Page 4 | Is he tight?

pleb123 · 2021-10-15T17:00:45+00:00

I met a man from internet, first date he accepted my offer to pay for myself, 4th date I invited him for lunch, turns up empty handed, we went for a drink first and I matched his rounds, I feel that every time we meet I am always spending more, even being asked to take alcohol over to his. He did think he did well paying for an £8 meal recently, am I to suspicious?

Glassofshloer · 16/10/2021 12:43

To add to that, my best friend started dating a man who earned a LOT more than she did. He was absolutely anal about paying exactly half on their dates and no more. They had a baby after a couple of years, she was a SAHM while he went out and worked on his career. He ended up on 60k and still insisted she pay half the bills out of the child benefit and 6 hour a week job she had at the time. This is while she was saving him a fuck ton in nursery bills by staying at home! Happy to say they’re now separated and she has her own job/money…

DrManhattan · 16/10/2021 13:23

@Naunet
I'm giving my opinion on a forum (because like that's what you do).

WalkingOnTheCracks · 17/10/2021 11:24

...just fed up with men thinking it’s ok to sponge.

Wait, wait. You mean this is a pattern? It happens to you a lot?

Murdoch1949 · 17/10/2021 16:40

You know he's a tightwad. Bin him.

Original poster

pleb123 · 17/10/2021 17:38

Yes, I seem to attract men that are tight? Why, I saw a guy last year who would turn up with to see me with his 4 cans of lager and that’s all, then declare he was hungry expecting me to rustle up a meal 😡

OP posts:

KatherineJaneway · 17/10/2021 23:20

@pleb123

Yes, I seem to attract men that are tight? Why, I saw a guy last year who would turn up with to see me with his 4 cans of lager and that’s all, then declare he was hungry expecting me to rustle up a meal 😡

Tell him where to get off!

Glassofshloer · 18/10/2021 08:33

@pleb123

Yes, I seem to attract men that are tight? Why, I saw a guy last year who would turn up with to see me with his 4 cans of lager and that’s all, then declare he was hungry expecting me to rustle up a meal 😡

So awful it made me laugh

Cocomarine · 18/10/2021 08:42

@pleb123

Yes, I seem to attract men that are tight? Why, I saw a guy last year who would turn up with to see me with his 4 cans of lager and that’s all, then declare he was hungry expecting me to rustle up a meal 😡

You should think about your habit of having early dates in your home.

Glassofshloer · 18/10/2021 08:48

Yes @Cocomarine has a point

Safety risk as well as giving off the wrong signals

ohnonotyetplease · 18/10/2021 08:58

Tbh if he was really special and had 'that spark' you'd have ignored the lack of generosity ... So yeah... Lack of spark plus lack of generosity - bin

Charlieiscool · 18/10/2021 09:05

He sounds utterly dreadful and he will only get worse. Learn something from this and don’t cook for them so early on. Go out and split the bill. Meanness is a horrible characteristic and he’s going to be miserable and tight with everything.

Cocomarine · 18/10/2021 11:31

@pleb123

Yes, I seem to attract men that are tight? Why, I saw a guy last year who would turn up with to see me with his 4 cans of lager and that’s all, then declare he was hungry expecting me to rustle up a meal 😡

Reading this again, the wording sounds very much like it happened more than once.

I am sure that you don’t attract tight men. No more than anyone else does.

What you perhaps do, is not make good decisions when they first show their colours.

countesskay · 18/10/2021 12:05

The last few guys I've dated longer term were not generous/thoughtful. They'd come over if I cooked and just brought their own alcohol drinks. Never flowers, chocs etc.

From online dating, I'd say most guys are 50/50 which is fine, but conversations have led to women looking for 'free meals' by a couple of them. - I always says why would someone what a free meal in dull company (think nandos rather than the Ivy!)

OP sounds like you and he are incompatible on this issue, if he doesn't have any redeeming features you'd like I'd just cut ties

hangrylady · 18/10/2021 12:13

If I'm honest and it won't be a popular opinion, It would put me off massively if a man didn't pay on the first date. I get it's old fashioned but I wouldn't like it. On subsequent dates, taking it in turns or going halves is fine and should be expected. What you're describing is serial stingy behaviour which is a big turn off, I'd absolutely get rid.

CrumpetStrumpet · 18/10/2021 12:16

@hangrylady if a man didn't pay on our first date there wouldn't be a second one. It's not just you!

hangrylady · 18/10/2021 12:22

[quote CrumpetStrumpet]@hangrylady if a man didn't pay on our first date there wouldn't be a second one. It's not just you![/quote]
Thank goodness! I can't put my finger on why it would turn me off. I've always worked its not that I can't afford it, I would just feel like he wasn't bothered about trying to impress me. I appreciate it's a bit of an old fashioned view though

BillMasen · 18/10/2021 12:22

@symi

No, most men would be making an effort to impress you at this stage. If this is his version of ‘effort’ - imagine a few years down the line (no actually, don’t). Call me old fashioned, but a gentleman would want to pay on the first date as an absolute minimum. Couldn’t be doing with these dozy men nowadays. They are complete non-entities as far as I’m concerned. Who needs that?

So effort=paying Not paying=dozy non entity

Presume a many only purpose for you that would make him a viable entity then is to pay?

WalkingOnTheCracks · 18/10/2021 13:16

symi
Call me old fashioned, but a gentleman would want to pay on the first date as an absolute minimum. Couldn’t be doing with these dozy men nowadays. They are complete non-entities as far as I’m concerned. Who needs that?

I am a bloke who would insist on paying on a first date, not to impress but as a courtesy.

However, if I felt that the woman expected me to, and that she’d consider me a dozy non-entity if I didn’t, then there wouldn’t be a second date. Who needs that?

BrumCahoots · 18/10/2021 13:18

Tight .. no manners .. proceed directly to the bin .. put him in

BobMortimersPetOwl · 18/10/2021 14:57

I'm not sure if I'm following this right as it seems a bit garbled, but it sounds as though you've gone halves each date?? If I invite someone to dinner or lunch I'm providing it in its entirety, but I'd take a bottle if I were invited.