Am I being a Scrooge? How much to spend of Christmas presents?

[TeaAndBiscuitsAndWine]

So this year finances are tighter than previously as am working shorter hours (health related). No idea if will be temporary or permanent, but have basically lost 40% of my income from 6 months ago. Normally I spend a lot on Christmas, but I simply can’t this year. I’ve had great suggestions on here for more ethical gifts, but hadn’t realised how very much more expensive they would be! I’m busy recalibrating my expectations, and part of that is spending. I was thinking of spending about £15-£20 each on family and children of friends, and just bottles of wine for a couple of close friends (£10 ish each). Maybe £250 in total, including my offspring. I mentioned this to a close family member, and they have basically accused me of being tight-fisted and a bit selfish, as I could spend more but don’t want to as would mean having to use my savings and they are for emergencies. Am I being unreasonable? Is £20 each not enough? For reference they mostly all earn well and are quite middle class (unlike my working class self!) so maybe I am out of order by their standards?

I think £15-20 on the children of friends is very generous.

I would hate anyone to become overstretched because of buying me a Christmas gift. True friends understand.
I think you should prioritise your own kids. Everyone else should understand.

Op I would cull the buying for children of friends altogether or maybe buy them a family
Gift like a board game or make up a movie hamper for them.

I can do a movie hamper for about £5.

A bottle of fizz for adults is also fine if you ask me.

What do you plan on spending on your own dc and how old are they?

I have always had a £10-15 per person budget for anyone that isn't DH or our DCs. Same for birthdays.
We buy for our parents and siblings and neices and nephews at Christmas, that's it. I have never got into gift giving with friends, apart from birthdays for very close friends. Not at Christmas. Otherwise it gets silly!

To be honest I can’t believe the grabby people that voted YABU.

I agree with @Liverbird77

I am grateful for any thoughtful gift and am very easy to buy for.

Hand cream, candles, wine, picture frames are all gratefully received.

I was thinking of spending about £15-£20 each on family and children of friends, and just bottles of wine for a couple of close friends (£10 ish each).

That's a lot of money. How much do you normally spend?!

You sound lovely and thoughtful. If you can't afford it I'd only buy gifts for family.

Gosh that's a huge amount to me to spend on friends' DC. It's all relative, I'll have nothing except Universal credit, so I suppose it depends on what your 40% is, but that's nobody's business! I'm not planning to buy for anyone except a few things for my own DC, 1 present each for niece and nephew, and a few simple bits for my mum. No more than £150-200 in total. My finances are tight due to new living situation and I'm protecting myself for further down the line rather than go beyond my means and regret debts the rest of the time. I would not expect a friend to stretch themselves just for gifts for 1 day. I don't think your friend sounds very nice, or at all supportive. Being on a careful budget is not the same as being tight-fisted.

I'd also rather a friend gave me nothing if they were struggling

I would also be 100% fine with a message saying ‘Hi Merry, I’m cutting back a bit this Christmas - can we not buy for each other and the kids this year?’

I agreed years ago not to buy for my nieces and nephews. There are loads of them. My siblings don't buy for my children

Don't be pressured into spending when you can't really afford to.

Christmas is one day for a break from the day to day routine to have a little fancier roast and to have a glass or two of wine with a bit of pudding. Not an excuse to be paying it back all year!

Agree that you should cull presents for children of friends. If you feel you must get something, then keep it to around £10 max - a little gift bag of sweets for example or a Costa card if they are teens. Tell all adults that you aren't doing adult gifts at all this year and instead focus on your children, who are your priority.

OP, whoever said that to you is an unpleasant person. You should never feel guilty over the giving of gifts. I have not bought presents for friends or their children ever. We exchange a card at most. The same goes for family. I buy for my parents, however my siblings and I decided years ago to stop buying gifts.

Your “close family member” is grabby and materialistic.
Buying a joint gift for friends dc like a board game is a good idea. spending £20 on each friends dc is a bloody lot of money!

Are you crafty at all? Or good at baking? When things have been tight I have tried to make more gifts.

A box of homemade amaretti or biscotti is always popular and they last well. For small kids I've made a little hamper with colouring pencils, colouring book, play doh etc all from Poundland. For older kids, the cookie mix in a jar is popular - buy jars from Poundland or IKEA, layer up the ingredients, then tie a tag on with a cookie cutter and instructions.

You spend what you are comfortable with and that's that.

Don't tell family what you're doing.
Spend what you can comfortably afford without dipping into savings.
A well thought £5 gift is far better than £20 of tat.

No one should overstretch themselves to buy gifts. It's not what giving is about.

I think your budget is perfectly generous enough.

If the people you are buying for are comfortably well off then there's probably nothing they actually need that they haven't already bought for themselves.

I buy what I need and generally struggle for gift ideas for myself. A bottle of wine or fizz is a present I'm always very happy with.

I don’t buy for friends or their kids any more. It was getting stupid and neither myself nor my children want for anything, so another toiletry set, bottle of wine or plastic kids crap (worse, craft stuff!) just seemed wasteful.

Just text everyone and say this year, you’re cutting back, making a donation to charity instead and please don’t buy us anything neither.

If I was your friend, I'd want you to spend your money on your DC. Adults don't need presents

I would also talk to people and move away from tit for tat giving

What’s selfish about spending only what you can comfortably afford?
Your family member is a complete arse.

Your family member would be getting sod all with that attitude.
Time to maybe do a family secret santa or charity donations.

I think only spending what you can afford is sensible for some that will be £5 foe others £100
The only thing I would do is mention to people if normally spend a large amount as I would hate to receive an expensive gift from someone because I usually but then one and I had just given a bottle wine ,
If they know your cutting back and still give a large gift then that is their choice

I would be so upset if you were struggling and bought me a gift. Knock it on the head or suggest a secret santa or a box of chocolates each family.

I'm not spending loads this year. And all I really want for Christmas is time with people, a dinner or two and a tree.