DS self conscious about his height

[walkingthroughtheleaves]

My lovely DS who is 21 is 5 foot 8 and I get the feeling he is a bit self conscious about his height and wishes he was taller. Surely 5 foot 8 is a perfectly normal height for a man? I've told him that there's no point thinking about something you can't change and that you don't need to be any taller.

It’s… true? Lol

Women do tend to prefer a taller man - that is true (dated a lot a few years ago and online most men were surprised when I didn’t ask their height before a date- I’d like to say that I’m not that shallow but at 5ft I’m usually safely shorter) but a) most women are smaller than 5ft8 and b) it wouldn’t get in the way of a genuine attraction/connection.

I wouldn’t say 5’8 is particularly short, if he’s very bothered has he tried inserts? Or someone suggested Nike AirMax trainers (they add 1.5 inches to my DS height!).
All of my family are tall (upto 6’6), so speaking from the other side of the fence, being tall isn’t the be all and end all, it’s harder to blend into a crowd, everyone comments on it, tall kids can easily become a target, it’s very difficult to buy pants and tracksuit bottoms which are long enough!!

It’s a shame he is self conscious about it. A person’s height really isn’t the most important or interesting thing about them, and crucially, there isn’t anything he can do about it, so the sooner he can make his peace with it, the better.

5ft 8 is only slightly below average for a man in the UK. As others have said, different places have different averages. Your DS would probably feel short in Scandinavia or the Netherlands, but would feel tall in Japan or many South American countries.

My DH is 5ft 8. He would have liked to have been 6ft (especially now our 13 year old DS is taller than him!) but he accepts what he can’t change. He’s sporty and athletic, runs a successful business, and is happily married to me (and was never short of admirers before we met!)

I think it’s a perfect height - I am 5ft 2! DH is 5ft 7.

I think the average in the UK is 5’9 so 5’8 is a perfectly reasonable height, in fact I bet there are a lot of blokes out there who’d love to be 5’8 and if he was standing next to a few mates that are 5’9 and 5’10, you’d barely notice the height difference.

Not to make it all about dating and women, but as the average height for a woman is around 5’4, he’s taller than most women, which seems to be a thing people care about.

It’s never held the likes of zac efron back and he’s renowned for being a v handsome guy!

I'm 5ft 5ish and OH is a tiny bit taller that me. He hates being short and got teased for it but I like being with someone who's about the same height as me.

@Animood

It's not your job to make it better

That’s possibly the strangest thing I’ve ever read on a parenting site! Of course it’s not OP’s “job” to try and cheer up her son, but you know, most of us want our kids to be happy whatever age they are!

Of course, we all know he's not too short. However, my DS is a similar height and I was astounded to hear from him that on dating websites, a significant number of women specify that they will only meet men who are over 6'. Their loss of course @walkingthroughtheleaves because they're missing out on lovely men like our sons.

DS (13) said to me yesterday that he “must” reach 6ft. I asked why and he said that all the 6th formers at school are over 6ft so if you aren’t you stick out. Basically I think for men there has become this huge emphasis on reaching the magic 6ft which is really not an issue in the same way for women. I don’t think DS will reach his desired height and it makes me sad he will see himself as somehow lesser due to something he had no control over.

My husband is 5’8 and is the most wonderful, kind, hilarious, selfless, hardworking, successful, attractive man I’ve ever met. I totally agree with the whole ‘owning it’ thing - DH is confident with it and it has never ever been an issue, even though I’m not short (5’6). I also tease him about it (as that’s just the kind of relationship we have) and he takes it all in his stride. It’s genuinely not an issue and has not disadvantaged him in any way.

One word....Prince!!!
My family are all short, including the guys. Both my sons are 5’6, as are my brothers. All giants amongst men to me.
I don’t consider 5’8 even short tbf. Tell that lad of yours to stand tall and start loving himself. He is perfect as he is, as we all are😊

For there to be an average of 5ft 9 some have to be taller than it and some shorter. Your DS is only a little bit shorter. He needs to find a way of accepting it because he can’t change it. I’m a 5ft 10 woman and I don’t really like being tall, but I’ve had to come to terms with it because I can’t do anything about it. I find it bothers me much more than anyone else though, no-one else really cares how small or tall you are.

There's nothing he can do about it (believe me Ive looked for DS). DS is 16 but clearly stopped growing a couple of years ago. He has the hair line from his belly button which indicates he's probably done. He's 5.7. He's noticeably smaller than most of the boys in his year and frustratingly for him his younger brother is 3 inches taller already.

But he has plenty of other attributes and so the only thing he can do is focus on those. Nothing changes height once you've stopped growing. You can only maximise your potential with sport diet etc before your growth plates fuse.

OH is 5ft 6, I’m 5ft 8. He’s the most masculine man I’ve ever been with. Height has got sod all to do with anything.

I'm 5ft 7 (I'm a woman) and I know lots of men that are my height or just a tiny bit taller so in my opinion he has nothing to worry about!

www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-55146906

There are clinics that offer leg lengthening operations - there is one in London. Break both your legs and then turn the screws daily. Insane but may be an option?!

OMG - it cost 75K - thats a no then.

Lots of these comments are so dismissive. When you are 21, it is natural to have insecurities. Men get judged a lot on their height - 'short man syndrome' and all that. It's not surprising that shorter men get a chip on their shoulder.

What I would say to your DS, OP, is to try to be confident. It's the chip on the shoulder (though I understand why they get it) that really makes short men a turn-off.

It's the usual reason men are bothered by being slightly shorter than average and it seems to be a thing with OLD to the extent that it's quite common for men to claim they're six foot when they really aren't.

This is because a lot of women won’t date anyone under six foot. They are not worth OP’s son’s time though.

wishes he was taller

You can't do that much to actually change that, but maybe a '64 Impala would fulfill a different wish?

Tell him to stay fit, dress well and smell lovely and he will always be fine!

My DS is unlikely to ever be taller than that, there’s a good chance from his current height that he’ll be shorter. Actually, most men in both our families are what would be considered very short - 5’5 or so - but that hasn’t held any of them back. I am aware the world is a bit different now … more shallow I guess with online dating and men basically having to advertise their height on their dating profiles. It makes me very sad.

About half the population are shorter than average, so he’s in good company.

@CounsellorTroi

It's the usual reason men are bothered by being slightly shorter than average and it seems to be a thing with OLD to the extent that it's quite common for men to claim they're six foot when they really aren't.

This is because a lot of women won’t date anyone under six foot. They are not worth OP’s son’s time though.

I tend not to have ever dated anyone shorter than me as I am 6ft myself. People are allowed to be attracted to who they like