holidays with lazy teenagers

[KingsleyShacklebolt]

Now I am not one of those up at 6am every morning people. But we are on holiday - in the UK - this week with two children aged 13 and 16. They do not want to be getting out of bed before 11am at the earliest. Then shower, get ready, have "breakfast", sort themselves out - not ready to leave the house until 1pm. By which point most of the day has gone. I'm not spending £££ on an "all day" ticket to somewhere which closes at 5pm when the kids can't sort themselves out to arrive before 2pm.

At least they're at the age where DH and I can fuck off on our own and leave them to it. But why would you want to be on holiday, in a new place, and waste all of it lying in your pit?

These are children who manage to get up at 7am every day for school, do not need constant reminders and are never late. I'm not asking for 7am starts on holiday, but up around 8.30 or 9 and ready to go out at 10.30 or 11 at the latest isn't too much to ask is it???

They're not depressed. Just lazy and disorganised.

We are not "dragging" them round stately homes every day. Neither am I prepared to come away to a different city on holiday and spending all of it in Primark.

These are children who manage to get up at 7am every day for school, do not need constant reminders and are never late.

they probably just want a break from not getting to choose when they get up. If they're old enough, leave them to it.

@KingsleyShacklebolt

No particular plans, given that it's the UK we usually take a wait and see approach as to what we will be doing as the weather can be unpredictable. We have asked repeatedly for them to come up with ideas about what they'd like to see/do. The two suggestions were Primark and Starbucks.

Fuck me.

They are more than happy to be left, so we are leaving them and doing our own thing. What a waste though, they are in one of the most visited and historic places in the UK and the only thing they are interested in is fucking PRIMARK. Better we leave them here to watch shite on TikTok than put up with their faces tripping them while they write off whatever we want to see as "boring" or "sad".

They are TEENAGERS FFS - have you missed a memo OP? Why the dismay and confusion

For a week's holiday I would compromise on three or four days when they are up, dressed and ready to go by 9 or 9.30 at the latest and then a couple of days when they can slouch about. Presumably you have involved them in the planning? I wouldn't let them fester all week!
Totally this!

I have a 15 and 17 Yr olds (and a 9 yo) and they would lie around (esp DS2 given half a chance) if given no direction, but if something is planned they get up when poked. DS2 can be slow and procrastinate but DS1 chivvies him along as he's much more get up and go, thankfully.

I find if we say what we want to do over the course of the holiday and get the ideas in his head he's pretty up for things. Food is also usually a persuader eg 'We've found a great place to eat for lunch/ for dinner after our activity/ you can choose slap up meal later/ there's amazing hot chocolate/ ice cream shop on the way '. Might the stomach be the way to persuade?

I'm off tomorrow just with 2 teens and we've planned, roughly, each day, with the promise of nice food at junctures!

Ps it's okay to be lazy on holidays OP, theyve months of full time school. But I don't agree with everyone saying leave them and go on your own, thats not a family holiday and also it's always the places people think theyll hate that they end up loving!!

Also, stop labelling them 'lazy'. Maybe spend the time they are in bed educating yourself and reading about the teenage brain ... poor kids. I hadn't read your other replies but have glanced down now and am pleased to see I'm not the only one to think you're being horrible.

It was around 13 that I was able to leave my 13 year old with my Mum. If they are happy with what they are doing, then let them, as said it's their holiday to. Come next year pick somewhere with transport so they can get themselves to Primark and them meet up for tea. They were cleverly deliberately non committal previously when asked what they wanted to do.

Let them have a few lazy days. I love nothing more than lying in bed all morning and watching crap on my phone after a long week at work and I'm 31!

You've said yourself you are seeing how the days go. Try saying 'tomorrow, we are out of the house at 10am to do xxx' (something they would find fun) and see what happens.

@Twobirdsinatree really well put!

Try to find out what they like, apart from Promark and Starbucks

In your shoes, and as a parent of teens, I’d say: let’s do Primark and Starbucks and just go for it. Then ask them to join you on something YOU want to do (walk, museum), then find something that could be fun for all as shared thing (ice skating, ringos, or outdoor/indoor ski slopes

I found I made lots of compromises at that age, and did things that weren’t my first choice, so we could just do something together

What sort of thing is available where you are?

I’d probably book a villa and let them sleep in/laze around all they want during the day while you and your DH go off and do your thing. Then in the evening go out together, have a BBQ, play cards etc.
They may get bored by about 2pm and wish they’d got up and gone out with you or they may enjoy lazing around and using Wi-fi.

Can you not agree they get a few days doing what they want/having a lie in and then a few family activities where they have to be ready for x time to leave? Not out of bed by that time but literally dressed and ready to go.

Getting up early and packing my day full of adventures every day of a holiday exhausts me but obviously it’s nice to have some family time too.

We tend to plan activities for the following day the night before so we have more of an idea of the weather. And then that involves saying "so we'll need to leave at X time and you'll need to be up by then". That said, a lot of the time DH and I start the day with a bike ride or run, or pop for some food shopping, and only plan an activity for the afternoon. That way the teens get to have their idea of a holiday too. And yes, they do also want to go to Primark We drop them in the town centre and go off for a walk/to a visitor attraction.

I would leave them be. They are behaving like normal teenagers.

Dh and l do stuff on our own in the mornings, and teen stuff in the afternoon when they surface.

They are on holiday. Some people like lie ins on holiday.

I find that compromise works best w mine (15 and 13). We a put some of what we want into the pot and dont do anything that involves leaving the house before 10am unless for exceptional reasons. Usually we would do 5 late morning/lunchtime starts to 2 all day activities. Works well on city breaks.

If this is their only week of half term, I would compromise and insist on them being up and ready for a day out about half the time, lay around the other half. If they have a two week half term and the other week is going to be largely inactive, I would try for more days out doing stuff this week. Ready to leave the house at 10am is reasonable IMO.

I made dc get up at 5.30am on two days of our last holiday, and one of them was for an activity they weren't that bothered about doing but you had to catch the only bus of the day at 6.30! They weren't very impressed but put up with it as a one-off. If there's one really special thing that needs an early start in the week, I think that's fine, but not booking all day tickets multiple times unless it's for something that is more for them than you, e.g. water park (probably not in the UK in October, but it was the first thing that came to mind).

What kind of attractions are you visiting?

We compromised with DS 15 on a recent holiday. So the days there were activities planned it was generally stuff he wanted to do, so was ok to get up. On the other days DH and I would take the opportunity to go for a run or a walk round the town we were in.

Sound like completely normal teenagers to me.

@KingsleyShacklebolt

We had talked about things we'd like to do before leaving home. Don't mind, whatever, dunno.

Anyway we're off out now and they can sort themselves out!

So again, you need to communicate. Accepting those answers was never going to end well. We spend so much time researching areas and things to do - if I wasn't getting anything from mine I wouldn't even go on holiday. It's sounds utterly boring.

I wouldn't take my teens to a historic city - they'd be very bored!

For me, ,the key to successful holidays with teens is to tailor the holidays around them. I don't know what your teens are like, but I had a successful holiday with my 13 yo ds because we had activities planned that he liked - a climbing wall, skateboarding, a gaming session, museums that he liked too. Some nice lunches (for him - burgers) and a sprint around a gallery.

And it sounds smug, but I enjoyed it because he did. (It isn't my idea of fun to sit in a skate park in a very dodgy area of town).

my older teenage girls are tougher, but generally like shopping, galleries and places that are instagrammable (in this country - they're fine abroad).

This is totally normal teen behaviour. Just go out and get on with your day, our parents did, and came back early afternoon for us. The teenage body clock is different to an adult.

Not doing what you want to do, OP, is not being "lazy".
It's their holiday too, and everyone has a different idea of what the ideal way to relax is. As all pp have said, you need to find a compromise, maybe get them to agree to 1 or 2 day trips where they need to be up a bit earlier, but otherwise just do stuff that you want to do with your DH in the mornings and plan some family things in the late afternoons or evenings.

We have teens too and find that lots of communication is needed so we talk about where we're going and what might be of interest to them there. It does usually involve some sort of shopping and we now find the easiest way to tackle this is to do it very early on in the trip so they get their fix, plus they perk up planning on wearing whatever bits and pieces they get over the rest of the holiday and they also know that they've spent the majority of their money etc

We let them sleep on in the mornings and go out ourselves for breakfast / gallery etc or sometimes, if in an apartment, we might even have a lazy morning ourselves and get coffee / pastries and go back to bed to read etc.

We LOVE having teens who are now interested in coming out for dinner and sitting around chatting. We recently had a city break and after a couple of hours in Urban Outfitters / Bershka dc went back to the hotel and spent a few hours messaging pals and 'getting ready' while dh and i had a wander and then sat out and had 2 glasses of wine. Then we all met up and had a really amazing meal in a grown up restaurant and only got home after midnight. dc were all dressed up in the their new stuff and feeling very happy with themselves and we had the best conversations. I remember sitting there and thinking what a perfect evening it was and how I would remember feeling so happy just then.

Teens are hard at times but it's so important to do your best to connect with them - and it's so rewarding when it works!