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Original poster

Friend blocked us for paying her pay

130 replies

Lettingoffstea · 18/10/2021 16:59

Group of four friends for about four years go out for lunch every 2 weeks. We tend to go to the same place cheap and cheerful. Noticed in the last year one friend had never got any money or left her card at home. Takes money from another friend never pays it back. This friend is not strapped for cash she is always buying new clothes, cigarettes and booze for herself to drink at home. We said it is your turn to pay last time we went out. She paid but now had blocked us all. Sorry txt is so long but not sure how to deal with this any help please

OP posts:
slashlover · 19/10/2021 18:50

@GrandmaAli

She may be suffering from depression or/& an addiction, and your get togethers were the one thing holding her above water, and instead of talking to her and asking her if she needed help you've - unfortunately - embarrassed her!!!

Read the OPs posts. She had her meal and the first round paid, she was asked to pay for her drink, one alcoholic drink and one soft drink. That's it. She's been free loading off of a pensioner for FOUR YEARS.

GrandmaAli · 19/10/2021 19:01

[quote slashlover]@GrandmaAli

She may be suffering from depression or/& an addiction, and your get togethers were the one thing holding her above water, and instead of talking to her and asking her if she needed help you've - unfortunately - embarrassed her!!!

Read the OPs posts. She had her meal and the first round paid, she was asked to pay for her drink, one alcoholic drink and one soft drink. That's it. She's been free loading off of a pensioner for FOUR YEARS.[/quote]
YOU read the post!!
She has been freeloading for ONE year!

caspersmagicaljourney · 19/10/2021 19:03

Good riddance to a bad 'friend'.
I don't think you need any help with this decision🤔

daisychain01 · 19/10/2021 19:08

@Lettingoffstea

Thank you for all the advice. Yes we have all noticed she is a free loader but to block us all without discussing it has really upset us. And yes she really has taken money from one friend on (who is on a pension) and never once offered to pay it back. We all feel used and upset but I guess we should have all noticed it earlier. Sad though because she is good company
It could have been shame on her part, not being able to face the fact she was called out. Yes she was definitely a CF but until you called her out on her bad behaviour, she was probsbly in fools paradise accepting handouts.

Do nothing. You won't hear from her again, but it will hopefully be a lesson in life to her and she will remember it for a long time to come.

Gohardorgohome · 19/10/2021 19:23

Sounds like you’ve dealt with it really effective already!

ddl1 · 19/10/2021 19:48

Well, if that's her attitude, she was never much of a friend. Just a user, and maybe it's a good thing that it came to a head now rather than later.

SamW98 · 19/10/2021 19:54

You're well rid. We've got a social circle and started noticing that one of the group - who earns more than any of us - always forgets her purse, never offers to drive (she's got a brand new £30k car, the rest of us drive second hand run abouts), always says 'oh get me a ticket and I'll transfer money' then forgets and once when challenged said her bank account had been hacked and frozen

Once the rest of us started piecing together the patten, we've stopped inviting her unless we say we're all getting our own tickets so to buy her own or say we will meet her there. Funny enough, we've not seen her since - these people don't like getting caught out

StargazerAli · 19/10/2021 19:55

Seems like you've paid enough for her 'good company'. I daresay the resentment would build and ruin the friendship eventually anyway, so she's done you all a favour.

Dibbydoos · 19/10/2021 20:40

I understand exactly why you don't know what to do, you're a decent human being and it's hurtful. Your friend probably had her reasons to do what she did - whi knows what's going on in other people's lives and heads. She's chosen to block you all, so it's really her choice to change that. Best wishes x

ShinyHappyPeopleHoldingHaands · 19/10/2021 21:18

People pretending not to know what the OP needs help with.. or sneering at her wording… I think it’s fairly obvious she was just asking for advice about a situation that is upsetting to her. Perhaps you might have worded it differently but nonetheless her post is courteous and clear

GrandmaAli · 19/10/2021 22:56

Lettingoffstea

Go with your gut feeling, hun!!

KittycatGal · 20/10/2021 01:56

If she trys to contact one of you , that is the one she feels is an easy target to try to use.
Good riddence

EmeraldShamrock · 20/10/2021 02:04

It's shit when a nice person has some shitty traits.
Attack is the first form of defence. Hopefully she'll realise she is a dick and apologise once her wounded self heals.
She deserved to be called out on it.

GrandmaAli · 20/10/2021 05:26

EmeraldShamrock
I think we all have some shitty traits, no matter who we are or how nice we are, it's called being human!!

LoisLane66 · 21/10/2021 09:12

You're well rid. Wipe her from your mind.

LoisLane66 · 21/10/2021 09:17

The only 'shitty traits' I have are being too independent and always paying back lifts with wine, cake, hand-cream or such like.
Friends know I don't drink so always deduct drinks from bill before splitting.

LoisLane66 · 21/10/2021 09:24

I though the OP was talking about a group of friends in their 20s/30s not someone who'd 'borrow' from a pensioner. What a horrible individual she must be...but you all facilitated her actions.

LoisLane66 · 21/10/2021 09:34

I might have said at the outset (in a phone call) 'Hey! don't forget your wallet as it's your turn this time', followed by a little jokey laugh.
Facing that, reminded her before ordering that it's her turn to pay and if she 'forgot her card' again then she can't order anything.
I'd have no problem calling her out on it in a straightforward manner. She knew you were all too polite to say anything...until now.

LoisLane66 · 21/10/2021 09:35

*failing not facing.

Bluntness100 · 21/10/2021 09:53

I don’t understand why she needs to pay for everyone’s lunch when she only takes from one friend? She doesn’t personally owe the other two anything? And why do you feel used? She’s not taken from you from what you’ve written?

Reallyimeanreally2022 · 21/10/2021 10:04

@Bluntness100

There’s a lot about this thread I don’t understand
4 years. Socialising every fortnight. That this has been a problem Hmm

Bluntness100 · 21/10/2021 10:35

Yes it reads like bullying. She bought you lunch so now you need to buy us all lunch. Which is not fair at all.

Unless the op has missed something but she appears very clear.

JustLyra · 21/10/2021 10:42

The comment about her lunch on that day being bought by one friend and the taking money from pensioner friend reads to me like they took in turns to buy lunch, so she freeloaded from them all and borrowed money from the pensioner friend without paying it back.

Rather than only freeloading from one friend.

Reallyimeanreally2022 · 21/10/2021 10:45

@JustLyra

The comment about her lunch on that day being bought by one friend and the taking money from pensioner friend reads to me like they took in turns to buy lunch, so she freeloaded from them all and borrowed money from the pensioner friend without paying it back.

Rather than only freeloading from one friend.

For 4 years Every fortnight They’ve been stewing on this

Mind boggles

AdmiralCain · 21/10/2021 11:26

The trash took itself out, always good when that happens.