...to feel like rubbish around this person?

[Overtherainbow99]

There's another mum that I see every day at the school gates who always looks perfect, hair impeccable, make up flawless, always laughing and joking. And every day I see her I feel a bit more shit about myself.

I have spoken to her once or twice and she seems like a regular human being but I seem to have put her on a pedestal in my mind. She has now become The Super Mum. She has her own business and always looks great. I waddle along to the school gates looking like I've just climbed out of a bag for life.

Have let my grey hairs come through over lockdown (so much fuss and upkeep dyeing it!) and look frumpy in my glasses. She, obviously, suits glasses perfectly and has swishy, swishy shiny, shiny hair.

AIBU to hate myself around her?!

AIBU to hate myself around her?!

Yes.

As my old nana used to say, you're not better than anyone else but nobody is better than you.

You have no idea what is going on in her private life. She may have the perfect life, or it may be absolutely shit and she's just good at putting on a front.
People tell me I look nice, and am laughing and confident....if they could see how hard it is for me to even get out of bed sometimes, much less shower and pull a brush through my hair, they may think differently but I don't want them to see that, only my close friends know how hard life is at the moment.
If you have got to the stage you hate yourself then it's up to you to do something about it. Dye your hair, get some new glasses, be kinder to yourself. I bet you don't look anywhere near how you describe yourself x

I knew one of these and our kids were in the same class so we inadvertently ended up as friends even though we had very little in common apart from the kids sharing a class.

Honestly, she was so boring it was ridiculous. She'd fill me in on the tiniest detail of her mundane life and go on about ironing and shopping and the daily micro routine. She never wanted to hear anything about me either, it was all about her. I'm a bit fat and tatty, but at least I'm not dull and am a good listener 😃

Nicely, yabu!

What stonerosie said!

Comparison is the thief of joy. I know this gets trotted out a lot but it’s true really.

She may have everything and be beautiful and have hair like a my little pony and be funny, charming with an amazing business. But that doesn’t make you lesser, you should never feel bad about yourself by comparing yourself to others 💐 we all do it sometimes but it’s best to find joy in what you do have infront of you.

Aawww noo OP...

please don't let someone else's presentation make you feel like this..

make small changes to yourself for you.. just little things .. treat yourself to something you enjoy ..

bring a wee bit of sunshine to your own day 🌸

At our school, parents are very rarely fully made up, and no one wears anything that stands out as being smart. Surely this woman is the exception not the rule? Focus on the majority. Put a bit of mascara and lippy on if you can be bothered as it will give you a bit of confidence.

From someone who is amazing at masking my depression & social anxiety, don't go off appearances. What people present publicly is often a carefully crafted 'front'. Also, a box dye on your hair every 6 weeks & a conditioning treatment isn't really a faff if you feel your greys are doing you a disservice. Self care & making an effort to look presentable makes you feel good. Are you depressed, as self care is often the first thing to go then? Comparison is pointless. There's always someone richer, cleverer , prettier, younger . If you felt better about yourself you prob wouldn't compare so much. If you feel frumpy maybe watch some make up & hair tutorials on YT, experiment a bit , look at different glasses online ( way , way cheaper online) .

I promise you, she is a very fragile person frantically plastering over the cracks in her hell-life. Only approach if you have a penchant for charity /missionary work.

I think we may be envious of the same school mum 😱 there can't be 2 of these unnatural specimens in the world!

Seriously, I look at this women with her perfect hair and makeup, nice clothes and towering high heeled boots and think "how does she do it?!"

I have never actually spoken to this Supermum however, so I console myself with the thought that she might be a horrible person and therefore it doesn't matter how perfect she looks!

I knew it was going to be a school gate mum before I opened the thread.

As others have said, comparison is the thief of joy.

I swear that everyone feels like this on the school run OP.

Of course YABU. We are all different. Work on being happy with yourself. I think one of the best things we can do is stop focusing on our flaws and comparing ourselves to others. It is very freeing.

Yes, YANBU to hate yourself when around her, as you're clearly funny and entertaining. I can tell from the way you write. Is she funny and entertaining?

All these PP saying she's probably dull, fragile and has a shit life WTF. OP it doesn't matter what her life is like, this is your issue. There's no point comparing yourself to others, if you're not happy with yourself do something about it.

No need for people to hate on this lady, a few posts on here reek of jealousy. People can be gorgeous, well put together and lovely too!!

OP - you said you can’t be arsed with any fuss anymore. Beauty is not the be all and end all but you need to decide on whether it’s important to you. If it is, spruce yourself up a bit. Get yourself a box dye if that makes you feel better.

I am
Often told how well I look and that I seem so happy as I do loads of different things.

Like pp, I am often desperately waiting to take my next medication, hoping my Long Covid issues don't embarrass me as o work out where the nearest toilet is!

I just have a happy face, love meeting people and have years of practice at hiding the pain from working with the public.
I always take an interest in other people too,

Op Have a think about how you could feel better about how you look and feel!
I will never be the smart and groomed type but I have a great style and a hairstyle I love!

I find lipstick a great boost, in fact off to put some on now as I feel bloody awful today.

@bubbletrumps

I knew one of these and our kids were in the same class so we inadvertently ended up as friends even though we had very little in common apart from the kids sharing a class.

Honestly, she was so boring it was ridiculous. She'd fill me in on the tiniest detail of her mundane life and go on about ironing and shopping and the daily micro routine. She never wanted to hear anything about me either, it was all about her. I'm a bit fat and tatty, but at least I'm not dull and am a good listener 😃

I agree with @bubbletrumps. What’s more important humour, kindness and self awareness? Or having swishy hair and high heeled boots? What would you like to be remembered for? It doesn’t matter about her, she has her own path to walk. She’s irrelevant. You are important, it’s your path that you should think about.

Crawled out of a bag for life is pretty funny @Overtherainbow99
And exactly how I feel

Don't compare the outside of other people's lives with the inside of yours.

I read this on here. It's great advice. You've no idea what her life is actually like. She may have every reason to envy you.

Is your name Julia and her's Amanda?

Don't beat yourself up, you sound really funny and I bet people like to talk to you at school gates.

You don't know what's going on in her life, try not to compare and instead be grateful for the things in your own life, and make any positive changes you want to, for yourself, not to keep up with anyone else.

What will make you feel better about yourself? Concentrate on you, not her.

People assuming this person is awful or broken, what are your ‘guarantees’ based on?

Is your name Julia and her's Amanda?

Amanda does have lovely swishy hair

Why are people being cunts to this poor woman who hasn’t done anything wrong? Jesus Christ