Is he tight?

[pleb123]

I met a man from internet, first date he accepted my offer to pay for myself, 4th date I invited him for lunch, turns up empty handed, we went for a drink first and I matched his rounds, I feel that every time we meet I am always spending more, even being asked to take alcohol over to his. He did think he did well paying for an £8 meal recently, am I to suspicious?

Yes, he is tight. Bin.

If it’s not 50:50 he’s taking the piss .

It's challenging because so many people are taking advantage and using online dating for free meals. So this is the response from some men.

Wow, he really is trying to impress you. Not.

He sounds it to me.

It all sounds a bit transactional. My (now) DH used to pay most of the time when we started dating BUT I always offered to split and would say at the start of some evenings ‘I’m getting this’ but it was just because we liked being together.

We weren’t looking at who had spent more/less.

Someone who had their eye on their wallet like that would be off putting.

And not bringing something to lunch is a bit stingy for sure.

Fuck it off, I think even 50/50 is a tight arse to be honest but I'm a traditionalist not a feminist! And yes I do have my own money 😄

tight and also ill bred

First date: you offered, and 50/50 is appropriate anyway. No issue.

Fourth date: you invited him to your house for lunch, yes? I would expect a financial contribution for home cooking. I’d expect a token for dinner (flowers, wine, chocolate) but I’m not so sure about lunch. I mean - I’d definite find that polite, but if every other time was OK, I’d think lunch was too low key to bring an offering.

So I’m more interested in date 2 and 3!
How did he ask you to bring alcohol? Was it because you asked what you could bring?

In which case, he definitely should have done the same for lunch, following your lead.

I don’t get your point about the £8 meal 🤷🏻‍♀️

On balance I’d say I don’t like the sound of it… but want to reserve judgment as it just feels like a bit is missing - and there’s definitely nothing wrong with date one, so I feel you’re unreasonable bringing that into it.

*wouldn’t expect a financial contribution for home cooking 🤣

Hmmmm. When I said I thought there was something missing… your one other post on MN was months ago about a boyfriend ago after 3 years gave you shit after you asked him to spend ONE pound.

So I’m thinking: are you rightly hyper alert to tightness because you’re not going to shafted twice, go you! Or are you over alert and counting every penny because you’re wary?

As I said, 50/50 on a first date is fine. Him not bringing something for lunch isn’t the worst thing… so I’m curious what happened date 2 and 3.

I still go with my previous comment of “on balance - don’t like” though. Instinct is usually right.

If you really liked him, you would probs let it slide but I reckon he's not doing it for you anyways.

What happened on date 1 and 2?

Him accepting your offer to go halves for the first date, is what I would expect. That’s fine. How are you ‘always spending more’?

Tight. Should be approx 50/50 IMO.

In future OP don't offer to pay on a first date if you wouldn't truly be happy to pay in the first place!

My mother did this once too... I remember laughing when she told me but she was quite off put and disappointed that the guy accepted the offer. She didn't see him again.

Isn't it a bit early for home made meals at this stage? Get yourself dining out OP.

Individually, your examples don't come across as tight - I'd expect to pay for my own meal at first and I wouldn't be too bothered about someone not bringing something for lunch.

But I suspect that you are unconsciously picking up on 'something'.

@DrManhattan

If you really liked him, you would probs let it slide but I reckon he's not doing it for you anyways.

Because if you really like a man you’ll drop your standards?!! Speak for yourself.

No, most men would be making an effort to impress you at this stage. If this is his version of ‘effort’ - imagine a few years down the line (no actually, don’t). Call me old fashioned, but a gentleman would want to pay on the first date as an absolute minimum. Couldn’t be doing with these dozy men nowadays. They are complete non-entities as far as I’m concerned. Who needs that?

He seems tight. You shouldn't be thinking about money or having any concerns like this at this stage. It should be fun. If it doesn't feel right, that's probably because it's not.

Yes, tight as a drum. I see a cocklodger in your future if you keep seeing him.

Some men use internet dating with the sole intention of fleecing women, so if your gut is telling you it's off, trust it

Yuck! That would make my vagina close up for good!

My point is for a man to sit in the car while I go shop for lunch, let me by round for round, expect me to take alcohol when I visit him, yet expect me to provide when he’s here. The point of the £8 meal was, big deal, and just fed up with men thinking it’s ok to sponge.

Yes I agree, a gentleman would I feel want to make an effort, I feel I am low maintenance as it is

Because I am cooking a nice lunch, taking wine and beers to his and still providing alcohol when he comes here

Has he asked you to do his laundry and ironing yet?