have to dance around one male ego.

Your boyfriend is the one joining a ready made family, no one should be taking his name, he should be taking the family's name

I've got my maiden name on passport and drivers licence (I think these have to match). Bank accounts in married name. Mortgage in maiden name. It hasn't caused me any issues. Travelled with dc a lot when my eldest was small and was only questioned once on the way into U.S. just carry birth certificate and a letter permitting travel from DP as some countries are funny about that. Suspect it crops up more when men are travelling with children alone.

I did not change my name. DD is FirstName, SecondName, MySurname, DHSurname for this reason. I'm happy to additionally travel with a copy of birth certificate if necessary.

DH is a teacher and he says many kids have mother's maiden name as a middle name these days. He sees them when he does passports for school trips.

There are more of you than there are of him.

Give the baby your name to match their siblings. Keep yours. He can change.

Agree with everyone else, baby gets your surname, future DH changes to it if you all want the same name.

@karmakameleon

If you are married you can legally use both your married name and your maiden name. I have my passport in one and my driving licence in the other so I have photo ID for both names.

This! I use either, depending on what the need is. Married surname for kid stuff, maiden name for other stuff. You can get ‘known as’ added to your passport too, as PP says.

My DC have a different surname to me, I just carry their birth certs (adoption certs in our case) when travelling. You don't need a marriage cert, I've never been asked for one.

Given that you and 4 kids have your name, I would keep your name, give nee baby your name, and suggest your DP changes his.

Your legal name will be your married name unless you don't change it and don't sign the register using his surname

What utter bullshit. I'm a solicitor and I've never seen the legislation you refer to that decrees a married woman's surname must "legally" be her husband's. Please do refer me to this act of parliament that I have missed. I shall be truly fascinated.

OP, why on earth do you think you have to (a) change your name on your passport and (b) give your child the fathers name. I am married and haven't done either. There's nothing wrong with the name I was born with and I'm keeping it. It's not the middle ages and I'm not a chattel!!!

It is possible, I'v done the same as @karmakameleon
Never had any issues. The marriage certificate will be proof that you are able to use both names. Be warned some people are clueless that you don't have to change your name, I had a bloke from the mortgage company tell me it was illegal not to have changed my name.

I have never changed my name on anything despite being married for over 20 years
And I’ve travelled all over the world with my son who has a different name to mine .
The only problem I got was when my dad passed away and the insurance policy was in my married name - no idea why he did that and I I but had no iD in my married name .
But I just sent a copy of my driving licence n
Bank account & passport which are in my maiden name and a letter explaining .
Oh and original copy of my married certificate and the insurance company were happy with that

My passport is in my maiden name. I have my marriage certificate when travelling with my children so I can prove I am their Mum, but never been asked.

Best was when DH handed over 4 passports at passport control and was given his and the kids back an I was presented with mine separately ( in the US).

In this situation, why on Earth would baby have the fathers surname?!

Gahhhhhhhhh

@rainyskylight

I did not change my name. DD is FirstName, SecondName, MySurname, DHSurname for this reason. I'm happy to additionally travel with a copy of birth certificate if necessary.

DH is a teacher and he says many kids have mother's maiden name as a middle name these days. He sees them when he does passports for school trips.

Mother's maiden name as a middle name is very traditional in parts of Scotland.

I did that - changed my passport when we got married as wanted to be Mr and Mrs on honeymoon, but left everything else as was. Happily stayed like that for 4 years until DD was born, when I wanted the same surname as her.

I travelled a lot with my job so the only tricky thing was reminding staff travel to book my flights as married name, and telling the hotels I'd be checking in as married name.

Travel is a bit of a red herring as they are primarily trying to avoid child abduction -which is in most cases by a parent, so having the same surname as a child is therefore neither here nor there. If you travel with your child alone you need a letter from the other parent and a copy of their passport. The UK generally isn’t very strict with checking this but some other countries are very strict.

I kept my maiden name. Dc have dh surname. Never had any problems travelling with the dc (either on my own or with dh) iirc I was asked about the names when travelling in Egypt, but it really wasn't an issue, it was a couple of questions by a lovely immigration officer. No problems with travelling anywhere in Europe on my own with DC (although since Covid we haven't been off this sceptred septic isle)

Why won't your partner change his last name to yours? Then baby can have it too and the problem is solved.

Wouldn't he be willing to do that?

If not... why not?