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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DS self conscious about his height

116 replies

walkingthroughtheleaves · 14/10/2021 22:25

My lovely DS who is 21 is 5 foot 8 and I get the feeling he is a bit self conscious about his height and wishes he was taller. Surely 5 foot 8 is a perfectly normal height for a man? I've told him that there's no point thinking about something you can't change and that you don't need to be any taller.

OP posts:

StillMedusa · 14/10/2021 23:55

My Son in Law is 5 ft 7... and very good looking. My FIL was 5 ft 1... now that IS short for a man, but he managed a 40+ years marriage, 3 kids and many grandchildren so I don't think it held him back at all

Honestly 5 ft 8 isn't short. Ok it's not 6 ft...
I have two sons, one's a 6 footer and has never had a girl(orboy) friend. The other is 5 ft 9 with the wind in the right direction and happily engaged...

Mymapuddlington · 14/10/2021 23:57

5’8 is fine, I thought you were going to say 5’4 or something

stopgap · 15/10/2021 02:32

I’m 5’7.5, husband is 5’7 and a wonderful man. He’s very attractive, smart, kind and uber successful. So nope, zero concerns from me that he’s not a six-footer.

IrishMel · 15/10/2021 03:05

He's fine, buy him Nike trainers as they add least 2 inches as so bulky. Try to tell him it's fine which it is and not to obsess over it and point out other things that he loves about himself. So hard for young people now as everything is about looks etc..

MimiDaisy11 · 15/10/2021 03:46

I agree about pointing out lots of men who are short and successful. He shouldn’t think it will hold him back.

I have a friend who is 5ft10 and he tells me women regularly reject him because he’s not tall. They aren’t doing it because of that as very few women are so in to height that they’d reject a great guy because of that even if they have a preference.

Chunkymenrock · 15/10/2021 03:55

I'm 4ft 11. He sounds more than fine to me. I don't base my relationships on what a tape measure declares. Is he kind, smiley and confident? Those are much more important to me.

AuntieMarys · 15/10/2021 04:07

Dh is 5 feet 8. I am 6 feet tall. Having being married to a 6 footer previously who was an utter bellend, I'm more than happy with my perfectly proportioned man.
I don't need "protecting" or a "strong man".

KittyWindbag · 15/10/2021 04:08

My whole life I have been attracted to men who are shortish. Not especially because of their height, but I mean, it’s never put me off. They’ve all been charming and really funny and brilliant in loads of ways that I’m sure your son also is too. My husband is the same height as me. Being tall does not make a man.

I hope he gains confidence and learns to love himself the way he is. See all the gorgeous, charismatic and talented men listed above in previous posts if he needs some inspiration.

Hoesbeforebroes · 15/10/2021 05:48

@AuntieMarys

I'm an inch shorter than you but otherwise could have written that word for word.

Even at my height I don't consider 5'8 to be short.

Etsylicious · 15/10/2021 05:54

My brother is 5’8. Very manly and gorgeous. He is happily married and I don’t think his height has factored at all…

AlphabetAerobics · 15/10/2021 06:34

My dad’s 5’8” and is a giant amongst men in the far wilds of Scotland. He towers over his siblings.

I’m still kicking myself for rejecting a 5’2”ish man 20 years ago. He took me on a first date to a diamond factory and was wonderful in every way. We’re still friends on fb and I’m still an idiot. 😳

Anyway, perhaps your son could be pointed in the direction of Sophie Dahl and Jamie Cullen… she always looks like the cat that got the cream!

Canii · 15/10/2021 07:05

My partner is over 6ft and being that tall has its downsides too.
He doesn’t see signs which are placed at lower heights, he bangs his head on old smaller door frames, it’s hard to buy clothes which fit properly, he is always the go to person for getting things off high shelves, higher risk for certain illnesses, being treated like an adult since he was 14, really struggles to put on weight and muscle, has to eat a lot, cannot fit in train, bus and plane seats, gets moaned at when he sits towards the front of the cinema.
I’m 5’8 and I think it’s the perfect height.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 15/10/2021 07:14

DH is 5ft8. My dad is 5ft6, my brother also 5ft8 so its always seemed a perfectly normal height to me. He also has premature hair loss and was going bald before he was 30.

He's an Army officer. He used to play rugby. He's very confident in himself.

It doesn't bother him, so no one else around him is bothered. Our elder DD (10yo) is quickly catching up with him height wise, which he finds funny.

GoodnightGrandma · 15/10/2021 07:17

I agree, he can’t change it so needs to embrace it.
How tall are you and dad ?

RedMarauder · 15/10/2021 07:23

His height is perfectly fine.

He's not tall or short enough to stand out in a crowd.

He is the right height to fit in most places.

He is the height of loads of sports men and actors.

TomPinch · 15/10/2021 07:28

I'm 5 ft 6. Got a good job and fulfilling relationships and married to DW for over 20 years. Would I like to be taller? Yes, but no one has everything they want.

5 ft 8 isn't really short tbh. It's just not tall. The OP is right. Why does he need to be taller?

Confrontayshunme · 15/10/2021 07:29

My BIL is the same height as me (5'8"), and I have known him for over a decade. Literally the only time his height has ever been mentioned or cared about was when my SIL needed to wear kitten heels at their wedding. Your son's friends and family will care one iota about his height and neither should you.

Flowersintheattic2021 · 15/10/2021 07:30

Teen girls are ruthless. I remember telling my dh when I was 17 (31 now) he can stand on the yellow pages if I wore heels. I'm 5ft6 he's 5ft8

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 15/10/2021 07:32

I thought you were going to say 5 foot 3. 5 foot 8 is fine e. Same height as my body builder son.

onlyreadingneverposting8 · 15/10/2021 07:41

My DH is 5'8 - it's not tall but it's not short either!! I'm 5'1" so everyone is taller than me just about 🤣 of our 5 sons we have a mix of heights. DS 3 (17) is just about done growing and only touching 5'7 but he's a massive F1 fan and loves gymnastics too so has plenty of male role models there who are his height and shorter. I think that's where to focus his attention - finding men he can look upon as successful and inspiring who aren't the tallest men in the room so to speak.

DontWiltMySpinachPlease · 15/10/2021 07:46

My husband is 5ft 6 and bloody gorgeous. Height won't mean a damn thing to anyone who is worth his time.

residentkaleidoscope · 15/10/2021 07:46

I'm tall so 5ft8 would be short to me but I wouldn't look at your partner walking down the street and think wow look at that short man.

stillcrazyafterall · 15/10/2021 07:53

It's all relative. I'm 5'8" and the shortest in my family, my DS2 is the shortest male and is 6'2". My friend is 5' 3" and her DH is 5'8", my family are like giants to her. The average is 5'9" so that obviously means there are taller and shorter.

Glassofshloer · 15/10/2021 07:58

5’8 is on the lower end of average rather than ‘short’ in my opinion. Being tall doesn’t in itself make somebody attractive - I had a 6’6 ex who in hindsight looked like shrek, but seemed to think at that height he couldn’t be anything less than devastatingly handsome 😂

I’m with somebody the same height as me now who is actually handsome & has lovely thick hair

It’ll only be an issue if you son ‘makes’ it one!

TumtumTree · 15/10/2021 07:59

My dad is 5'4". He's in his 80s now and has had a great life - successful career, long happy marriage. It needn't hold your DS back at all!

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