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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Men on Mumsnet!

331 replies

AnnieSnap · 14/10/2021 18:42

AIBU to wonder why some men are on Mumsnet? I don’t have strong feelings about it, I’m not anti-men and the posts from men I have come across on here have all been fine, but it just strikes me as odd that these reasonable men would become a part of an obviously women’s forum. Sleazy men, it would make sense, but decent blokes?

OP posts:
Mymapuddlington · 15/10/2021 01:33

I just associate MUMSnet with mums is all. I don’t care if anyone is a parent or not on here I just find it odd is all

TheBlackArt · 15/10/2021 01:34

@Mymapuddlington

I just associate MUMSnet with mums is all. I don’t care if anyone is a parent or not on here I just find it odd is all
You clearly must care to even bring it up.
Pythonista · 15/10/2021 01:34

Luckily it doesn't matter that you find it weird.

The ability to hide topics is what makes it great.

What I find weird is people starting these kind of threads every week or so - does being a mother mean you lack imagination ?

Pythonista · 15/10/2021 01:35

@Mymapuddlington

I just associate MUMSnet with mums is all. I don’t care if anyone is a parent or not on here I just find it odd is all
Well yes, you clearly do.
Mymapuddlington · 15/10/2021 01:35

Ok I’m a terrible person. I understand that now and I’ll never comment on a thread anything that I find odd again.

Classica · 15/10/2021 01:36

Stop being such a baby

Pythonista · 15/10/2021 01:36

@Mymapuddlington

Ok I’m a terrible person. I understand that now and I’ll never comment on a thread anything that I find odd again.
Nobody said you are a terrible person.

You are however a little judgemental

MrsFezziwig · 15/10/2021 02:01

@Mymapuddlington

Maybe it’s because I’m on the spectrum but if I wasn’t a mum or trying to be a mum why would I go on mumsnet? I only found this site because I was pregnant and googled.
I only found this site because I googled about bifold doors and a thread on Mumsnet was in the top search position, so what is your point exactly?
BritWifeInUSA · 15/10/2021 02:50

@TheReluctantPhoenix

Mumsnet is, according to their own strap line, ‘by parents for parents’.

I find it stranger to see non parents on a parenting forum.

Where else can us childless folk look for ideas and help on issues when we are looking after/babysitting our nephews, nieces, friend’s children etc? Should we be looking on a decorating forum? Or a camping forum?
TomPinch · 15/10/2021 02:52

@MrsTerryPratchett

It's about the balance of everyone's views

I find this an instructive tool for seeing if there's actually balance. arementalkingtoomuch.com/

In most meetings I've found it's so obvious I don't need it.

@MrsTerryPratchett

Hahaha! I'm back at work on Monday and deffo giving that a go. I'll try to remember to post the results.

ShrikeAttack · 15/10/2021 03:15

Goodness, what a kerfuffle.

I would like to say that, I think it's three posters that have used the phrase 'A myriad of', myriad means very many, a multitude of, plentitudinous.

Ergo, myriad dickheads or it was myriad arses that made me realise my syntax was skewiff.

Duckypoohs · 15/10/2021 03:23

This issue has been discussed as long as this forum has existed. As long as it is so open, name changing unlimited and all that literally anyone from anywhere can post and read.

It is irritating when the "behold a manly man here to correct you feeble wimmin" types post, it can really derail stuff but people bite every time.

TomPinch · 15/10/2021 04:08

@Duckypoohs

This issue has been discussed as long as this forum has existed. As long as it is so open, name changing unlimited and all that literally anyone from anywhere can post and read.

It is irritating when the "behold a manly man here to correct you feeble wimmin" types post, it can really derail stuff but people bite every time.

This is true. But another thing that I see happening just as much is, probably a small group of people who are spoiling for a fight jumping on quite innocuous comments by men. I think they're generally people who think men shouldn't be allowed on MN at all, probably a small number. It causes a completely unnecessary derail.
WhiskyXray · 15/10/2021 07:06

I prefer a more female space, and fortunately other online communities do exist where the mighty penis is all but absent.

Here one of the most visible mods / paddle-wavers is male, which sits really badly with me.

onelittlefrog · 15/10/2021 07:09

What a weird post. Why shouldn't men be interested in the topics posted on here? A lot of the content is about parenthood generally.

TBH I'd be an advocate for changing to parentsnet and being more inclusive but I'm sure the feminist brigade would be on that like a ton of bricks.

Pythonista · 15/10/2021 07:10

@WhiskyXray

I prefer a more female space, and fortunately other online communities do exist where the mighty penis is all but absent.

Here one of the most visible mods / paddle-wavers is male, which sits really badly with me.

That's the thing with online communities - you don't know who you are speaking to.
Pythonista · 15/10/2021 07:12

@onelittlefrog

What a weird post. Why shouldn't men be interested in the topics posted on here? A lot of the content is about parenthood generally.

TBH I'd be an advocate for changing to parentsnet and being more inclusive but I'm sure the feminist brigade would be on that like a ton of bricks.

The point many are making is they a lot of the content is irrelevant to parenting
Mookie81 · 15/10/2021 07:22

Simonjt is a man and probably my favourite poster on MN.
They're not all scumbags HmmGrin.

brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr · 15/10/2021 07:26

I’m married to a mum and my mum happens to be a mum. I like it here because I get a better perspective of issues faced by many women and mothers. I’m also a parent of course, not an occasional babysitter or daddy daycare operator - an actual involved hands-on father. I like to read about other parents experiences and advice. Find me a “dadsnet” with the same depth of content, insights, and proper parenting related experience : doesn’t exist so here I am, in with the mums. Hi mums, you rock.

ShrikeAttack · 15/10/2021 08:01

@Mookie81

Simonjt is a man and probably my favourite poster on MN. They're not all scumbags HmmGrin.
Why? He seems like a decent enough chap and I've never seen him be a dick, conversely I've never seen him be super-entertaining or helpful in some way. So the only reason he could be your favourite poster is because he's a gay man with a child.

That's a bit fawning and a good argument against men being here.

PurpleDaisies · 15/10/2021 08:06

TBH I'd be an advocate for changing to parentsnet and being more inclusive but I'm sure the feminist brigade would be on that like a ton of bricks.

What about all the non parents here?

Geamhradh · 15/10/2021 08:34

@Pythonista

Luckily it doesn't matter that you find it weird.

The ability to hide topics is what makes it great.

What I find weird is people starting these kind of threads every week or so - does being a mother mean you lack imagination ?

They tend to be started by the "since becoming a mummy" posters tbf. I've been here nearly 20 years and tend to post about anything and everything but rarely my child. Call me odd, but I kind of existed as a person before the "becoming a mummy" thing. I think the "oooh why is there a man here" posters didn't.
Sprostongreen21 · 15/10/2021 08:44

I found mumsnet like most: googled finding information on something. Except mine wasn’t pregnancy or motherhood as I’m not a mum. It was house buying of all things. I didn’t know the forum existed and there’s so much on here that isn’t parenting. So my child free self stayed. Sorry if that offends the mums only crew. But I don’t need to have birthed a bay to comment on non child related posts. Some of the child related posts are useful professionally.

I’m pretty sure some men found it from google or trying to sort out something in their lives too. Like previous posters who stumbled while having marriage or baby issues.

Also to the poster that commented about non parents starting posts about not being a parent. Why not? Anyone can post anything surely? You don’t have to read it. It’s relevant to a whole host of us on here. I don’t hate children, I’ve worked with them in a professional capacity for 25 years. I just don’t have the pull for my own.

However my thoughts and feelings on why are very valid and sometimes these posts help those that feel pressured or are unsure about motherhood. We can give the insight on the other side to being child free and shock horror still having a valid and fulfilling existence. I’ve read plenty of posts from those that regret their choices to have children. So having two sides to the discussion on the subject of having children is very valid.

Pythonista · 15/10/2021 08:45

@PurpleDaisies

TBH I'd be an advocate for changing to parentsnet and being more inclusive but I'm sure the feminist brigade would be on that like a ton of bricks.

What about all the non parents here?

Well according to some people on here they should probably be taken out and shot Hmm
ErrolTheDragon · 15/10/2021 09:33

@onelittlefrog

What a weird post. Why shouldn't men be interested in the topics posted on here? A lot of the content is about parenthood generally.

TBH I'd be an advocate for changing to parentsnet and being more inclusive but I'm sure the feminist brigade would be on that like a ton of bricks.

As you say, a weird post.

But so is yours. Feminists are generally very much in favour of men taking a more equal role in parenting. Of course they should be welcome to get advice and discuss parenting issues. Men being engaged and responsible parents is entirely congruent with feminism.

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