My friend won’t let me bring my gecko to her house. Aibu?

[IndraOnTheMountain]

I’m going to visit my friend for the weekend soon with my kids.

We have to look after the school gecko for half term, so I asked if we could bring him with us. He’s very small and his tank is only shoe box sized so this seemed quite reasonable to me.

She responded in an extremely abrupt way to say that I couldn’t bring him and would need to find another arrangement. She was particularly irate about the idea I would need to bring live crickets to feed him with. I reassured her that feeding geckos crickets is totally ethical, and that they are in an escape proof container but she was resolute. Tbh I think she was drunk.

I feel really hurt that she wouldn’t allow what seems like quite a small request! If she wanted to bring her gecko to my house I would be totally okay with that. It’s very inconvenient for me too, I think that she just doesn’t value my time or friendship. I’m already having to make arrangements for my dog and chickens when we go to visit so the gecko is just a step too far.

Aibu?

[Cleebope2]

And finally the gecko thread ends . Hopefully the friendship hasn’t!! Not worth it over a gecko (and I love geckos).

[EmeraldShamrock]

More likely he defrosts dead mice in the microwave - they're usually kept frozen, and are bought in packs that way, same as chicks. Standard food for snakes.
Yes that sounds more likely, he has a special bowl for preparation.
I haven't watched him feeding his snake thankfully.

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

OMG, @SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius - that's hilarious!!

[AllyBama]

She very clearly said no live animals. Is the gecko alive? Yes? Then there’s your answer. You’re being incredibly dense and selfish about all this. I would have blocked you by now.

[5foot5]

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius What a brilliant story! Bet the driver of the other car entertained many people on that story too.

OP YABVVU to expect other people to accommodate your pets. Occasionally we took our guinea pigs when we were visiting family but we ALWAYS checked first to see if they were happy about it and would have made other arrangements without quibbling if there had been even a hint of unease.

I think if someone asked to bring a gecko to my house for a short time I would be surprised but could just about agree, however, the live crickets would be an absolute no as I would be worried about them escaping.

And I would definitely not be visiting your house very often if you have poultry wandering about indoors.

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

Talking of exploding rodents…….

When I was a teenager, we lived out in the countryside, and our house was set back from the road, down a track which became nigh impassable if it was icy or snowy, so dad used to park the car by the church. If the car wouldn't start, mum, dsis and I would push the car off down the hill, while dad bump started it.

Well - one snowy morning, the car wouldn’t start, so dad bump started it, and we set off (he used to drop us at school on his way to work). Although he’d got the car to start, there was clearly something wrong - it just wasn’t pulling properly. After he dropped us off, dad was on his way through a small town, when there was a big explosion under the car - which then started to pull properly.

Dad pulled over to see what had happened, and the car behind him pulled over too - with a shattered windscreen. Turns out that, when dad parked the car the night before, he’d parked up against a snowdrift, and a rat had crawled into the nice, warm exhaust pipe, and got stuck there. Once he started driving the next day, the rat gradually cooked in the exhaust until it had shrunk enough to come out with all the pent up power of the trapped exhaust behind it - and the cooked rat projectile had gone through the windscreen of the car behind, and splattered all over his back seat.

He was very understanding, and laughed it off, saying it was a company car, and he would scrape the bits up and send them to the people who did their insurance.

Dad dined out in that story for the rest of his life, and I am following in his footsteps.

[mrsevangelina]

OP you have been the exact opposite of accommodating to her feelings.

It's her house, she makes the decisions.

No means no, or weren't you aware? Stop trying to convince her otherwise!

[Chikapu]

You've gone too far OP, no one is going to believe you're that dim that you think you've been accommodating to her feelings.

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

Thanks @iklboo - I've not had snakes (can't deal with the dead mice and chicks side of things) and friends I know who have had them have never said anything about giving them to their pets warm. I know they come in frozen packs though. Good advice re. the microwave side of things though - wouldn't fancy getting bits of exploded rodent out of the vents etc.

I do have lizards though, including a gecko and I cannot emphasise enough that the gecko will be FINE left on its own over a weekend without being fed, so long as it is fed before you go and when you come back. FINE. I can just about handle the live crickets but draw the line at live woodroaches. Won't have them in the house.

@IndraOnTheMountain - you are now either taking the piss or failing to understand that your friend Does Not Want The Gecko In Her House. DO NOT TAKE IT WITH YOU.

[Hoppinggreen]

I did not know that, thank you
Luckily we dont have small dc but I will make sure DD washes her hands very carefully after handling ours

[FatCatThinCat]

Really?
I don’t see how ours could catch any disease. He has no contact with anyone or anything apart from DD and the inside of his viv. He doesn’t get live food and is pretty clean

They don't catch it, they're natural carriers so even if it is fit and well it can still spread disease. My friends 3 year old nearly died after catching e-coli from a gecko which the family had had as a pet for several years. She spent months in an induced coma in Great Ormond Street. Thankfully she pullled through and is now a fit and healthy teen but that is why I won't allow my children to be around them.

www.nhsggc.org.uk/media/225135/DH%20Reptile%20Salmonella.pdf

[GeorgiaMcGraw]

[quote iklboo]@ThumbWitchesAbroad - yes you need to warm the mice up. They won't touch cold food. We heat the mice for ours in hot water. Microwave is too risky (you don't want exploding rodents where you put your beans). [/quote]
See, this is why I love Mumsnet. Good, solid, everyday advice. Don't explode rodents on your beans. I've made a note of this. Hopefully my family will enjoy their beans on toast a bit more this way.... In all seriousness @op, you're being incredibly rude to your friend. You have no right to bring anything into her house she doesn't want. End of. And please suggest better living conditions for the gecko to the school. Like a zoo, perhaps.

[iklboo]

@ThumbWitchesAbroad - yes you need to warm the mice up. They won't touch cold food. We heat the mice for ours in hot water. Microwave is too risky (you don't want exploding rodents where you put your beans).

[Ginger1982]

[quote IndraOnTheMountain]It seems like for a lot of people the live crickets are the biggest issue.
I’ve messaged her to suggest that I could bring along some of these crickets instead as they wouldn’t have the same issues. People even eat them as snacks so they’re a very inoffensive thing to bring.

Do you think that seems like a fair compromise? I do feel I’ve been very accommodating to her feelings now so I’ll just have to hope she can see my side.

<a class="break-all" href="https://smile.[[//amazon.co.uk/dp/B08H8XGZQ4/ref=cm_sw_r_wa_api_glt_fabc_XN1KWWTXW8BKSBC4K14V?tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21" rel="nofollow noindex" target="_blank">https://amazon.co.uk/dp/B08H8XGZQ4/ref=cm_sw_r_wa_api_glt_fabc_XN1KWWTXW8BKSBC4K14V]][/quote?tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21]
Why should she have to compromise? She doesn't want a gecko in her house! If you don't like it, stay elsewhere!

[iklboo]

I needed the toilet but now I don't as you have totally taken the piss with your last post. Which I expect was your motive anyway.

[Maireas]

@IndraOnTheMountain

It seems like for a lot of people the live crickets are the biggest issue.
I’ve messaged her to suggest that I could bring along some of these crickets instead as they wouldn’t have the same issues. People even eat them as snacks so they’re a very inoffensive thing to bring.

Do you think that seems like a fair compromise? I do feel I’ve been very accommodating to her feelings now so I’ll just have to hope she can see my side.

smile.]]

What's this link supposed to be?

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

@IndraOnTheMountain - your friend said ”absolutely no live animals” - so clearly her issue is NOT just with the live crickets, but with the gecko too - is that really so hard to comprehend?

It is very unreasonable and rude of you to keep on pushing your friend like this - if you want to stay friends, that is.

It is her home, and she has said No to the gecko - you just need to accept her decision and stop hassling her. And given that you have been pushy and rude, you also need to apologise.

[Maireas]

Schroedinger's gecko

[MedusasBadHairDay]

There's no way this is real, surely? Jokes starting to wear thin now OP honestly

[Idontgiveagriffindamn]

You’re now overstepping the mark. She said no, you’re pushing it.
This won’t end well if you don’t respect her boundaries.

[Geckosarenotmything]

My friend asked could her school gecko stay
I've said there is absolutely no way
She brings that thing to my house
Or her chickens or mouse
She's pushing my nerves til they fray

[NettleTea]

how have you been accommodating to her feelings?

She said no

The gecko wont actually be harmed by being fed before you go and fed when you come back.

SHE SAID NO

[OhThatChicken]

Of course it's not a compromise!

Just say you can't have the gecko for half term or say you'll visit another time. How has this taken 12 pages of faffing?

[grapewine]

How is it accommodating her feelings to ignore her boundaries about pets in her house?

[grapewine]

She has said no. Repeatedly. Now you're just being pushy.