Neighbours kids are targeting us to the point we don’t feel comfortable living here

[Rosie1990x]

Hi everyone. I’m new here so wasn’t really sure where to post. If my thread shouldn’t be here please move it or ask me to remove it.

In august we moved to a new house in a quiet (so we thought) area. I had just been diagnosed with a benign brain tumour so we needed the peace and to move somewhere cheaper as my husband can only work part time now. We have two DS’s. 7 months and 19 months.

In the first month we met our neighbours attached to us who are lovely. They told us the kids on the street were sometimes an issue as they’re always allowed to roam freely and their parents aren’t really interested. They also mentioned the previous people who rented our house were ‘very well loved’ and ‘big characters of the street’ - we’re quite the opposite of this and prefer to keep ourselves to ourselves.

It’s now become apparent in the past month that the little boy who lives directly across from us is targeting our family and I’ve no idea what to do about it as he’s only around 10-11 years old. We have caught him numerous times throwing footballs up to our 1 year old sons window (which he has to come down our driveway to get to) in a bid to clearly wake him and cause distress. He KNOWS an infant is in that bedroom as we’ve heard him giggling about it with his friends. My husband has gone out before and asked what he’s playing at. He just runs off at the time but never stops.

Now he is becoming increasingly more abusive towards us. He shouts racial slurs at our house with his friends on the street (they’re all between 10-12 years old) and he has recently started following my poor, lovely husband calling him a paedophile. He literally screams at the top of his lungs that my husband is a Paedo!!
On another occasion he was loudly telling one of his friends outside our open bedroom window that his mum says we’re the street weirdos and none of them like us.

Last weekend we set a security camera up as someone keeps deflating my husbands car tyres. The camera points down onto our drive. Problem child saw this camera and got his friends together to chant that we were weirdos. When my husband is face to face with him (such as if he passes him in the street) the boy says nothing.

We’ve never bothered anyone on this street. We’re polite when spoken to but we don’t bother a single soul. We never would.

I don’t know how to approach this. The paedophile comments have really sent me as it is such a serious accusation. My husband is devastated.

Legally where do we stand with children committing this anti social behaviour? My husband has gone round to approach his parents but they’re literally never home. He’s about 10 and roams the streets alone pretty much all the time. He doesn’t appear to go to school.

Any input would be great.

Thanks.

OP just move, I wouldn’t bother with the police it could actually escalate things.

Honestly move, had a neighbour assault my partner and police and council did nothing.

For you peace of mind, just move house.

Oh, and social services.

We had a similar situation, though not as bad. Minor vandalism and shouting insults. One child living opposite was particularly bad, it escalated into targeting my husband (similar to the paedo insults to yours). That was the last straw for dh and he contacted the police - I think he warned the family that he’d do that if it didn’t stop, which it didn’t. They sent a PCSO to talk to the boy and the same PCSO came to talk to us, and said the boy was known to them. Obviously we don’t know exactly what was said to the boy but we were told it was a very stern warning that this was criminal behaviour.

The boy left dh alone after that. The other yobs seemed to lose interest in us and eventually grew out of it.

Personally knowing you rent... I would try to move 🌸

How long is your tenancy for OP? I would move and let police know.

Move, it isn’t worth the stress. Tell landlord exactly why.

The police will know them. How much they care depends where you are.

The housing association could be contacted, though they are often as frightened of tenants like this as you must be.

If you can move, that sadly could be best.

Hopefully the family will have something horrible happen to them.

Call the police. They have to take racial abuse seriously so concentrate on this .

I'd be extremely wary of contacting the police. In certain areas this would be deemed a crime in itself and would do you absolutely no favours on the street. I'm guessing that a lot of mumsnetters who are suggesting this have never lived in an area like this and it could potentially escalate the situation and have the whole street turn on you. I'd suggest speaking to your next door neighbours and seeing if they can suggest anything, and you could bring up the possibility of the police with them, if they're well established in the street they may be able to suggest something. And of course try again to speak to the parents. It's a terrible situation to be in and I really feel for you and your family. Sounds like the boy has been dragged so I wouldn't even expect much from the parents. The police can actually do very little besides having a word and it sounds like it would be water off a ducks back to these types up people and will do nothing but rile them up.

Obviously in the long term moving would be good but it’s extremely difficult to find rented accommodation especially right now.

Get the police involved. You are being harassed even though the little twat is 10. Make a diary, listing all the incidents as they happen. A CBO can be issued on anyone over the age of 10 that continues with anti social behaviour.

Personally I wouldn't contact the police without trying other things first. My concern would be that it will make the situation worse/stir them up and get their backs up which will result in the situation becoming worse for you.

You've tried to go around and talk to them but they're not there. I'd try and suss out a time they will be there, go around, be non confrontational, stress and focus on the important things that you want to address like - throwing the ball to hit the window (keep it simple), the padeo comments. I wouldn't mention race at this point, I think that could backfire, I would just say that he is making comments/saying things that aren't nice/names. If this boy is confronted in front of his parents he may stop. You say he stops when your husband is there directly and only does it when he isn't there, which is a good sign with regard to that.

Ideally you want to keep it light and try to get these people on side. Honestly I'd tell the parents you haven't been well. Explain things are difficult. Don't say anything that can get them defensive. Go in with an open mind. Don't look down on them. They may be completely unaware of his behaviour. Either way, you want to do whatever will result in the best outcome for you, which I imagine will be keeping them on side/keeping it light. I know it may be contrary to what you want to do but focus on what will give YOU the best outcome, nothing else.

IF this does not work and it persists I then would take it further/contact police but only after I'd tried that first, followed by a note outlining that it's still going on and you want it to stop. If you contact authorities straight away I just think it could completely put their back up and result in more problems for you which is not what you want.

I have had problems with neighbours and been amazed at how speaking to them directly can sort things out. Yes, it can be frightening and I've been apprehensive about doing it but glad that I did. In my experience, I've actually found it more effective than a note - people seem to respond to it better.

He sounds vile and you shouldn't have to deal with this but I'm trying to give you advice that will result in the best outcome for you.

I've had problems with neighbours and noise, expected them to tell me to F off but I've gone around, said hi, I'm sorry but I've got a banging headache, it's not your fault but the walls are so crappy and thin, is there any way you can turn it down a bit - and they've turned it down to the point I can't hear it. People react differently depending on how you approach them - if I'd left them a shitty note or gone around there all guns blazing they might've said no etc.

You want to get the parents on side.

@ElizaDarcysDeeds

Who is letting down the car tyres? Are you seriously saying a 10-yr-old is letting down car tyres every weekend? That seems hugely unlikely

You've clearly never lived in London...

I would move.
If this family were the kind who would care about the police then they wouldn’t let their child behave like this.

@ElizaDarcysDeeds

This happened to me when I worked at a really challenging school, started to get the bus there instead

Honestly? Can you move?

We live in a very, I’ll call it “cliquey”, street. We aren’t from around here. Several of our neighbours ran a campaign against a family of colour near us. Luckily, the LA must have thought the complaints were fishy and must have wondered why we weren’t complaining given we live very close to the family. We were able to tell them the complaints were fictitious.

Fair play to the family, they have stuck around but these neighbours (one related to a local councillor) clearly found out it was us who nixed their plan and turned their venom on us as well.

Some places are insular. They just don’t like anyone or anything they don’t know. They don’t change. They just get cleverer about targeting you. It’s not worth wasting your life on if you can move tbh. Once these kind of people start, they’ll just make your life hell and it’s probably better to just move somewhere where the neighbours are less crap.

In the meantime, definitely report everything so the authorities know there’s a malicious campaign against your family.

They’ll be a local PCSO who is likely to deal with this kind of social issue.

I'm going through something the same only don't have cameras you need three forms of evidence for it to be classed as anti social behaviour,then the police can act upon this

I'd contact the police, the school he attends if he EVER does this while wearing his school uniform, and potentially child services. And keep records and keep filming.

@Rosie1990x

We are private renting tenants however I believe most of the road socially rent from a housing association.

No. I’m not saying the child let our tyres down so where did you get that from? We don’t know who is doing it, hence the security footage?

Thank you for all of your responses so far. Our worry with contacting the police is that it will indeed make them worse

Almost certainly will make them worse and no doubt they’ll seek to gain support from others on the street for their “victimisation” by you nasty outsiders.

Let’s face it, if they were normal, they wouldn’t be doing it.

You clearly don’t need any more stress so maybe cut your losses now. It’s truly crap but you’ll be better off out of it.

Our neighbors are harassing us, in many different ways. Unfortunately I don't have cameras. But I think I'm going to have to get them.
(Although ours are adults and live next door!)
I disagree with the ones saying don't contact the police. I still think the police should be contacted.
Also ours are well known on the street to be problematic. Speak to your other neighbours so that others know what's happening

Report to Police and ASB Team at your local council (you can probably do this online).

I do wonder whether pp suggesting the police have ever lived in an area with this sort of social problem, or had to deal with similar. They will get a ticking off if you're lucky, and then come back threefold.

Ditto social services. You can report but the bar is very high for any sort of intervention.

See if a friendly approach to parents works and, if not, look to move.

Get social work involved. Say there are concerns there is a 10 year old roaming the streets with parents who never seem to be home and concerns for his welfare? Seems shocking no adults are looking after him!

There are so many reasons renting is a pain, but the one major plus is relatively speaking an easy opt out on outrageous neighbours.

As PPs have said, this won't improve, reporting it will potentially result in escalation. You have an out. Grab it with both hands.