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Original poster

Help! Son must not have access to child trust fund

402 replies

Comingup · 17/10/2021 20:34

My son will be 18 soon and is addicted to weed, he is aggressive and abusive. Can anyone tell me what actually happens when18th birthday comes up? Do they write to the child? Can I stop it from maturing or whatever it does. I am really panicking as I have had a massive altercation with him where he admits spending a fortune every week on weed. I plan to ring the company but after tonight don't think I will sleep at the thought of him having any more money to harm himself with.

OP posts:
Original poster
Comingup · 17/10/2021 22:35

He doesn't know about it

OP posts:
LonginesPrime · 17/10/2021 22:35

Moira, I think the issue here is that OP invested a large inheritance for DS in the same account, obviously not realising at the time he'd develop the problems he has now.

Original poster
Comingup · 17/10/2021 22:37

@Solo exactly this. There was no sign that he would become this version of a 17 year old.

OP posts:
Hankunamatata · 17/10/2021 22:38

Is this the government scheme?

Its one of the reasons my parents told me just to put kids money into normal kids savings that could be locked down in their early teens if needed. They saw my cousin burn through 30k when he was 18

somewhereoverthechipshop · 17/10/2021 22:40

I think you should be honest and say you’ve saved this money for his future and to ensure he has somewhere to live etc. Say he can have maybe a bit to blow on himself say a couple of grand, and that he has to transfer the rest to you to look after for a house deposit or whatever. Try to appeal to his reasonable side he may be happy with that arrangement you never know.

timeisnotaline · 17/10/2021 22:42

If he doesn’t know about it I’d hide his mail tbh. This phase might not last!

godmum56 · 17/10/2021 22:42

@somewhereoverthechipshop

I think you should be honest and say you’ve saved this money for his future and to ensure he has somewhere to live etc. Say he can have maybe a bit to blow on himself say a couple of grand, and that he has to transfer the rest to you to look after for a house deposit or whatever. Try to appeal to his reasonable side he may be happy with that arrangement you never know.
he HAS TO ? ahahahahahahahaha
Theunamedcat · 17/10/2021 22:42

I think you should allow him to use it to move out and try and live on his own

Hankunamatata · 17/10/2021 22:42

Probably dodgy legal ground but I'd hide the paperwork and it tell him until later

HollowTalk · 17/10/2021 22:43

@Hankunamatata

Probably dodgy legal ground but I'd hide the paperwork and it tell him until later
Me too!
godmum56 · 17/10/2021 22:45

@Comingup

Well it's rock and hard place isn't it...of course I don't want to be " immoral" and take his mail. I don't want him to blow £££ and fund his addiction either.
withholding the money won't stop him funding his addiction
621CustardCream438 · 17/10/2021 22:46

@Solo “Which parent stares at their gorgeous baby and thinks "nope, I'll save nothing for you as I'm sure you'll be irresponsible/a gambler/drug addict." We want the world for our children, so will save what we can for them.”

Who the duck said they wouldn’t get money?! Or that I wasn’t saving? We as the parents have savings accounts, into which all our spare money goes. Children will almost certainly get tens of thousands off us, if not more, but it’ll be given when they are adults and when we think it’s appropriate. I’m not naive enough to put it into a bank account with their name on it so they get it on their eighteenth birthday.

Bloody hell.

And actually one of mine has special needs. Almost certainly will be competent and able to manage their finances as an adult, but I’d be concerned they’d be awfully vulnerable as an eighteen year old if it was known they had significant money. So yeah, sometimes things are just a tad more complicated than staring at a perfect baby.

Original poster
Comingup · 17/10/2021 22:46

It is the government one for the pp asking, where you can add to it over the years and it starts off and continues in the child's name.
He certainly wouldn't listen to me saying he has to do this or that. He will say it is his money.End of.

OP posts:
Pallisers · 17/10/2021 22:47

A lot would depend on how much it is.

A thousand or so from the UK child trust fund- let him blow it and live with it.

if it was a significant legacy from a grandparent say, I'd be devastated - and would question the legal advice that put it into a trust that ended at age 18. And yes, although I think swiping an 18 year olds post is legally and morally wrong, I might consider it in this case. Whatever happens do not tell him this money is coming. just don't. if he finds out age 18, deal with it then. don't give him a heads up.

No 18 year old should be given a significant sum of money like that. I've had 3 financially sensible 18 year olds now and I still think that. Our will ends the trust when our children are 29 - at the recommendation of our lawyer. If things go well our children will not have access to our money before the age of 29 anyway - we'll be alive and well and spending it. If we are gone, well the older the better for getting access to the capital.

KitchenKrisis · 17/10/2021 22:48

Op,

Is this the government set up trust fund, where the gov gave dc 250 or is this an actual "trust"??

There is confusion on the thread.

My dc have been given some money and it's in stocks and shares doing really well.

One dc is solid, even if she went off the rails I'm sure she'd come through it wiser.
The other is incredibly impulsive and hard to deal with.

What I've tried to do is create hurdles of money.
I've saved a few hundred for them now for teen spending etc.
Then there is a considerable amount in a cash isa that's ear marked for cars and driving lessons etc.

Then a third considerable amount for uni /house deposit, life capital.
I didn't choose to give them this money and a well meaning but rather short sighted person has and it does really worry me.
It's going to be presented as already ear marked for various things.
They have their spending money, their car and extra money so the third lot is only for a house etc.
Op it sounds like he is deliberately winding you up and fighting against you. Have you tried dropping the rope.
Dont nag or argue.
Explain briefly why your upset, ask him what he would do if he was his own child.
Then do something totally out the blue like take him out for dinner or holiday if you Could afford it? Ie try and re connect with him and get out of aggressor role and defender role?

Solo · 17/10/2021 22:48

@rozzyraspberry

My ds also got just over £1k. I think it was £250 at birth, then another £250 at age 7 before it was scrapped.

Having been appointed as legal guardian by the office of the public guardian for my mother who suffers from dementia, I can tell you this is a long drawn out and detailed process. There’s no way this would be granted unless someone was truly incapacitated.

Not every child got the second £250 as they stopped it. My Dd was born at the end of '06, so she didn't get the second lot.
worriedatthemoment · 17/10/2021 22:50

My ds just had his £300 odd as he only had the £250 goverment put in and was born 2 days after the cit off they decided to implement last minute so no second payment
Those on benefits had £500 paid instead of £250 and some parents added
So amounts all different , but money is accessible by my son and they wrote to him

KitchenKrisis · 17/10/2021 22:50

Then try and show him the power of investing, fire... Financial independent retire early, jj Colins simple path to wealth, index funds and compounding etc.

Bobbybobbins · 17/10/2021 22:50

We started JISAs for both our DS as babies and started paying into them. Then realised both have learning difficulties so lack capacity. When we got our wills altered we have had to specify any money we leave go into a trust for them and the lawyer advised us to immediately stop paying into savings in their name, tell grandparents not to specify any money to them in their wills etc. So depressing.

gardeninggirl68 · 17/10/2021 22:50

most kids this age DO know about them though.....they all get it so discuss it.

He wont know how much he has so it may shock him into being responsible

KitchenKrisis · 17/10/2021 22:51

Isn't it amazing, the simple choice to put that small amount into a stock and share isa netted some 8000 and others in cash isa only a few hundred.

MobyDicksTinyCanoe · 17/10/2021 22:51

Hide his mail...... Not ideal but wasting the money is the least lf your problems. You could well end up with a dead child if he blows thousands of pounds worth of drugs up his nose.

What your son is going through isnt uncommon, give him time to work through that without the pressure of money hanging over his head too. The sky won't fall in, he'll just have access to the money at a later date when he's a more stable adult.

Solo · 17/10/2021 22:53

[quote Comingup]@Solo exactly this. There was no sign that he would become this version of a 17 year old.[/quote]
I feel for you. My Ds was addicted to weed too, but thankfully he got himself cleaned up. He was born before the CTF though, so no account. I really hope your Ds gets himself sorted out. Mine cannot believe how much money he wasted but now has a mortgage, planning a wedding, etc. Good luck OP.

KitchenKrisis · 17/10/2021 22:53

Op does he have anything going for him at all!
I do know quite a few older teens who went off the rails and actually many managed to pull back and go onto good careers but they all had something somewhere to cling onto

Original poster
Comingup · 17/10/2021 22:53

Sorry if it's confusing people. It's the one every child got where the government gave £250 at birth then 250 at age 7. Then they stopped it. I added to it on behalf of said relative, and it is a lot of money now

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