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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Can you die from no sleep?

144 replies

Ineedsleephelp · 13/10/2021 00:35

I have a 3 week old and a 3 year old. Last night the 3 week old did a long stretch of sleep during which I was kept up by a poorly 3y old. This seems to have triggered massive anxiety around sleep and since then I have not been able to sleep. I lay awake all night. Its happening tonight again. They are both peacefully asleep now and I just can't sleep. I'm hot, sweaty and dizzy, starting to feel ill from lack of sleep after 3 weeks of limited sleep already. I'm so scared, if I become unwell what will happen to my DC? I feel like I won't survive unless I sleep soon but I just can't. I know I only have a couple of hours till baby needs a feed but I just can't freaking sleep. It's a horrible feeling and I'm freaking out.

OP posts:
Spidey66 · 13/10/2021 01:45

I can sympathise.....not because of babies/children but pain. 4 weeks ago I broke my humerus bone near the shoulder. 2 weeks after the accident I had surgery to put plates and screws in, meaning the pain got worse, though is now slowly improving, which has meant my sleep has improved although not yet perfect.

Over the past month I have had periods of about 4 nights at a time with 1-2 hours of sleep a night. The issue being lying down increased the pain so worsening the sleep. Bed then became associated with pain. My anxiety levels have been through the roof as it is but I was having all kinds of weird beliefs. I've got a sling which I'm supposed to wear 24/7 but its uncomfortable and i was convinced if i fell asleep with it on i wouldnt wake up. Strangely though I didn't take it off cos I was told to keep it on, I just stayed awake!

Our situations are different though....mine has improved with time, a change to my meds, and some sheepskin things i put on the straps of my sling to make it more tolerable. But i can definitely sympathise, sleep deprivation is quite literally a firm of torture. I've been properly knackered, exhausted, but unable to sleep longer than an hour or so.

Spidey66 · 13/10/2021 01:51

Oh try Audible, even if it's a story you've read before, then if you do not off it's ok if you miss part if the story. P
Wrt the phenergan advised by a pp, yes it works but if you're breastfeeding you might want to check with a pharmacist.

Spidey66 · 13/10/2021 01:52

Do nod off, not do not off.
You could also try mindfulness podcasts or you tube videos.

Zfactorstar · 13/10/2021 02:00

Actually you can die from lack of sleep. It's called Familial Fatal Insomnia and it's exceptionally rare, and only in small family groups, and is genetic. So OP, you are ok, you will be fine. But just to clarify it can happen.

Spidey66 · 13/10/2021 02:00

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/general_health/4357304-Im-terrified-Im-going-to-asphyxiate-in-my-sleep

Me 3 weeks back, prior to surgery so I can certainly sympathise with the anxiety sleep deprivation causes.

Goldbar · 13/10/2021 02:25

Is your DC working from home tomorrow? If not, can you afford to book a babysitter?

You won't die from no sleep but you really shouldn't be parenting two small children after all night awake unless there really is no alternative.

Goldbar · 13/10/2021 02:25

DH

Hoesbeforebroes · 13/10/2021 02:54

@Ineedsleephelp

Thank you that's reassuring. I'm gutted as I'd mentally been in such a good place since DD was born, I could fall back asleep within seconds after settling her. It just took one bad night and now my mind is my own worst enemy and it scares me.

I fell asleep earlier listening to hypnosis but the baby woke 30 mins later and as I was drifting back off my 3 y old cried for me so it was a repeat of last night and now my anxiety is through the roof.

There is DH but he can't feed the baby and my 3y old told him to go away when he went to settle him and he only wanted me.

The pressure is immense.

If you're feeling the way you do, I don't think your 3yo should be calling the shots. He's old enough to be told that mummy is sleeping and he has a choice between going back to sleep by himself, or having daddy keep him company.

I know it's hard to have perspective when you're that exhausted, but honestly, nothing terrible will happen if you just leave them to it next time.

Nancydrawn · 13/10/2021 03:04

@Spidey66

Oh try Audible, even if it's a story you've read before, then if you do not off it's ok if you miss part if the story. P Wrt the phenergan advised by a pp, yes it works but if you're breastfeeding you might want to check with a pharmacist.
Was just about to say this. Actually, it's even better if you have read the story before, because then you're not trying to stay awake to see what happens. I can listen to Pride and Prejudice basically every night if needed -- it's calming and I have the app turn off after about 45 min, and I just start at a random chapter each time. Puts me to sleep in about 5-10 even when I'm sure I'll never sleep.
Jerrysgonnabeacableboy · 13/10/2021 03:11

I'm so sorry for what you're going through. It's torture!

I do think that being careful of your mental health and physical health around insomnia is perfectly valid and not scaremongering (though you're not going to die!).

Is it possible to see a GP for something to help you sleep or help with anxiety that is BF'ing friendly?

If not, then I agree with all the good suggestions in this thread, especially listening to a soothing audio book of a novel you have read before. It does make it so hard when you know you'll be jolted awake at any minute by the baby. It's also well and good to say your DH must deal with the 3 year old but if they scream the house down wanting you, it's hard to relax isn't it!

The only other thing is to trust and know that this is a phase of life which will pass eventually even though it's horrific now.

Vindo · 13/10/2021 03:32

I had this problem after having my first. I got so used to being woken up constantly that I just couldn't relax to go to sleep any more.

What worked for me was breaking the cycle by napping during the day. On my partner's day off or if my mum could come round they would take the kids for a walk and I was able to relax knowing I wasn't needed for a bit. After doing this a couple of times I felt more able to relax at night too. I also used to listen to audio books at night as I could do it with my eyes closed lying down and I felt like I was still resting.

Is there someone who could take both kids out for an hour or two? It made a huge difference.

LetHimHaveIt · 13/10/2021 03:36

In your circumstances, OP - no. There's absolutely no way on earth you'll die from a lack of sleep.

I'm surprised, though, that an advanced nurse practitioner has never heard of Fatal Familial Insomnia.

timeisnotaline · 13/10/2021 03:38

I think you need to tell your dh that you really need his help. Feed baby, turn some music on if that would hell and tell dh baby is fed and not to wake or disturb you for 2 hours. You need to know you’re not on the job to be able to relax.
And on the weekend if he can take them out for 2-3 hours then you sleep in an empty house.

Ophanim · 13/10/2021 03:39

I’m a terrible sleeper but I love a lady on YouTube. If you google ”tingting asmr” you’ll find her. She has a perfect whisper that is so soothing

Happyhappyday · 13/10/2021 03:46

I would recommend seeing your GP ASAP, just because they can prescribe something you can take while breastfeeding that is non addictive but will help you to get sleepy. I found when I had exactly the same problems that just knowing I had the medication that I could take made my insomnia much better. Sometimes I’d take it sometimes not but when I didn’t knowing I had the option was a big help.

CBT for sleep can also be incredibly helpful + with anxiety but I live abroad so saw a sleep dr privately on the usual insurance and I've got no idea what kind of wait list the NHS would have. You would be prioritized for therapy to help with the anxiety as a new mother though and would highly recommend. It’ll make a big difference with the anxiety and the pressure you mention, I felt it awfully too. It was really horrid.

Kajjjer93 · 13/10/2021 04:13

You won’t die, you’ll naturally fall asleep or your body will crash at some point.

I’m a series insomniac and go through periods like yours where sleep seems impossible and I get this same worry. Almost every time I get completely over tired after a few weeks/months of no/little sleep, I end up crashing out for a few nights and start building a routine again.

It’s horrible but you won’t die. If it goes on too long go to the doctors for support. 💐

Where4l · 13/10/2021 04:20

I remember this after my second.

Speak to your GP. They prescribed a short course of phenergan (which can also be bought OTC as sominex) and it really helped.

Your DH needs to take over for a few days / week so you can catch up on sleep and reset.

You will be ok, it's just a blip.

waterrat · 13/10/2021 04:31

I'm shocked that your DP is around and you were up with a 3 year old ! Sorry but thr 3 Yr old needs to be settled by daddy or you won't be well enough for day time playing.

The most helpful sleep tip I have is as you are already doing use lots of audio hypnosis etc younwill get relaxed and eventually sleep will improve

Dp needs to take over 3 ybr old for a full 24 hours while u have bed rest with baby

Belledan1 · 13/10/2021 04:41

Def do the sofa idea previously stated. That really helps me. I know you said you are warm but now bit colder stick hot water bottle under a thinner quilt whilst you are in the sofa. Makes you feel tired. I watch rubbish tv too. Going to try it now. I am lucky I not got small kids now so it is easier

AnotherMansCause · 13/10/2021 05:01

Quite surprised that a nurse has never heard of FFI, & dismissed it as ridiculous nonsense. However as the link says, it's a genetic disorder generally found in only 1 family. To spontaneously have the gene with no family history is vanishingly rare, hence only 1 family really suffering from it (and not even all of them).

OP - I second the recommendation to listen to audiobooks. Preferably of books you like & are familiar with. I've intermittently suffered with insomnia since first getting pregnant (DD is nearly 10) but audiobooks help a lot. Also, try different positions while laying in bed - it sounds silly & too simple to work, but I generally sleep better with my pillow at 45° angle & with my head & upper body sort of curled onto it. More comfortable & comforting somehow. I'm awake tonight because I've had a cold & my asthma is playing up.

fluckityfluckfluck · 13/10/2021 06:27

Valerian root saved my life OP I was very similar to you

HintofVintagePink · 13/10/2021 06:30

OP I hope you nodded off after your last post Flowers

Phyllis321 · 13/10/2021 06:32

It’ll be ok. My GP told me that the first months with a newborn are ‘very dark’. I was a bit shocked but it’s true.
Listen to an audiobook, podcast or white noise. Tell yourself resting is nearly as good as sleep.

Phyllis321 · 13/10/2021 06:33

..and phenergan is helpful.

TwilightSkies · 13/10/2021 06:40

Your DH needs to help. You shouldn’t be lying awake feeling like you’re falling apart while there is another capable adult in the house sleeping peacefully.
Let the baby have a few bottles at night, and insist he helps with the 3 year old.
You need support.