To not get son anything for birthday?

[Boiledpotatowitch]

He will be 25 a bit of a milestone I think. I would love to decorate House go to dinner buy gifts cake etc. But he's barely speaking to me because of no real reason apart from he has been in a terrible mood for a week or so he is rude aggressive tells me to f off calls me a c multiple incidents too many to list, I got nothing at all for my birthday from him not even a happy birthday nothing for mothers day not even happy mothers day. Yes he has had mh issues but is fine just moody angry and takes his moods out on me. Would I be a complete bitch not to acknowledge this birthday like he doesn't acknowledge mine? I asked what he would like he said fuck off.

We live in the same house

I would not get a gift for anyone who treated me like that. Son or not.

Good on you. Why should you make an effort when he behaves like that?

I asked what he would like he said fuck off.

I was on the fence until this line. I vote that you don't acknowledge. He's pretty much told you not to with this response.

YANBU. Don’t reward rude behaviour.

Why not tell him he has to move out?

He needs to move out, that’s domestic abuse. He should be ashamed of himself.

The only thing he’d be getting from me is notice to leave. Probably even his bags by the door. Actually bags outside the door with locks changed.

Are you the OP in a joint tenancy or something similar with your son so you can’t actually make him leave?

This is not healthy, it doesn’t matter that he is your son, he is abusive. You need to make steps to leave or have him leave

Maybe get him a card.

I'd separately ask him to move out.

Get him a suitcase for his birthday and then tell him to pack it and leave

Thank you all

I mean, the last line got me saying no, but I appreciate when it's your own child it's more complex than that. If this behaviour is out of character and he is struggling with his mental health he is probably using you as his safe space- not that it means you should put up with it, tell him if he doesn't actively seek some help and support then he should look for somewhere else to live, and he needs to be respectful and talk to you if he is struggling rather than lashing out. Optimistic I know.

I’m sorry he told you to fuck off in your own home? Why didn’t you feel him “fuck off yourself” and find his own place to say? Seriously stop being a doormat and stick up for yourself, birthday gifts is the least of your worries.

I'd be giving him an eviction notice if he treated me like that. He's not a teenager pushing boundaries, he's an adult with no respect for you.

Do as he wishes using the money you'd have spent on him.
Go out and treat yourself. Sounds like you thoroughly deserve it.

Have you asked him to move out yet? He sounds awfu.

@Boiledpotatowitch

We live in the same house

Why do you live in the same house?! Can you leave?

I wouldn’t be getting him a gift unless it’s a suitcase so he can pack and leave.

I asked what he would like he said fuck off.

I think that is answer enough. I would get him a card but bugger all else and I would be telling him to move out. MH issues are not a reason to be abusive.

If my DS spoke to me like that, the only card he'd be getting is one saying 'Good luck in your new home'

It must be awful living like that. So demoralising. I agree with the above poster who referred to it as an abusive relationship. He needs to leave.

Is there a Father in the picture? Could your son go and stay with him.

@NotAnotherPushyMum

I wouldn’t be getting him a gift unless it’s a suitcase so he can pack and leave.

This!

25 a milestone birthday? Huh? Since when?

But I wouldn't put up with my own child treating me that way and I certainly wouldn't be buying them a present.

Get him a roll of bin bags. Tell them its to help him move out.

It's not a milestone birthday. And you shouldn't even acknowledge it given the way he treats you. I agree with pp's who suggest telling him it's time to move out. You are being abused in your home and that is not acceptable.