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Original poster

Help! Son must not have access to child trust fund

402 replies

Comingup · 17/10/2021 20:34

My son will be 18 soon and is addicted to weed, he is aggressive and abusive. Can anyone tell me what actually happens when18th birthday comes up? Do they write to the child? Can I stop it from maturing or whatever it does. I am really panicking as I have had a massive altercation with him where he admits spending a fortune every week on weed. I plan to ring the company but after tonight don't think I will sleep at the thought of him having any more money to harm himself with.

OP posts:
couchparsnip · 18/10/2021 07:27

@HeartsAndClubs

It may not be an issue anyway. DN turned 18 recently and rang whatever line it is you have to talk to and was told all the funds closed 2 years ago and there is no way of accessing them any more.

I don’t know anyone else who has one, but I do know that he’s been told by the gov team that he won’t be given any money.

That sounds strange. Did they have it in a proper trust fund account? DS and DD have funds with my bank and get letters every year telling them how much is in there.
UnbeatenMum · 18/10/2021 07:31

Your best chance IMO is to get him to agree that he'd like to save it for his future and help him put it in an account that he can't easily access (notice account, something without internet banking, LISA etc). Does he have calm moments at all where he might be able to discuss it?

speakout · 18/10/2021 07:32

I'm sorry OP.

I hope there is something you can do- but I fear not.

Which is why saving in a chid's name is never a good idea.

My Ds's friend had money from a fund set up by his grandfather.
When he turned 18 he had £28,000 put into his bank account.
It was spent in 4 months.

RedHelenB · 18/10/2021 07:40

[quote icanbewhatiwant]@Comingup mine both got £250 CTF but not a second £250 age 7. I want the other £250 now. I thought the government stopped the second payment. Personally I would keep the letters when they arrive for a while so he doesn't have the money (one of mine is 18 next month and I got a letter first telling me Ds will get a letter shortly) It's not like you are steeling the money. But he might change in a year or so. My mum put money away for me when I was 18. But it was in her name so when I turned 18 she bought herself a car with the money. Now that felt like she was taking my money...you are not keeping it...so I don't know why people are saying you shouldn't do that. No harm in not telling him for a while. [/quote]
But of it was in your name she couldn't have done that. As a grandparent, if I want to save for my grandkids it will be in their names for that very reason.

beastlyslumber · 18/10/2021 07:41

It's like living with an abuser

Not 'like' - it IS living with an abuser. Sorry OP. I think you should tell him to move out with his money. Thank God you can give him those funds which represent a chance to sort himself out - but do tell him to leave and support himself from now on. You've done your bit and you can't keep living this way.

Hillary17 · 18/10/2021 07:43

Sorry to hear this. Also sorry to say this but why is the man still living with you? He wants to act as though he has his life together and can make his own decisions - if he was my child I’d have packed his things and asked him to leave months ago.

Offmyfence · 18/10/2021 07:49

@HalfCakeHalfBiscuit

Interesting the number of posters saying 'hide the post' or similar. So advocating stealing from their child. Not really a good example to set
Where has OP said she's stealing it? I think she's saying she wants to safeguard it from being wasted.

Stop making up scenarios.

Tryagainplease · 18/10/2021 07:50

OP in so sorry to hear about how he treats you.

IMO, if he is adult enough to receive this sum of money then he needs to be treated like an adult in all other areas too. If he is abusive, you call the police.
You should also kick him out of your home. Does he pay you any rent to live there? These are the things you can control, not what he spends his money on. I would absolutely start there. Start getting serious with him and hopefully it will be a wake-up call.

He is pushing your boundaries because he knows he can get away with it.

icanbewhatiwant · 18/10/2021 07:56

@RedHelenB this wasn't a ctf it was something my mum did. It was in her name. I'm not bothered now. But I was 30 years ago. It's good that the ctf is in the child's name so parents can't keep it.

cptartapp · 18/10/2021 07:56

Hearts you've been wrongly advised. The funds may have been frozen but you're still entitled to whats in the account. Both DS withdrew theirs last year and moved the funds to an ISA.

speakout · 18/10/2021 07:58

I think she's saying she wants to safeguard it from being wasted.

But you can't prevent an adult from accessing his own funds.

RantyAunty · 18/10/2021 08:07

OP I went through this with my DS.
He wasn't violent though.

Is he in school or working at all?

As hard as it is, when kicks off, you have to call the police on him. He needs a rude awakening.

As for the trust part, it's good your DS doesn't know about it. At 18, it's very unlikely he pays attention to mail.

I would keep the letters from him. Of course he will waste it on drugs.

You may be in more danger from him when he goes on a bender. He is also in danger having the money and a lot more drugs, alcohol, etc.

My DS did know about the money and never in a million years did I dream he would have had a drinking habit. I didn't have any say about the money and there was nothing I could do about it.

The way it was set up, it was certain amounts at 18, 19, 20 then 30 and 35. Well he found out a way to sell the 30 and 35 year parts and he did. It's so disappointing that he wasted all the money and it was a lot.

Do what you need to to protect yourself. Is his father in the picture?

Lotusmonster · 18/10/2021 08:15

I’m another that wouldn’t hesitate to conceal letters etc whilst he’s in the grip of substance addiction. My DD has complex MH issues and alcohol dependency but is currently dry 🤞. She does have access to a help to buy ISA but has agreed that we ‘watch’ it with her atm …but she’s in a different place and in recovery now. Unfortunately I know addicts will say and do anything to ensure access to the substance supply. If the money were to go onto substance I would have no hesitation in making sure her GP’s who gave that money to her knew all about it and would ask them to ask for it back. Drugs, alcohol and access to money are a bad bad mix OP …any rehab clinic will tell you that.

worriedatthemoment · 18/10/2021 08:23

@UseTheRakeDear mine born 2003 got £250- and got just short of £400 and as august born missed the second Payment

EmeraldShamrock · 18/10/2021 08:30

Can you convince him to reinvest, he isn't in the right frame of mine, if he refused I'd ask him to leave or buy a log cabin for the garden.

The government's need to invest some serious money into weed addiction, it is a psychological addiction and dismissed as non addictive while families are being ripped apart.

FlorenceWintle · 18/10/2021 08:32

It's good that the ctf is in the child's name so parents can't keep it.

Well, this is the other side of the argument isn’t it and I suppose what the government had in mind when they set these up.

IneedSocks · 18/10/2021 08:32

I'd open the the post and hide the letter of it was my child and they were addicted to drugs

vivainsomnia · 18/10/2021 08:33

I have 2 friends who fell in the exact sane situation. Not all blown out on drugs but on frivolous things and the whole money was gone in months if not weeks. Both were single mums working FT who thought they were doing the right thing adding to the pot every month. One put her full CB payment in it each month.

It was heartbreaking for both but ultimately you move on. The good news is the worse one who was in a mess with drugs and the rest is really turning his life around and doing well, looking at going back to college and then Uni, working and supporting himself fully, totally off drugs.

The other one, younger has realised what he's done, apologised and is now putting money aside in an account that his mum has full sight of.

BurningTheToast · 18/10/2021 08:35

If you're the trustee and there's time before his birthday it might be possible to move £4 out into a LISA which can only be used for pension or house deposit (unless you return the £1k that the gov't tops it up with).

Sorry if this has already been suggested but have to go and wanted to flag it up quickly.

Good luck

EmeraldShamrock · 18/10/2021 08:35

May I ask a question on the trust fund without derailing.
My DD was born in NI UK 2009 she had the 250 trust fund. I topped it up a small bit, we're back in the Republic 9 years.
I'd like to invest €15,000 from inheritance for her.
Could I use this trust fund opened when she was born in NI.

Cocomarine · 18/10/2021 08:37

@EmeraldShamrock

May I ask a question on the trust fund without derailing. My DD was born in NI UK 2009 she had the 250 trust fund. I topped it up a small bit, we're back in the Republic 9 years. I'd like to invest €15,000 from inheritance for her. Could I use this trust fund opened when she was born in NI.
Why would you, given the actual issue of the thread?
EmeraldShamrock · 18/10/2021 08:37

I'd hide the letter, hand him £400 tell him that is his lot.

EmeraldShamrock · 18/10/2021 08:38

Why would you, given the actual issue of the thread? Hmm
Fair enough.

UseTheRakeDear · 18/10/2021 08:39

@worriedatthemoment appalling return for your investment but better than nothing I suppose. It's £400 they didn't have the day before. I'm a glass half full type.

Whattodo1610 · 18/10/2021 08:49

My dc just got theirs .. we never added anything to it over the years so just government money .. they got £1700.

Out of interest, for all those saying intercept post, don’t give him it, apply to courts, I haven’t told my dc about money I’ve saved for them - instead of this rubbish, WHY haven’t you taught your dc about financial matters as they’ve been growing up? It’s one of the most important things they need to learn.

If your dc blows the money then so be it - they’ll learn the consequences of their actions the hard way.

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