To not get son anything for birthday?

[Boiledpotatowitch]

He will be 25 a bit of a milestone I think. I would love to decorate House go to dinner buy gifts cake etc. But he's barely speaking to me because of no real reason apart from he has been in a terrible mood for a week or so he is rude aggressive tells me to f off calls me a c multiple incidents too many to list, I got nothing at all for my birthday from him not even a happy birthday nothing for mothers day not even happy mothers day. Yes he has had mh issues but is fine just moody angry and takes his moods out on me. Would I be a complete bitch not to acknowledge this birthday like he doesn't acknowledge mine? I asked what he would like he said fuck off.

I get the impression this thread hasn’t gone the way you had hoped, OP. Am I right?

I was going to say that even though it’s what he deserves, I would feel bad not acknowledging his birthday at all. Until I got to your last line, that is. That would have done it for me, and if he complained about not getting anything I would remind him that he said he wanted a fuck off for his birthday so here it is “Fuck off!”

@Boiledpotatowitch

Father's in picture lives here won't throw him out

Is your husband as disrespectful towards you as your son is?

I say do the opposite and give him a nice gift and make an effort. Sometimes doing the exact opposite of what someone expects seems to just change things and alter a situation. Plan a nice surprise. You might get someone breaking down in tears and being vulnerable.

Talk about the next steps to independence in a month's time.

The mental health issues and change in behaviour (you said a foul mood for a week) ring alarm bells so I said yabu but not necessarily for not giving a present. I think the behaviour change does need looking into tbh

OP, what precipitated this? drugs?, debt? job loss? illness?, big row?

To be honest this sounds like a really unhappy person and I get the impression this hasn't suddenly come from nowhere. I'd be absolutely gutted if one of mine ended up so unhappy and damaged they treated me this way. I can't imagine being tit for tat though.

Have you spoken with him about what help he needs to turn his life around? Made a plan for him to move out if he's so unhappy at home?

OP. SOMEthing has happened to precipitate this. I would be working on what.

Don't throw your baby out with the bath water just yet.

What happened?

Oh OP - I am so sorry - you absolutely deserve more.
Does his father speak to you in same way? Are you safe ?
Can you contact Women’s Aid.
💐

Agree with PPs saying that something serious underlying this behaviour. I don't see what OP can do to get to the bottom of it, given that he won't really communicate with her (except to call her names).

@Boiledpotatowitch

OP, what does your husband know about this?

If you don’t acknowledge it it’s just out of spite and I don’t think that’s how you should parent

That said I dunno why you have someone living in your house that treats you like that, he’s a grown adult.

I dunno why DH isn’t putting a stop to it either.

Clearly there’s bigger issues with Dh and Ds than a bday.

Is your husband an enabler? Has your son learned his behaviour from his father?

A carefully written eviction notice. Effective immediately. With a badge or sticker if you want but personally I wouldn't.

i would not be getting a gift for your son, until he can show more respect to you, and get on an even keel with you, living in the same house,, I would wan't to know, why he is continually in a bad mood, and aggressively spoken all the time, as it's very unpleasant for you to live this way, and he would be better off living on his own somewhere.

If anyone tells me to fuck off in my house then they are out. Shows a clear line of no respect. He needs to stand on his own two feet and not treat you like that.

I have a son of 25 and I cannot imagine him uttering those words to me. Nor is he an angel by any stretch.

@Springplanting

OP, what precipitated this? drugs?, debt? job loss? illness?, big row?

I suspect just being an asshole.

I'd give him nothing.
You're in an abusive relationship with your son.
You need to get away from him: either you leave or he does.

Also adding our son is 24. If he spoke to me like that my husband would tell him to pack his bags and get out.

OP's not coming back i think

Thank you everyone

Hope you are OK.