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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

holidays with lazy teenagers

132 replies

KingsleyShacklebolt · 13/10/2021 11:14

Now I am not one of those up at 6am every morning people. But we are on holiday - in the UK - this week with two children aged 13 and 16. They do not want to be getting out of bed before 11am at the earliest. Then shower, get ready, have "breakfast", sort themselves out - not ready to leave the house until 1pm. By which point most of the day has gone. I'm not spending £££ on an "all day" ticket to somewhere which closes at 5pm when the kids can't sort themselves out to arrive before 2pm.

At least they're at the age where DH and I can fuck off on our own and leave them to it. But why would you want to be on holiday, in a new place, and waste all of it lying in your pit?

These are children who manage to get up at 7am every day for school, do not need constant reminders and are never late. I'm not asking for 7am starts on holiday, but up around 8.30 or 9 and ready to go out at 10.30 or 11 at the latest isn't too much to ask is it???

OP posts:
ElvisPresleyHadABaby · 13/10/2021 17:30

It wasn't until lockdown that I realised how fucking knackered my kids were doing the early wake ups. Have you considered that they could be burnt out? It's crucial years for their development and it seems like they could really do with the downtime.

Shepherdspiefortea · 13/10/2021 17:49

Our best holidays with teenagers in the UK were on canals! They could stay in bed while we pottered along, appear when something interesting was happening, or when we stopped in the middle of a city for a bit of shopping. They could slouch off for a walk or a cycle when they needed some away-time. It worked really well.

notthemum · 13/10/2021 17:49

@KingsleyShacklebolt

No particular plans, given that it's the UK we usually take a wait and see approach as to what we will be doing as the weather can be unpredictable. We have asked repeatedly for them to come up with ideas about what they'd like to see/do. The two suggestions were Primark and Starbucks.

Fuck me.

They are more than happy to be left, so we are leaving them and doing our own thing. What a waste though, they are in one of the most visited and historic places in the UK and the only thing they are interested in is fucking PRIMARK. Better we leave them here to watch shite on TikTok than put up with their faces tripping them while they write off whatever we want to see as "boring" or "sad".

Sorry OP, but this amused me. I live in the South east and when my dd was about 10 we went to Scotland (around seven hour drive) on the 2nd day asked dd what she wanted to do and she said go to Pizza Hut. Ffs.
KateTheEighth · 13/10/2021 17:52

I would let them lie in

Head out yourself in the morning and do stuff you want to do and then you can do stuff together in the afternoon

My kids are shattered and I know that when half term comes they will want to sleep in late and not do much. I'm not expecting much from them until early afternoon. This is a hard term - getting colder, darker, exams etc

Goldbar · 13/10/2021 18:01

I think you need to go noctural with them...show some flexibility and work to their timetable a little bit.

Take them on a ghost tour and then to a late cinema showing. Then grab fish and chips on the way back.

inthekitchensink · 13/10/2021 18:04

They’re tired, I’m tired and I dream of a holiday where I could sleep sleep sleep.
Surely in teenage speak Primark & Starbucks = shopping in town and coffee. So a browse round different shops, cakes & coffee at an independent.

Followed by new food (their choice) at different restaurants, a cocktail/mocktail and a fancy desert.

Try different shops to see if a new interest surprises them - an old camera for exploring and taking photos. A quirky bookshop and new stationery. I fell in love with poetry, Georgia O’Keefe prints, old weird folklore & love spells, crystals and metal detecting at that age on the back of a good mooch round weird shops.

A find the tackiest object hunt is a silly fun competition even the most jaded teen I knows gets thoroughly invested in!

sayanythingelse · 13/10/2021 19:00

Sounds a bit boring to me OP. Not as an adult, I love York and have done many of the same activities but as a teen I wouldn't have been fussed about getting up early to visit a country house, York Minster and to do lots of walking. I'd probably want to go shopping, to the Dungeons and maybe the train museum.

Compromise is definitely needed as it's their holiday too. I have a family member who only ever takes her kids on holiday to the middle of nowhere and to visit National Trust locations. I couldn't imagine anything more boring as a child.

Vindo · 13/10/2021 19:45

Leave them to sleep. They obviously just want this holiday to be a rest.

Go and explore yourselves during the day then go out for nice family meals in the evening. Everyone will be happier for it.

And take them to Starbucks and Primark if that's what makes them happy, it's hardly a massive ask!

TheHateIsNotGood · 13/10/2021 20:03

Thankfully, in a perverse way, CV19 clipped my wings as DS only just 'put up' with the last little, undemanding holiday we had, in Spain 3 years ago. He's now 19 and much as I would like to leave him at home and piss off somewhere for a few days, his autism prevents that for a few years yet.

So, earlier I suggested we went to Lithuania when it's cold, for a few days, so we could have a chat about things as he quite liked it when we went a few years ago.

He said "Sure", but before my hopes were lifted he then said "But that would be a Holiday, so no, I don't want to go"

I tried to assure him that it would be really boring and I just wanted to talk about boring stuff like housework, bills and laundry, so not an actual holiday. And cold...but he wasn't having any of it.

I feel your pain OP

Hawkins001 · 13/10/2021 20:03

@KingsleyShacklebolt

No particular plans, given that it's the UK we usually take a wait and see approach as to what we will be doing as the weather can be unpredictable. We have asked repeatedly for them to come up with ideas about what they'd like to see/do. The two suggestions were Primark and Starbucks.

Fuck me.

They are more than happy to be left, so we are leaving them and doing our own thing. What a waste though, they are in one of the most visited and historic places in the UK and the only thing they are interested in is fucking PRIMARK. Better we leave them here to watch shite on TikTok than put up with their faces tripping them while they write off whatever we want to see as "boring" or "sad".

Tis a pickle, the main last holiday I was on, each day I was out and about with my camera at e.g. Seaworld, inglemells, skeg and chapel st lenords, ect out around 9am and around 5:30 ish pm back in. taking many photos of various different areas of intrigue.
IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 13/10/2021 20:11

Did they get a say in where they were going?

I don’t think it’s unusual to want some down time, presumably they will have a lot to do when home to carch up on the missed schooling so I’d cut them some slack.

Anonymous48 · 13/10/2021 20:13

Maybe my kids are unusual, but they've never been particularly late sleepers. It's nice being on holiday and being able to have quiet relaxed mornings when nobody gets up until they're ready and everyone takes their time drinking coffee, eating breakfast, and getting ready for the day. We would all still be ready to go somewhere or do something by 10 or 11. But not being ready to leave until 1pm is a whole different thing and I would find that pretty annoying too.
On the other hand, a city break sounds like it could be pretty boring for teenagers. If going to Primark or Starbucks would bring them pleasure, I would try and facilitate that. It's their holiday too.
I think the answer might be to have a discussion the evening before about the following day's plans. If you decide to go somewhere that's a full day out and the kids are coming with you, they need to know what time they need to be up and ready for. If not, let them know they can take their time.

Brefugee · 14/10/2021 07:09

You know your teenagers, OP, is York the kind of place they would have picked? Mine (at those ages) would have loved all the little magic themed shops in the Shambles but only because of Harry Potter. They loved the Jorvik as smaller kids, but would have found it a bit naff a 2nd time.

In the teenage years we always chose city destinations together (so it was places like London, Berlin, Paris, Prague - the ones with far too much to do) and everyone got a say in where we went and what we did. (but they tended not to sleep long because cities are exciting to them).

How about the Yorkshire Museum? they were absolutely brilliant on Twitter during the lockdown and it seems like an interesting place (with an exhibition about Richard III at the moment)

StarcourtMall · 14/10/2021 07:16

I can sympathise! My DD13 was the same this year. I was going to suggest a ghost walk but I see you’ve already done that! My DD also asked to go cycling and swimming if your teens enjoy activities like that? She is very unimpressed with museums and walks in the countryside. Eating out always seemed to go well too!

NigelSlatersXmasTaters · 14/10/2021 07:22

There's not a lot to do in York! Sounds like they've joined in with a few things but seriously, who wants to schlep round an empty racecourse?

I'd prefer shopping and a coffee too tbh.

toomuchlaundry · 14/10/2021 07:42

I would just enjoy going out trying new restaurants in the evening with them

RedskyThisNight · 14/10/2021 07:53

I'm not exactly sure from your description what the all day £££ activities you are wanting to do are. Sounds like the teens are getting out for at least a couple of hours later in the day for you to do something together, and you are fine doing your own thing the rest of the time. I suspect you are remembering your holiday there when the DC were younger with some nostalgia and subconsciously expecting something similar. Things are different now they are older.

LeaveYourHatOn · 14/10/2021 08:02

Sometimes it's nice to do things differently too.
I'm just thinking of our holiday this year (abroad). There is one sight that we always visit, and we always go during the day. We all like it but it can be really busy and very, very hot.
Anyway, this year due to ds1 not getting up until midday, we decided instead to go out for dinner and then visit the sight (they are open until late).
OMG it was fantastic! Totally different to during the day. It was all lit up, which made it look and feel wonderful, and barely any people around, so we almost had it to ourselves. We all agreed it was much better and we'd do it again like that next year. Then we went and got a icecream, wandered through the city a bit enjoying the buzzing atomosphere, and went back to our flat.
We'd never have done it that way if it hadn't been for teen ds1.

user1487194234 · 14/10/2021 08:28

It's their holiday too
We tend to leave them in the cottage in the morning and go and do our own thing eg National Trust house which no self respecting teen will be seen dead at
Then do something in the afternoon,.mainly something like cinema,bowling and yes,shopping
I am not a big shopper so tend to find a cafe and read my book
We always include something big they love ,off to the Pleasure beach tomorrow Grin

Szyz2020 · 14/10/2021 14:05

OP have you looked at

The Hole in Wand;

Puttstars (out of town but an easy bus); also bowling arcades and leisure centre there

Everyman cinema - lovely food and great sofas, very indulgent for watching a film.

Shambles shops - you can spend ages just mooching around those and as PP suggest have a treasure hunt / tacky object hunt there or in the Shambles market.

York Chocolate Story popular with all ages.

Treasurers House - NT property but not the standard tour - if they are doing the Roman cellar one that’s atmospheric and ghostly.

York Dungeons

Not sure if the Halloween Scare places (York Maze I think) are up and running yet, you might be too early.

So much food on offer, street food, bao buns, bubble tea and waffles, loads of cuisines, also cheesecake, fudge, posh chocs etc.

Cat cafe on Goodramgate.

Castle museum is a bit dated but who doesn’t love the Victorian street.

Escape rooms galore.

Red boats - drive your own little boat on the river.

Who said there’s not much to do in York??!

CatsArePeople · 14/10/2021 14:35

I always say that we need kennels for teenagers (with unlimited wifi and takeaway junk food), because so many amusements are wasted on them.

On the other hand, the point of holidays is to relax and wind down. Lie in in morning and late nights. To be up at 7am is ridiculous.

vickyc90 · 14/10/2021 15:39

Maybe look at somewhere warm and all inclusive so you can all do what you want and meet up to do joint activities

LittleGwyneth · 14/10/2021 16:01

It's their holiday too, and teenager need way more sleep than adults do.

In terms of all day tickets - I can't think what attractions a 13 and 16 year old would really want to go to for an entire day, that sounds like more of a thing for small kids?

Mischance · 14/10/2021 16:15

If they normally have to get up at 7 I guess having a lie-in is what a holiday is about for them.

It is virtually impossible to have an adult/teenager holiday that fits the bill for everyone. Personally I would just go and do what you and your OH want to do and leave them to it.

Sleeping a lot is what teenagers do - they are growing!

icedcoffees · 14/10/2021 16:33

Most teenagers aren't interested in wandering around old historic cities. I have vivid memories of my parents planning holidays like this when I was those ages and I was bored stiff.

If you're going to have a family holiday with teenagers, then I think you need to plan some activities with them in mind - they might not be what you want to do, but it's their holiday too.

So split the week up - spend some days with them, and then have some time alone and let them go to Primark or Starbucks if that's what they want. They're old enough to wander off alone for a few hours and then you can meet up for a movie or dinner.

And, like PP have said, let the sleep! Teenagers naturally sleep later than adults and actually, making them get up at 7am for school isn't natural to them at all. Let them sleep - if you want to go out, do so, and meet them somewhere afterwards for brunch.