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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is he tight?

95 replies

pleb123 · 15/10/2021 18:00

I met a man from internet, first date he accepted my offer to pay for myself, 4th date I invited him for lunch, turns up empty handed, we went for a drink first and I matched his rounds, I feel that every time we meet I am always spending more, even being asked to take alcohol over to his. He did think he did well paying for an £8 meal recently, am I to suspicious?

OP posts:
KatherineJaneway · 16/10/2021 07:08

4th date I invited him for lunch, turns up empty handed

I'd be binning him off for that. Tight git.

NessieMcNessface · 16/10/2021 07:34

Meanness is deeply unattractive and the situation is likely to get worse. I would get rid now.

Original poster
pleb123 · 16/10/2021 08:09

I had stated when we arranged him coming over that I would cook for us, but would need to get supplies in which I would do once he was here etc,

OP posts:
MoreStuffingMatron · 16/10/2021 08:19

Doesn’t matter whether objectively he’s tight or not, if you’re not happy with his behaviour but you like him otherwise have a word about what you expect him to contribute on dates.

Actually no forget it. He is tight, he won’t change, time to move on without a backward glance.

Glassofshloer · 16/10/2021 08:20

Yes he’s right. Bin him or it gets very awkward.

Glassofshloer · 16/10/2021 08:20

*tight

Cocomarine · 16/10/2021 08:44

What’s with the one sentence answers though?

  • what happened dates 2 & 3?
  • how exactly did he end up staying in the car at the shop? (there’s a big difference between dropping you off right outside for a couple of bits from his car vs staying sat parked up in yours whilst you walk across the car park)
  • what on earth were you trying to say about the £8 lunch? 🤣

I don’t think I could have sent you into the shop without offering to pay half, but I’m guessing you didn’t pay half when he cooked dinner for you.

Dump him already, after 4 dates - there shouldn’t be worries at all.

But I’m still finding your posts hard to work out what’s actually happened. When I imagine someone coming for lunch with an offering, it’s because they’re arriving to come in and have lunch. Not arriving to an empty cupboard with a plan to go to the shop after going drinking first.

Pea22ches · 16/10/2021 08:46

@pleb123

I had stated when we arranged him coming over that I would cook for us, but would need to get supplies in which I would do once he was here etc,
Why would you not get the groceries I'm before your guest arrived? Was you hoping he would pay for them?

If a cook for a friend I wouldn't start nipping to the shop when she arrived at my house Confused

billy1966 · 16/10/2021 08:49

Definitely tight, listen to your gut.
Flowers

Cocomarine · 16/10/2021 08:55

@Pea22ches I could imagine a chat on Fri night about what to do on Sat, where I ended up saying, “do you know what? After that I could just do us lunch at mine - I’ve not much in though so we’d need to call at the shop on the way back?”

But… in that case, it just doesn’t feel to me like the kind of lunch invitation where he should then arrive with flowers and dessert. Or wine for a spot of daytime drinking when the original an was “rounds” anyway - so sounds like a pub. It’s not a dinner date, but an easy quick lunch scenario.

I find OP vague and I do wonder about the details. Even this “being asked to take alcohol” to his for dinner. What actually happened?

  • can I bring anything?
  • you could bring whatever you like to drink
Is a perfectly normal conversation.
SaltedCaramelIcedLatte · 16/10/2021 09:00

It's the 4th date and you think he is tight! Is there anything you like about him?

Pea22ches · 16/10/2021 09:02

@Cocomarine I think we all different. Personally I wouldn't be making lunch at home in the first place unless I really liked that person which doesn't seem like he has the qualities she is looking for. The whole situation seems odd on both parties tbh.

Porcupineintherough · 16/10/2021 09:03

Another one wanting to know whay happened on dates 2 and 3.

NalPolishRemover · 16/10/2021 09:06

I don't really get any of this - why would you arrange a lunch by inviting someone to your house & then going out to get the food once they arrive? Seems like a convoluted way of doing things.

You don't seem happy with this guy & since it's only 4 dates in I'd let it go if I were you.

I don't remember any of this angst when I met my now husband & we were not loaded at that age by any stretch of the imagination but what i do remember striking me is how generous he was & still is with whatever he has & how cared for it made me feel.

And that's intimately what matters for me. He would give me the shirt off his back without it causing him a seconds thought.

His generosity in his behaviour as well as his material possessions is one of my favourite things about him

NalPolishRemover · 16/10/2021 09:07

Ultimately - but he's v generous intimately too Wink

mountbattenbergcake · 16/10/2021 09:36

Yes, dump, he can’t turn up empty handed at yours but expect you turn up with drinks Shock

That reveals his entire character and it is a tight and miserly one.

Original poster
pleb123 · 16/10/2021 10:05

Dates 2 and 3 were meeting halfway with me standing equal rounds

OP posts:
Porcupineintherough · 16/10/2021 10:09

So dates 1, 2 and 3 were 50:50
Date 4 was at yours.
And since then youve been to his but been asked to take alcohol?

Cocomarine · 16/10/2021 10:14

Blood out of a stone! (And I don’t mean money from him!)

Date 1: halves
Date 2: halves
Date 3: halves
Date 4: halves for the rounds before lunch

Yeah, it would have been polite to offer to go halves on the shopping, but it’s just lunch bits and you invited him.

So when were you asked to take alcohol to his?
What was the £8 lunch about?
What actually happened with him staying in the car at the supermarket?

Your information is sparse, vague and even misleading.

Cocomarine · 16/10/2021 10:18

@Porcupineintherough

So dates 1, 2 and 3 were 50:50 Date 4 was at yours. And since then youve been to his but been asked to take alcohol?
Ooooh, I think you’re on to something! There have been more than 4 dates - but the examples are from date 1 and date 4. (not that there’s anything wrong with date 1)

The £8 lunch is a whole other date, as is going to his (with alcohol).

Looubylou · 16/10/2021 10:25

Get rid.

Nannylovesshopping · 16/10/2021 10:28

Tight!! Get rid, you can do better than this!

Original poster
pleb123 · 16/10/2021 10:35

Thank you all for your advise. Think I need to trust my instincts and as one person said, if I was that into him I wouldn’t be having doubts.

OP posts:
Cocomarine · 16/10/2021 10:49

But what was the problem with the £8 lunch? 😭

Glassofshloer · 16/10/2021 12:40

I find people that are very, very strict about paying exactly half on dates to be tight fisted if I’m honest. When I was dating my now DH-to-be, he was earning a lot more than me. He would generally pay for the meal (or cinema/event tickets etc) and pick me up, and I would do round of drinks/taxi as my contribution. We worked together so knew roughly how much the other one earned, and he said later he would’ve felt very uncomfortable making me pay half knowing I was on half of his salary. Keeper!

Equally had I been earning double, I would’ve been happy for those roles to be reversed.

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