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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is he tight?

95 replies

pleb123 · 15/10/2021 18:00

I met a man from internet, first date he accepted my offer to pay for myself, 4th date I invited him for lunch, turns up empty handed, we went for a drink first and I matched his rounds, I feel that every time we meet I am always spending more, even being asked to take alcohol over to his. He did think he did well paying for an £8 meal recently, am I to suspicious?

OP posts:
Babyghirl · 15/10/2021 21:57

@pleb123
When he offers you round to his again for lunch or dinner go empty handed, if he says anything say we'll I provide it all when you come to mine I thought that how we where doing it.

Cocomarine · 15/10/2021 22:02

@pleb123

My point is for a man to sit in the car while I go shop for lunch, let me by round for round, expect me to take alcohol when I visit him, yet expect me to provide when he’s here. The point of the £8 meal was, big deal, and just fed up with men thinking it’s ok to sponge.
Right, so the £8 mean still doesn’t make any sense 🤷🏻‍♀️

And there’s nothing wrong with sharing rounds.

When you went in to get the bits for lunch, when didn’t you say, “come on then!”?

I mean - throw this one back in the sea, but also think about what you put up with next time!

Cocomarine · 15/10/2021 22:02

[quote Babyghirl]@pleb123
When he offers you round to his again for lunch or dinner go empty handed, if he says anything say we'll I provide it all when you come to mine I thought that how we where doing it.[/quote]
Or better still - just don’t see him again.

YouTubeAddict · 15/10/2021 22:03

What about the 2nd and 3rd dates? Can you go into more specifics? Is that when you took over the wine? I’ll be honest, I don’t think you come over very well either and if I were a bloke I wouldn’t find a woman very attractive who was anxiously totting everything up. I bet if a man had posted this he’d have got very different responses. The fact is, I suspect you’re not that into him so maybe find someone else. Also, he may not have a lot of money. Nothing wrong with that.

Cocomarine · 15/10/2021 22:04

In what way did he expect you to provide alcohol for a lunch?
Did he tell you what to buy him as you headed into the supermarket?
Did he wait until he got to yours and ask for it?

HebalGerbil · 15/10/2021 22:09

He sounds like an alcoholic with a cash flow problem.

Wonder if he has other women friends who he does the same thing to.

Timetoretiretospain · 15/10/2021 22:31

He’s tight

Welshiefluff · 15/10/2021 22:55

No, most men would be making an effort to impress you at this stage. If this is his version of ‘effort’ - imagine a few years down the line (no actually, don’t). Call me old fashioned, but a gentleman would want to pay on the first date as an absolute minimum

Since when does making an effort to impress mean paying for meals?

For me impressing means offering compliments, being polite, holding doors open and being well presented. I do not expect men to pay for me.

This is 2021 not 1981.

ellyeth · 15/10/2021 23:01

He sounds mean. I think it would get on your nerves eventually.

Babyghirl · 15/10/2021 23:16

@cocomarine
There is that but I would like to c his face go red when I turned up empty handed and hear him say where the beer my reply well I supply it when I do lunch so think it's ur turn 😂😂😂😂

IrishMel · 15/10/2021 23:16

He is a tight arsed git. He should have brought his own drink and brought you a small gift like wine, chocs or flowers, just a thought. Even a fecking bar of chocolate. Do not get stuff in the next time he comes over and see what he says and be clear with him and tell him what you told us. He spent 8euro wow. Do not go and buy the food stuff while he sits in car if both of you eating it, tell him move his arse we get the food and go halves. That would put me off someone to be honest. He should buy in treats drinks if you go to his seeing as you do that. Stop buying and see what he says. Tell him straight out that it is nice to be treated the same as you treat him.

Cocomarine · 15/10/2021 23:16

Yeah @Babyghirl it would certainly be funny 🤣

Cocomarine · 15/10/2021 23:19

To be fair, now you’ve added the detail that you had to stop with him at the shop to buy the stuff for lunch, I can see why he didn’t turn up with something! That’s not the same as him arriving at yours for a planned lunch. Was this a decision on the hop that you might as well nip in and get some food and eat at yours?

That doesn’t excuse him not coming in with you and ponying you half.

But… I don’t know… your posts are vague. I do wonder exactly what happened.

Cocomarine · 15/10/2021 23:20

*ponying up half

Cocomarine · 15/10/2021 23:22

In fact, “turned up empty handed” is a really odd way to phrase it. He didn’t turn up at your house - you arrived there together in the same car.

JadedSoJaded · 15/10/2021 23:24

Sounds like my ex! Take take take. Get rid.

IrishMel · 15/10/2021 23:41

But he is tight he let her go into the shop and pay for everything. But when she goes to his she brought things also. If money is tight I would rather he said that to me as lots you can do that does not cost a lot.

Autumnleaves4 · 15/10/2021 23:56

Did you ask him why he hadn’t bought anything to yours for lunch, just plain rude and tight. Get rid.

VladmirsPoutine · 15/10/2021 23:59

He's definitely tight. Break things off before you start to really resent him. I don't even split 50/50 anymore Smile

Babyghirl · 16/10/2021 00:04

@pleb123
Next time you go in to shop grab everything then reach in for your card and if he does not say its OK I will get it say oops I have not got my card can you cover it his face will say what you need to know.

Cocomarine · 16/10/2021 00:13

@Autumnleaves4

Did you ask him why he hadn’t bought anything to yours for lunch, just plain rude and tight. Get rid.
Maybe because it wasn’t actually a planned, “come round to mine for lunch” occasion? It’s all very vague. They were out doing rounds before lunch - and he paid his share. But then she actually had to go to the shop to buy lunch, so it could nipping in to Greggs for a couple of steak bakes as soon as it could be home cooked fare. In which case he should still pay for his steak bake!

But honestly, if you’re already out having rounds before lunch and stop to get stuff on the way back, that’s not really an “arrive with flower and dessert” moment, is it?

I still think he’s in the wrong, but whole thing’s a bit weird 🤷🏻‍♀️

Ionlydomassiveones · 16/10/2021 00:16

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Peach01 · 16/10/2021 01:27

If you're noticing a trend with it, then yes.

Shoxfordian · 16/10/2021 05:34

It doesn’t sound that bad yet to me but trust your instincts

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 16/10/2021 07:03

Nope - don't think this is a good sign so early on... He's getting you used to paying the lion's share...