Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not get son anything for birthday?

98 replies

Boiledpotatowitch · 17/10/2021 19:15

He will be 25 a bit of a milestone I think. I would love to decorate House go to dinner buy gifts cake etc. But he's barely speaking to me because of no real reason apart from he has been in a terrible mood for a week or so he is rude aggressive tells me to f off calls me a c multiple incidents too many to list, I got nothing at all for my birthday from him not even a happy birthday nothing for mothers day not even happy mothers day. Yes he has had mh issues but is fine just moody angry and takes his moods out on me. Would I be a complete bitch not to acknowledge this birthday like he doesn't acknowledge mine? I asked what he would like he said fuck off.

OP posts:
DirtyDancing · 17/10/2021 19:57

Is this out of character for him? You said 'he's been in a terrible mood for a week' which leads me to believe this wasn't always the case and it's quite sudden, and I would be really worried about him. I wouldn't allow that behaviour or excuse it, but if it's a sudden mood change then I would be searching for the reason and want to help.

If this is standard behaviour then I think at 25, it's time to work out what has happened to the relationship & whether really he needs to find his own accommodation.

stayathomer · 17/10/2021 19:59

I'd get him a present personally but it's a tough situation your child acting like thatFlowers

LibrariesGiveUsPower45321 · 17/10/2021 20:06

“I asked what he would like he said fuck off.”

I’d book myself into an all day spa on his birthday for that.

25 isn’t a milestone.

Cuntness · 17/10/2021 20:06

Can you kick him out? This is no way to live.

Vallmo47 · 17/10/2021 20:11

I would put money aside and tell him he can earn his birthday present when he starts behaving himself and also acknowledging your special days. He would get a son card acknowledging the birthday and a sincere, heartfelt message hoping for him to feel better soon.

I say this as someone who has an older brother with severe mental health issues. I’m sorry.

Original poster
Boiledpotatowitch · 17/10/2021 20:12

Father's in picture lives here won't throw him out

OP posts:
DdraigGoch · 17/10/2021 20:12

I asked what he would like he said fuck off.

Then get him exactly what he wants. Some black bags so that he can fuck off.

DdraigGoch · 17/10/2021 20:15

Failing that, I would fuck off on holiday. Without him.

PurplePinecone · 17/10/2021 20:19

Go out for the day and enjoy yourself. He told you to f off after all. You will simply be following his instructions!

Deff don't bother with him!

QueeniesCroft · 17/10/2021 20:20

How does his father treat you? It seems like there is a much wider problem than your son being arsey with you.

Goldbar · 17/10/2021 20:22

Please don't tell me you cook and clean for these people, neither of whom seem to respect you in the least.

TheChiefJo · 17/10/2021 20:23

I'd give him his marching orders.

NewlyGranny · 17/10/2021 20:25

Did he learn to speak to you like that from watching his DF? Perhaps it's time for you to leave home and let them get on with it?

BBOA · 17/10/2021 20:26

He’s being vile. Has he always been like that or is he struggling with mental health? ( Bring generous)

BBOA · 17/10/2021 20:26

Being…..

Tiramiwho · 17/10/2021 20:27

How does he behave around his Dad? The same?
What does he Dad do or say when you tell him what his son is calling you?

KeepPushingFoward · 17/10/2021 20:32

Is he having an episode with his mental health at the moment? Does he need help?

MushMonster · 17/10/2021 20:41

How is he with his father?
And how does his father addresses his behaviour?
This is not to continue in any way. It is horrible!
Does your son work or study? Is he like this with other peopke? Or are you his punch bag?
He needs to get himself help with his behaviour and mental health.
I would get him a card with some MH help suggestions if you know any local ones.

MrsSkylerWhite · 17/10/2021 20:43

Don’t tolerate this. He’s 25, he can live elsewhere.

WickedWitchOfTheTrent · 17/10/2021 20:43

If he asks why you didn't get him anything, tell him that when you asked him what he wanted he told you to fuck off.

ThatNameAgainItsMrPlow · 17/10/2021 20:49

I’d give him the number for a removal van company.

Seriously op, this is no way to live. If your husband wants to put your abusive son before you then maybe you’re better off leaving them both.

Whstdoyouthink · 17/10/2021 20:53

Oh OP how challenging, do you understand the root cause of his behaviour? You say MH, is he receiving support? If there frisky was nothing wrong with him and he was just being a s*it then I’d say nothing but if his deeply unsettled by something then you need to try and keen the lines of comms open.would a tipping point be no present from his mum?

emptyempire · 17/10/2021 21:16

Is he under any current treatment for his mental health?

Skyla2005 · 17/10/2021 21:22

How about kick him out

HollowTalk · 17/10/2021 21:28

I think it's time you and he live separately. If your partner is so desperate to live with him then maybe you need to leave. Do you own or rent your home?