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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Men on Mumsnet!

331 replies

AnnieSnap · 14/10/2021 18:42

AIBU to wonder why some men are on Mumsnet? I don’t have strong feelings about it, I’m not anti-men and the posts from men I have come across on here have all been fine, but it just strikes me as odd that these reasonable men would become a part of an obviously women’s forum. Sleazy men, it would make sense, but decent blokes?

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 15/10/2021 10:59

You can find those same topics in so many non-parenting sites across the internet. So why visit this one?

Why not visit this one? This usually comes up first on google. Mnhq have said over and over that anyone who isn’t an arsehole is welcome here, regardless of if they’ve got kids (I’m paraphrasing a bit there!).

What do you do with posters from the infertility board who never have kids? Boot them out?

I get your point to an extent though, although you’ve not addressed most of mine

What specifically would you like a comment on?

Geamhradh · 15/10/2021 11:01

@Confiscatedpopit

It’s weirder to see non-parents in my opinion. Especially when they come on here to try be disparaging towards parents generally. Dare voice that on other threads though and some idiot will write ‘Mumsnet bingo’ in response to you.
Where would you like our long term posters whose children have died to go? Or do they still count for you? Or the parents trying to conceive? As for disparaging. I'd say be careful in that glass house.
Geamhradh · 15/10/2021 11:03

@WhiskyXray

I prefer a more female space, and fortunately other online communities do exist where the mighty penis is all but absent.

Here one of the most visible mods / paddle-wavers is male, which sits really badly with me.

Perhaps all posters should go in for a DNA test before being allowed to sign up?
Pythonista · 15/10/2021 11:06

And show evidence that they have procreated

Geamhradh · 15/10/2021 11:12

@Pythonista

And show evidence that they have procreated
Of course! They could start threads about their penises as a sort of written entry test!

Oh. Hang on.

Pythonista · 15/10/2021 11:12

Grin Grin

PurpleDaisies · 15/10/2021 11:13

Surely all those people without kids are too busy driving fast cars and going on holiday to post here? Wink

TheBlackArt · 15/10/2021 11:14

You can find those same topics in so many non-parenting sites across the internet. So why visit this one?

Why do you give a shit?

Classica · 15/10/2021 11:15

How many other forums are there that are as big and busy as MN? I don't know of any others, so I can see why people gravitate here.

Pythonista · 15/10/2021 11:16

Actually I have a question for those triggered by the existence of non-parents and/or men on here.

I have been pregnant. I do not have a child. Does that count?

And what about those who desperately want children or have suffered a loss?

I think you need to clarify exactly who you decide are "parents"

Geamhradh · 15/10/2021 11:23

@Pythonista

Actually I have a question for those triggered by the existence of non-parents and/or men on here.

I have been pregnant. I do not have a child. Does that count?

And what about those who desperately want children or have suffered a loss?

I think you need to clarify exactly who you decide are "parents"

Yup. They're going to go "oh we don't mean people like you" All a bit "I'm not racist but..." innit?

Non parents are busy taking holidays because the fucking fuckers have been fully vaccinated obvs. And if they're at home, they're being all pervy by speaking to babies in supermarkets. Or giving presents to their next door neighbour's kids. And doing baaaaad things like mowing their lawn at 6pm when Junior has to stick to his routine. Oh, and they sit and cheer when a horrific crime is on the news. Because MN has taught us that "as a parent myself" we get to cry at that sort of stuff. The implication being, well, just as batshit as much that's been said on this thread already v

Pythonista · 15/10/2021 11:27

And if they aren't talking to babies then (gasp) they are not paying enough attention to said child or applauding when they appear!

WorraLiberty · 15/10/2021 11:29

@Confiscatedpopit

It’s weirder to see non-parents in my opinion. Especially when they come on here to try be disparaging towards parents generally. Dare voice that on other threads though and some idiot will write ‘Mumsnet bingo’ in response to you.
Parents aren't some sort of wonderfully unique beings beyond reproach.

If someone wants to be disparaging towards parents, and share/discuss their negative views, why do you have a problem with that?

No-one's forcing you to engage, or discuss their feelings.

politics4me · 15/10/2021 11:33

Day of the Triffids
I can remember the story being serialised on Radio,- The Home Service I presume.
I follow Mumsnet because it is lively and active. If you know of any other non specialised Sites I would be pleased to learn of them.

Cas112 · 15/10/2021 11:41

Because they also are allowed to chat to people OP

TwinsandTrifle · 15/10/2021 11:42

I think what's more accurate is that MN is now different to it's initial state. As mentioned, I used it a lot some 10, maybe 15 yes ago. And it was certainly a female forum, whether intended or not. I know there's a male poster that said earlier "wrong, I was on it" and fair play, he may have been. I used it loads and didn't encounter anyone who said they were a man, categorically, not once. Whereas now, many posters are male and present themselves as such.

I rejoined, probably a couple of years ago, and it's a really different mix of posters. I don't think that's anything to get your knickers in a twist over, but it's definitely not the "just female" forum it was way back then.

Because that's how I first found it, and heavily used it, this time round, when someone says they are a man, I do still have a momentary "oh!" But that's about the extent of it. It's not an "oh, what are you doing here? Get off"

I think it felt like a safer space back then, to me anyway, but not because it was more female, just because inherently then internet has grown into somewhere less safe in almost every respect. There were just as many bunfights. Less journalists hovering over everything and level of trolling though.

Ten years ago, to me, MN was for women, predominantly, mainly but not exclusively, mums. Today it's a free for all, but I still find it my go to for help (on which paint someone would recommend, which trainers are good value, does anyone know a good restaurant in xyz) for entertainment (love the Christmas boards) and a place to have some really good discussions.

Geamhradh · 15/10/2021 11:48

@TwinsandTrifle

I think what's more accurate is that MN is now different to it's initial state. As mentioned, I used it a lot some 10, maybe 15 yes ago. And it was certainly a female forum, whether intended or not. I know there's a male poster that said earlier "wrong, I was on it" and fair play, he may have been. I used it loads and didn't encounter anyone who said they were a man, categorically, not once. Whereas now, many posters are male and present themselves as such.

I rejoined, probably a couple of years ago, and it's a really different mix of posters. I don't think that's anything to get your knickers in a twist over, but it's definitely not the "just female" forum it was way back then.

Because that's how I first found it, and heavily used it, this time round, when someone says they are a man, I do still have a momentary "oh!" But that's about the extent of it. It's not an "oh, what are you doing here? Get off"

I think it felt like a safer space back then, to me anyway, but not because it was more female, just because inherently then internet has grown into somewhere less safe in almost every respect. There were just as many bunfights. Less journalists hovering over everything and level of trolling though.

Ten years ago, to me, MN was for women, predominantly, mainly but not exclusively, mums. Today it's a free for all, but I still find it my go to for help (on which paint someone would recommend, which trainers are good value, does anyone know a good restaurant in xyz) for entertainment (love the Christmas boards) and a place to have some really good discussions.

I think there were more men 10-15 years ago. You're right that the demographic was very different though, so maybe they weren't wary of "showing" themselves in case of "wah! There's a man! Do something!" like now. Ironically of course it was, almost single-handedly, the infamous load of bollocks (no pun intended) that was PB that changed the demographic. So we could say that posters were happy enough to click through from a red top to read about a dick, but are then unprepared to talk to someone who happens to have one.
scarpa · 15/10/2021 11:48

@PurpleDaisies

Surely all those people without kids are too busy driving fast cars and going on holiday to post here? Wink
My fast car must have got lost in the post Grin

I like mumsnet, I find it fascinating. There are some wonderful (and awful) people here. When I first joined, I was on the fence about kids so I didn't feel as out of place - now I know I definitely don't want them, it feels like I don't go a day without someone on a thread questioning why we're here, even though 90% of AIBU posts (which is all I read really) aren't parenting related at all!

Geamhradh · 15/10/2021 11:48

@Cas112

Because they also are allowed to chat to people OP
Noooooo. Say it isn't so!
Pythonista · 15/10/2021 11:49

@TwinsandTrifle

I think what's more accurate is that MN is now different to it's initial state. As mentioned, I used it a lot some 10, maybe 15 yes ago. And it was certainly a female forum, whether intended or not. I know there's a male poster that said earlier "wrong, I was on it" and fair play, he may have been. I used it loads and didn't encounter anyone who said they were a man, categorically, not once. Whereas now, many posters are male and present themselves as such.

I rejoined, probably a couple of years ago, and it's a really different mix of posters. I don't think that's anything to get your knickers in a twist over, but it's definitely not the "just female" forum it was way back then.

Because that's how I first found it, and heavily used it, this time round, when someone says they are a man, I do still have a momentary "oh!" But that's about the extent of it. It's not an "oh, what are you doing here? Get off"

I think it felt like a safer space back then, to me anyway, but not because it was more female, just because inherently then internet has grown into somewhere less safe in almost every respect. There were just as many bunfights. Less journalists hovering over everything and level of trolling though.

Ten years ago, to me, MN was for women, predominantly, mainly but not exclusively, mums. Today it's a free for all, but I still find it my go to for help (on which paint someone would recommend, which trainers are good value, does anyone know a good restaurant in xyz) for entertainment (love the Christmas boards) and a place to have some really good discussions.

But you don't know which posters are which sex, and which are parents. The only information you have is what they give you. This may not be accurate.
MrsFezziwig · 15/10/2021 11:49

For full disclosure, I am a non-parent (though I know where to borrow a baby if need be). I think if Mumsnet got rid of all the general interest boards then I doubt the site would be viable as there just wouldn’t be the traffic in terms of attracting advertising revenue, so that won’t happen.

I’m presuming the folk berating non-parents post exclusively on parenting threads as obviously they can’t believe that their opinion on “AIBU to think celebrities should seriously get over themselves” (picked at random from Active Topics this morning) is any more valid than anyone else’s.

Sprostongreen21 · 15/10/2021 11:51

@Confiscatedpopit

You can find those same topics in so many non-parenting sites across the internet. So why visit this one?

I get your point to an extent though, although you’ve not addressed most of mine. I think Mumsnet has clearly grown over the years and lost direction in what it is meant to be. I can see why this has lead to ambiguity.

Because quite often it’s a top result when you google a query or similar. People then get sucked in. I don’t need children to comment on a parking, exercise or a house buying thread do I?
ErrolTheDragon · 15/10/2021 12:05

MNHQ may have some data on the demographics of members. Maybe someone should ask them?

PeriChristmas · 15/10/2021 12:13

@BillMasen

Man here

Love it when I have an excuse to say that

Parent here. Came for that years ago. Stayed for the breadth of (usually) intelligent and well written discussions. Have learnt loads (including the feminism board) and hopefully have contributed a bit.

*Man here

Love it when I have an excuse to say that*

😹

2boysDad · 15/10/2021 12:20

Why do I read mumsnet.

Mostly for the amusing wedding threads and the "cheeky f*cker" threads.

Why else?

Swipe left for the next trending thread