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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think if OH cared he would check up on me?

86 replies

readyforthewkend · 16/10/2021 21:08

Got into a huge argument earlier over not much really both super stressed I'm down in the dumps been struggling with morning sickness (that lasts all day) since week 4 and im 15 weeks now. He has been picking up the slack and it is obviously getting to him.

I ended up telling him to leave and he has gone to his mums, I know we both need a break but when he left I had not long finished throwing my guts up and I have both DC's here. It feels like he doesn't care about me.

AIBU to think that or do I have good reason to feel that way.

OP posts:
TheYearOfSmallThings · 17/10/2021 09:23

Look, you threw him out, and now you're sulking because he's not begging to come back and worrying how you feel?

If someone chucked me out of my own home I would NOT feel the onus was on me to make amends. Being pregnant is not a Get Out Of Jail Free card.

MissBattleaxe · 17/10/2021 09:24

You can't fix this with a text message. Were you both shouting? Maybe that's why your DD had her hands over her ears. You two need to be the grown ups and talk about this face to face away from the kids.

hardboiledeggs · 17/10/2021 09:27

Whilst I sympathise that your feeling awful, you sound like hard work. You’ve kicked him out and no want him to chase you, your playing a dangerous game here. So my people willing to blame the man straight away without all the info.

Original poster
readyforthewkend · 17/10/2021 09:28

Not a drip feed, when he's stressed he's horrible talks to me like crap and will say whatever he wants to me.

OP posts:
MadameMonk · 17/10/2021 09:30

Drop the kids off to him at grandmas and spend some calm time looking after yourself at home. I feel for you.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 17/10/2021 09:33

Not a drip feed, when he's stressed he's horrible talks to me like crap and will say whatever he wants to me.

That is obviously a massive drip feed, and you should be worrying about his abusive behaviour rather than why he is not calling to see if you are ok after you threw him out.

Mamamamasaurus · 17/10/2021 09:34

@readyforthewkend

Not a drip feed, when he's stressed he's horrible talks to me like crap and will say whatever he wants to me.
Why are you having a child with him then?. If he doesn't care, shouts at you and speaks to you like shit, why bring another child into the mix?
Dontknowwhatsnext · 17/10/2021 09:35

It is a drip feed because you have changed the story massively once people told you, yabu.

AmazingBouncingFerret · 17/10/2021 09:42

Your husband was shouting to the point that your daughter was so distressed by it she was crying and covering her ears.

You did the right thing telling him to leave if you ask me. Now keep it up and let your daughter see what it’s like to live in a happy home. You can do this.

isitweds9thseptyet · 17/10/2021 09:49

Is the few extra jobs he was having to do any different to the extra workload another baby will bring?

If hes unhappy now and its causing rows you need a biiiiggg talk. Life is about to get even busier and more stressful.

godmum56 · 17/10/2021 09:50

he shouts at you and you are having a third child with him?

clockover · 17/10/2021 09:54

@readyforthewkend

Not a drip feed, when he's stressed he's horrible talks to me like crap and will say whatever he wants to me.

Again, why are you waiting for him to ask if you are ok? Fuck that. You should be glad he is gone.

gamerchick · 17/10/2021 09:58

Your bairn was scared and you're more bothered about him caring about you after you kicked him out? Drip feed or not, it's telling you care more about yourself and your feelings.

Stop game playing and kicking people out, do if for real if you dont get on.

AnneLovesGilbert · 17/10/2021 10:01
Hmm
diddl · 17/10/2021 10:03

Sounds as if he needs to be gone for good tbh.

Tbh I'm curious about what "slack" he was picking up?

Would that have been a basic looking after his kids whilst their mother is throwing up?

AttaGirrrrl · 17/10/2021 10:05

@readyforthewkend

Not a drip feed, when he's stressed he's horrible talks to me like crap and will say whatever he wants to me.
Are the people accusing the OP of playing games reading the same thread as I am?

OP, it doesn’t sound like a healthy relationship. Of course he should be supporting you when you’re sick and he should never be talking to you like crap. Has it always been like this or is his unpleasantness more recent?

He has his parents for support. Do you have anyone nearby supporting you?

AccidentallyOnPurpose · 17/10/2021 10:06

If the extra detail you added is accurate, then 1.it's good he's gone and 2.you shouldn't be worrying about him not texting. If he doesn't care, why would he suddenly start now? Why would you want someone who makes your daughter cry with his shouting back anyways?

MrzClaus · 17/10/2021 10:18

@readyforthewkend

Not a drip feed, when he's stressed he's horrible talks to me like crap and will say whatever he wants to me.
Just like you did when you told him to leave because you were stressed?

It is a drip feed if you wait until the majority think YABU to suddenly drop in little details to turn the tide back in your favour 🤷🏻‍♀️

Either he's abusive and shouty and talks to you like rubbish in front of children, or he's an equal parent picking up the slack when you're ill and you're both stressed because of the current situation. You've given both scenarios here!

Clarefromwork · 17/10/2021 10:20

Ignore the people here being negative

It isn’t game playing to ask him to leave so you can have some space.

It isn’t weird to want him to contact or reply to your texts.

I hope you feel better today and get to have time to have a think although I’m sure your head is spinning.

Can anyone take your kids today so that you can have time on your own and also with your partner later to talk things out maybe?

Wtfdoipick · 17/10/2021 10:21

Stop playing games. And it is game playing, your concern was that he wasn't running after you, not that you couldn't cope and were worried about the children. How much slack has he picked up? Are you doing what you can when you can or is he expected to do everything and run around after you?

Original poster
readyforthewkend · 17/10/2021 10:23

He has rang me now.

I don't know how to answer all these questions my head is all over the place and as I said he was great through my other pregnancies when I was sick. A lot of things are different this time round (smaller house) financial worries he is self employed this time round so no off days.

This time he's been snappy shouting and just been completely closed off from me and sometimes nasty.

This baby wasn't planned and came at the completely wrong time (failed contraception) I couldn't go through with the abortion we booked. We was over that and just kind of got use to the fact we was having another. Then my hyperemesis got worse and everything has fell to pieces.

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 17/10/2021 10:24

@Clarefromwork it's game playing to send him to his moms an hour away in anger then expect him to react perfectly pleasantly to an "are you ok" text 2 hours later.

girlmom21 · 17/10/2021 10:26

@readyforthewkend

He has rang me now.

I don't know how to answer all these questions my head is all over the place and as I said he was great through my other pregnancies when I was sick. A lot of things are different this time round (smaller house) financial worries he is self employed this time round so no off days.

This time he's been snappy shouting and just been completely closed off from me and sometimes nasty.

This baby wasn't planned and came at the completely wrong time (failed contraception) I couldn't go through with the abortion we booked. We was over that and just kind of got use to the fact we was having another. Then my hyperemesis got worse and everything has fell to pieces.

There's your answer.

He didn't want another baby. You agreed to abort and then couldn't go through with it.

He's snappy because he's worried about money and how you're going to cope with another child when you struggle with 2.

I'm not blaming you here but I don't think he's necessarily abusive and I think you both need to sit down and have a calm, frank discussion about your family's future.

You need to stop game playing, shouting and bickering with each other.

Original poster
readyforthewkend · 17/10/2021 10:27

No it's not we always check up on each other if we have had an argument and things have calmed down. It's not like him to not check up on me or respond to my texts.

OP posts:
Clarefromwork · 17/10/2021 10:32

Mob mentality is fascinating on here, one person is unnecessarily critical and everyone else joins in

You all need to wind your necks in.

This is a real person and to expect to get a feel for her whole relationship from one post when she’s upset is ridiculous. She was upset and posted a little bit and then posted more as she is replying to people. It’s not drip feeding, it’s how conversations work.