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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My friend won’t let me bring my gecko to her house. Aibu?

315 replies

IndraOnTheMountain · 14/10/2021 16:44

I’m going to visit my friend for the weekend soon with my kids.

We have to look after the school gecko for half term, so I asked if we could bring him with us. He’s very small and his tank is only shoe box sized so this seemed quite reasonable to me.

She responded in an extremely abrupt way to say that I couldn’t bring him and would need to find another arrangement. She was particularly irate about the idea I would need to bring live crickets to feed him with. I reassured her that feeding geckos crickets is totally ethical, and that they are in an escape proof container but she was resolute. Tbh I think she was drunk.

I feel really hurt that she wouldn’t allow what seems like quite a small request! If she wanted to bring her gecko to my house I would be totally okay with that. It’s very inconvenient for me too, I think that she just doesn’t value my time or friendship. I’m already having to make arrangements for my dog and chickens when we go to visit so the gecko is just a step too far.

Aibu?

OP posts:
VestaTilley · 15/10/2021 21:54

Is this a joke?!

Of course she doesn’t want a lizard and live crickets in her house! I wouldn’t either. You’re being very unreasonable, and oblivious!

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 15/10/2021 21:59

@DBI78

New to Mumsnet. What's a reverse? Also perfectly reasonable to say no to gecko 🦎
A reverse is when someone tells their story from the point of view of the other person in the dilemma, to see if MN will say that the other person is being unreasonable, so they feel,justified.

For example, in this case, @IndraOnTheMountain has said she is the person who wants to take the gecko visiting, and her friend has said No. If this were a reverse, then @IndraOnTheMountain would be the friend who has said No to the gecko visit, wanting to know that her friend was being unreasonable to want to bring the gecko with her.

It tends to be a bit divisive on MN because some people think it’s a bit manipulative.

Purplespup16 · 15/10/2021 22:12

It doesn’t matter if her house was a zoo… she has every right to say no! You have absolutely no right to get upset about it either. Doesn’t matter if you would be accommodating or not! YOU apologise to your friend ASAP!!

It was ok to ask but you should have been expecting her to say no! I say this as an animal lover with a dog laid out on my other sofa with a blanket and pillow. I wouldn’t expect to be able to take my dog to someone else’s house and allow him to hog their sofa with a blanket and pillow.

PixieLaLa · 15/10/2021 23:37

Do you think she might reconsider if the Gecko was vegan for the weekend? Or is it also having a lizard in the house that’s the issue I wonder….

MrsSkylerWhite · 15/10/2021 23:38

This is still going? 🤣🤣🤣

LizzieW1969 · 15/10/2021 23:49

I like geckos, and lizards in general. So I actually wouldn’t have minded at all if a friend had asked if they could bring the class gecko.

Your friend isn’t unreasonable, though, lizards aren’t everyone’s cup of tea.

EmeraldShamrock · 16/10/2021 00:48

My nephew has a snake he heats dead mice in the microwave and dangles them until the snack attacks.
It enjoys other live food.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 16/10/2021 02:53

@EmeraldShamrock

My nephew has a snake he heats dead mice in the microwave and dangles them until the snack attacks. It enjoys other live food.
More likely he defrosts dead mice in the microwave - they're usually kept frozen, and are bought in packs that way, same as chicks. Standard food for snakes.

But maybe he heats them beyond defrosting, who knows.

Marvellousmadness · 16/10/2021 04:08

I feel like you are the drunk on here op :p

grapewine · 16/10/2021 05:20

@Icebreaker99

Surely by "alive" she meant do not bring live animals with you - so no dog, no chickens and no gecko, it wasn't a dig at your dead pets Hmm
This!

OP, she doesn't want pets in her house. That's perfectly valid. If you cut her out of your life for that, then maybe she's better off. Not everyone wants animals in their home (on the sofa or off!)

BunnytheFriendlyDragon · 16/10/2021 06:27

YABU

Some people don't like animals in their house

Lokdok · 16/10/2021 10:14

First of all, that is insanely cruel. Gecko should be in a very large heated vivarium which would need a van to carry (at least the full back of a big car). It’s totally inappropriate to bring a gecko around like a handbag and if you signed up to look after it for a week then you need to cancel your weekend away or find neighbours to check in on it. If you leave it and put too many crickets in then they will bite the gecko. Don’t blame your friend for not wanting it there either, ridiculous request.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 16/10/2021 10:20

The gecko will be FINE for a weekend. It does not need feeding every day.

Original poster
IndraOnTheMountain · 16/10/2021 11:53

It seems like for a lot of people the live crickets are the biggest issue.
I’ve messaged her to suggest that I could bring along some of these crickets instead as they wouldn’t have the same issues. People even eat them as snacks so they’re a very inoffensive thing to bring.

Do you think that seems like a fair compromise? I do feel I’ve been very accommodating to her feelings now so I’ll just have to hope she can see my side.

amazon.co.uk/dp/B08H8XGZQ4/ref=cm_sw_r_wa_api_glt_fabc_XN1KWWTXW8BKSBC4K14V]]

OP posts:
Dontforgetyourbrolly · 16/10/2021 11:55

Yanbu to bring the gecko but for goodness sake find alternative arrangements for the unicorn

grapewine · 16/10/2021 12:06

She has said no. Repeatedly. Now you're just being pushy.

grapewine · 16/10/2021 12:07

How is it accommodating her feelings to ignore her boundaries about pets in her house?

OhThatChicken · 16/10/2021 12:09

Of course it's not a compromise!

Just say you can't have the gecko for half term or say you'll visit another time. How has this taken 12 pages of faffing?

NettleTea · 16/10/2021 12:15

how have you been accommodating to her feelings?

She said no

The gecko wont actually be harmed by being fed before you go and fed when you come back.

SHE SAID NO

Geckosarenotmything · 16/10/2021 12:18

My friend asked could her school gecko stay
I've said there is absolutely no way
She brings that thing to my house
Or her chickens or mouse
She's pushing my nerves til they fray

Idontgiveagriffindamn · 16/10/2021 12:23

You’re now overstepping the mark. She said no, you’re pushing it.
This won’t end well if you don’t respect her boundaries.

MedusasBadHairDay · 16/10/2021 13:26

There's no way this is real, surely? Jokes starting to wear thin now OP honestly

Maireas · 16/10/2021 13:39

Schroedinger's gecko

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 16/10/2021 13:40

@IndraOnTheMountain - your friend said ”absolutely no live animals” - so clearly her issue is NOT just with the live crickets, but with the gecko too - is that really so hard to comprehend?

It is very unreasonable and rude of you to keep on pushing your friend like this - if you want to stay friends, that is.

It is her home, and she has said No to the gecko - you just need to accept her decision and stop hassling her. And given that you have been pushy and rude, you also need to apologise.

Maireas · 16/10/2021 13:40

@IndraOnTheMountain

It seems like for a lot of people the live crickets are the biggest issue. I’ve messaged her to suggest that I could bring along some of these crickets instead as they wouldn’t have the same issues. People even eat them as snacks so they’re a very inoffensive thing to bring.

Do you think that seems like a fair compromise? I do feel I’ve been very accommodating to her feelings now so I’ll just have to hope she can see my side.

smile.]]

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