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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think if OH cared he would check up on me?

86 replies

readyforthewkend · 16/10/2021 21:08

Got into a huge argument earlier over not much really both super stressed I'm down in the dumps been struggling with morning sickness (that lasts all day) since week 4 and im 15 weeks now. He has been picking up the slack and it is obviously getting to him.

I ended up telling him to leave and he has gone to his mums, I know we both need a break but when he left I had not long finished throwing my guts up and I have both DC's here. It feels like he doesn't care about me.

AIBU to think that or do I have good reason to feel that way.

OP posts:
NotYourCupOfTea · 16/10/2021 21:17

You asked him to leave….

DroopyClematis · 16/10/2021 21:18

That's awful.
The fact that he didn't bother to try to connect with you speaks volumes.
Not sure what to say really.

I really feel for you.

Choice4567 · 16/10/2021 21:18

I’m confused as to why you asked him to leave?

AliceinBorderland · 16/10/2021 21:19

You're both stressed. He has picking up the slack whilst you're sick. You told him to get out and he did, now you're annoyed he did it and you're alone with the other children.

OK then

CharlotteCollinsneeLucas · 16/10/2021 21:19

Why didn't he take the kids?

BraveGoldie · 16/10/2021 21:20

How long has he been gone?

Broadly it depends.... if you were unreasonable/ unfair/ the one to provoke the argument, and then you asked him to leave, and it's still the same day, then no I don't particularly think he should be chasing you or checking up on you...

If he was the twat, there's reason to worry about your safety or ability to cope, and/ or it's gone into night time, I would hope he'd be trying to check up on you.

Cait1980 · 16/10/2021 21:22

I might be missing something but you asked him to leave you - that’s a fair escalation from an argument so he’s probably equally as devastated as you are that you haven’t checked he’s ok!

Yummymummy2020 · 16/10/2021 21:24

Ah it’s so so tough when you have bad morning sickness. I don’t blame you needing a break but really he shouldn’t have left even though you asked him to without talking properly (chances are you would have wanted him to stay then if things got sorted) I doubt it’s that he dosent care about you but just likely is clueless to your suffering. He should get in touch though.

RobertaFirmino · 16/10/2021 21:42

You did ask him to leave so I'm not surprised he hasn't been in touch. Probably thinks you need a few hours break from him and vice versa. YABU but I'll let you off because you feel so bloody awful!

HHSchultz · 16/10/2021 21:59

Oh yes because OP can get a break when he's left the kids with her to look after. And do people really not understand telling someone to leave in the heat of the moment and not really mean it.

Hankunamatata · 16/10/2021 22:10

You asked him to leave and he left. I wouldn't be contacting you until tomorrow if I was him to let everything calm down.

HelloBambinos · 16/10/2021 22:14

You know your DH better than anyone else but it may be the case that he obviously knows you're annoyed enough to tell him to leave and he might not want to do the wrong thing so just plays it safe and did as you asked and is waiting for further instructions so to speak. He may have felt if he refused to leave and tried to talk it may have made you more upset at him or if he calls when you wanted time away from him again he's not respecting your choice to have him leave. That's how my DH is personally, he wouldn't be doing it to dump me alone with the kids nor would he probably figure out that I would want him to contact me first as sometimes I really wouldn't in that situation, he doesn't think that in depth. But as I say you know your DH better than us.

Ughmaybenot · 16/10/2021 22:38

You asked him to leave, so he left. I don’t think you can now be annoyed that he did, in fact, leave.
Get on the phone, do some making up and move on.

MichelleScarn · 16/10/2021 22:40

@DroopyClematis

That's awful. The fact that he didn't bother to try to connect with you speaks volumes. Not sure what to say really.

I really feel for you.

Had op bothered to reconnect?
MrsTulipTattsyrup · 16/10/2021 22:42

This all sounds horrible for you, but don’t give your DH a test he doesn’t know he’s taking - that’s unfair.

If you want to hear from him, text or call him. You sent him away so I think you need to make the first move. Then judge how you feel by how he treats you.

I hope you start to feel better soon.

Merryoldgoat · 16/10/2021 22:43

I can’t imagine asking my DH to leave unless it was extremely serious so wouldn’t really expect much contact at that point.

clockover · 16/10/2021 22:43

Maybe he thinks if you cared you would check up on him - you made him leave Confused

WorraLiberty · 16/10/2021 22:45

@HHSchultz

Oh yes because OP can get a break when he's left the kids with her to look after. And do people really not understand telling someone to leave in the heat of the moment and not really mean it.
Well it's not the heat of the moment anymore so if she didn't mean it, she can always phone him.
sTRUTHiomimus · 16/10/2021 22:46

@Cait1980

I might be missing something but you asked him to leave you - that’s a fair escalation from an argument so he’s probably equally as devastated as you are that you haven’t checked he’s ok!
Well I’m guessing that he’s not pregnant with morning sickness and looking after his two children single handed.
WorraLiberty · 16/10/2021 22:52

Well I’m guessing that he’s not pregnant with morning sickness and looking after his two children single handed.

She's had morning sickness for 11 weeks. He probably knows she's more than capable of coping.

Holskey · 16/10/2021 22:54

This all sounds horrible for you, but don’t give your DH a test he doesn’t know he’s taking - that’s unfair

This. I know morning sickness is awful, OP. But you say he's been supportive. Now you've asked him to leave. Do you think because you're pregnant, you should get to behave however you please in the moment without regarding his feelings?

Auroreforet · 16/10/2021 23:06

I’ve been married over 40 years.
Had a few arguments.
Never asked my dh to leave.
I know you feel rotten atm OP but you’re cutting off your nose to spite your face.

AnneLovesGilbert · 16/10/2021 23:07

If you’re struggling and he’s been holding things together it was daft to tell him to leave. Now you’re still sick and have to juggle the kids. But you knew that would happen.

So now what?

CorianderAndCream · 16/10/2021 23:36

Unless he did something hideous, call him, say you love him and ask him to come the fuck home. Stop sitting and feeling sad that he didn't read your mind. Just get over the argument and make up.

And stop making him leave when you have a tiff. That's what you do when considering divorce not just stressed.

Barbiesarm · 17/10/2021 00:04

You asked him to leave, knowing the situation and he left. He probably thinks you want space/ time apart as you say you've both been very stressed and he's picked up the slack while you've been sick. I'd say if you posted on here saying you'd asked him to leave but he'd been constantly messaging you since asking how you are etc you'd have had a lot of posters saying he needs to back off, he's being controlling and he needs to respect what you asked for. If you want him to stay and help, don't tell him to leave! Ir ask him to take the dc with him for a night or two with family if possible.

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