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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Friend blocked us for paying her pay

130 replies

Lettingoffstea · 18/10/2021 16:59

Group of four friends for about four years go out for lunch every 2 weeks. We tend to go to the same place cheap and cheerful. Noticed in the last year one friend had never got any money or left her card at home. Takes money from another friend never pays it back. This friend is not strapped for cash she is always buying new clothes, cigarettes and booze for herself to drink at home. We said it is your turn to pay last time we went out. She paid but now had blocked us all. Sorry txt is so long but not sure how to deal with this any help please

OP posts:

bluelemming · 18/10/2021 17:46

As PPs have said, she's probably very embarrassed at having been called out on it and this is her way of dealing with it. It's her issue to resolve, not yours.

JustLyra · 18/10/2021 17:48

@Lettingoffstea

Yes we have only just found out that the pensioner friend has given her money when I voiced that mean friend never pays her way. So annoyed with pensioner friend for not speaking up before.

You’re annoyed because your friend didn’t speak up even though you also didn’t speak up until now?

That’s pretty unreasonable

Imnothereforthedrama · 18/10/2021 17:57

Course she’s blocked you she’s been caught out .
Not sure how to deal with it , well you’ve dealt with it by calling her out .

AmyDudley · 18/10/2021 17:57

Not sure if she has 'borrowed' from the same person all the time or from you all equally. If she scrounged from just one person in the group then she doesn't need to pay for you all as her behaviour has only financially affected one of you, so I imagine this is her grievance also that obviously you have all been discussing the plan to make her pay behind her back which would make her feel like none of you like her. (far enough she's a scrounger) but just trying to explain how her thinking may have gone.
If she scrounges equally form you all then fair enough to get her to pay. But if it was only one of you I thiknk a better strategy would have been to take her aside and say 'Hey Spongerfriend, you do know Jane is on a pension - its not fair to keep taking money from her, you need to pay for her lunch for a good few sessions to make it up to her'. She might have reacted a bit better to that.

But all in all - no real loss, unless you are all desperate to keep her as a friend in which case, you can;t do much as she's blocked you all. Otherwise you could suggest drawing a line and moving on making sure everyone pays their way.

MargaretFaffter · 18/10/2021 17:58

In the words of Elsa (or is the other one, I can’t remember) - let it go!

I’m surprised you tolerated this piss-takery for so long.

WhereYouLeftIt · 18/10/2021 17:59

@Lettingoffstea

Yes we have only just found out that the pensioner friend has given her money when I voiced that mean friend never pays her way. So annoyed with pensioner friend for not speaking up before.

Annoyed with your friend who's on a pension? Seriously? Give yourself a shake. There is only one person here to be annoyed at, and that is the freeloader. Annoyance at anyone else is you misdirecting your annoyance at YOURSELF for putting up with this shit. Don't you dare be annoyed at your pensioner friend, be annoyed at yourself or the freeloader ONLY. Pfft.

mountbattenbergcake · 18/10/2021 17:59

Who on earth are the 14 people who voted YABU?

Well done for speaking up, CFs hate being exposed.

Stuckhere2021 · 18/10/2021 18:03

Your title is misleading but sack her off. A lot of free loaders are great company cos they’re doing it on someone’s else’s money!! No loss but don’t be surprised if she doesn’t come crawling back when she runs out of suckers!

NotSoNewAndShiny · 18/10/2021 18:07

OP, there's nothing to deal with. She's done you a favour.

She may have thought you all should've known she couldn't pay but as you've said, she's not strapped for cash and takes the piss by pretending to borrow money, then not paying.

Not sure how to vote though. YANBU for asking her to pay. Yabu for thinking you need to do something about her blocking you.

ilovesooty · 18/10/2021 18:14

So you noticed over the last year that the sponger never had the means to pay but you've only recently realised your friend on a pension was paying and that friend should have spoken up earlier?

Who did you think was subsidising her and why do you all feel used and upset?

Darkdarknights · 18/10/2021 18:16

Did you make her pay for everyone or just her share of the bill?

Subbaxeo · 18/10/2021 18:17

Is she any loss?

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 18/10/2021 18:21

Of course she's good company when she's getting free food and booze! Funnily enough, not such good company when you ask her to pay her share.

Put it down to experience and enjoy further lunches with your actual friends.

Reallyimeanreally2022 · 18/10/2021 18:24

So you have not been paying for her? The friend has been? And then the other friend has been saying she’ll pay her back. And she hasn’t been?

Reallyimeanreally2022 · 18/10/2021 18:26

Presumably an old close friend of socialising regularly as a group of 4? You presumably like and care for her? Can’t understand why you didn’t take her aside and chat rather than just a confrontation at the dinner table

Mamanyt · 18/10/2021 18:29

You were only her friends when you were treating her, time after time? Write her off, it's no great loss.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 18/10/2021 18:33

@Funnylittlefloozie

Not really a problem, is it? Your scrounging friend is embarrassed that you called her out,and now she can't use you, she can't be bothered with you.

I don’t suppose she’s embarrassed - just pissed off that she can’t scrounge any more!

IMO you’re well rid of her, OP. I’m

Notsurewheretogo · 18/10/2021 18:40

This all sounds really odd.

You notice a good friend is taking the piss out if another friend, so instead of discussing it. You got out, all sit have good fun, all knowing you are going to call her out and tell her she has to pay for all of you, at the end of the meal?

That seems very very odd for people who are good friends. From all of you Including the freeloader.

SnoopyLights · 18/10/2021 18:48

It sounds like your trash has taken itself out.

dottiedodah · 18/10/2021 18:48

What a CF! To take money from someone on a pension as well .That really takes the biscuit . I would forget all about her TBH she sounds quite rude and entitled to me .I think you will all have a better (And cheaper)time without her !

Sloth66 · 18/10/2021 18:51

Good riddance to bad rubbish - A stingy freeloader and user.

If she can’t find other people to sponge off, expect her to contact you again.

Twolostsoulsswimminginafishbow · 18/10/2021 18:52

I’m assuming you all paid her share for part of the time but other times she coughed up, you only later realising she got the money from your friend on a pension. Is that correct?

HollyandIvyandAllThingsYule · 18/10/2021 18:56

@IneedSocks

Let her go, she was a free loader!

This.

WhenPushComesToShove · 18/10/2021 18:57

If you as a group want entertainment, presumably you'll pay for it. It was never the deal from what you say, that the group agreed to sub her. Cheeky fuckery on a grand scale and good riddance I say

Cheeseontoastwithchopsauce · 18/10/2021 18:57

I can't understand why you're upset about her blocking you, good company or not I'd be quite happy to be honest
Let her find another set of gullible friends to scrounge off of 🤷‍♀️

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