AIBU? BF slept with other BF ex

[katie2812]

Need advice.

I found out my best friend had slept with my other best friends ex (only broke up two months ago after 5 year relationship living together). These two are super close. Even closer than I am to these two.

I couldn't not tell my best friend so I told her that what other BF did. She was distraught and angry, said these two people were people she trusted with her life.

I told my best friend, please do not say I told you, as I want to be there for both of you and don't want to fall out but couldn't not tell her what I found out.

AIBU to expect to continue to be there for both of them, but not telling my Bf that I was the one who told other bf? Part of me is like be honest, and say if it was other way round I would have done exact same for her? Or just continue as it is and be there for her knowing I was the one who told on her?

I'd have stayed well out of this one!

Arrogant, deluded, self-righteous, shit-stirring drama llama sticky beaks always get their comeuppance in the end.

@katie2812

I disagree. I don't think it's shit stirring or two faced etc. If it was me, I would want to know. And my friend was very thankful I told her. My question isn't whether it's cheating, I used wrong words. I think I will be honest with my other friend and explain I would've done same for her.

The trouble is everyone at her work knew, and everyone was scared to tell her. I couldn't be that person to not be honest and continue without telling her.

I don't know what you mean by "done the same for her". It's not like her bf is having an affair. It's her ex and this was a one night thing. It's in the past. There isn't anything to be gained by her knowing.

I also don't think it's in your control about her finding out it was you. She'll find out. Either she will figure it out or, more likely, your other friend will tell her it was you.

I do have my doubts about your intentions here but either way, I think this is going to backfire on you.

I shocked at the number of posters who think hearing of gossip third hand going on at another person’s work place is 100% going to be the gospel truth.

@FreedomFaith I find your reaction bizarre. They are no longer in a relationship. They are both single. There is no infidelity involved. How long do ex-partners get to control the relationships of their exes once they are no longer together? 2 months is apparently too short. Is 3 months acceptable? 6 months? 6 years? Never? It sounds controlling and bizarre.

You actually would jump into bed with your best friends ex 2 months after they split up after a long term relationship and expect them to be OK with it?

Having never been in this position I have no idea how another person would respond. It's clear from this thread, though, that some people overreach considerably into places/relationships where they have no business.

@minatrina

I completely agree that I couldn't have kept my mouth shut either in your position, OP. I couldn't not tell a best friend about something like that.

However, I think it all depends on how you reacted to your other BF telling you that she'd slept with him. If it were me, I'd have been totally honest and told her that whilst I love her and want to be there for her, I'm disappointed in what she's done and that I couldn't keep the secret. I'd have warned her that if she didn't tell your friend then I would.

She put you in a difficult position by telling you, but if you weren't honest with her about her behaviour and if you told her you'd keep it a secret, then she will be upset with you.

Sounds very messy though OP, I hope everything turns out okay and ultimately your friend deserved to know the truth

The friend hasn’t told her anything. The OP has listened to workplace gossip she hasn’t actually confirmed the facts with anyone before jumping in and stirring up shit.

Jesus with friends like you who needs enemies? You actually would jump into bed with your best friends ex 2 months after they split up after a long term relationship and expect them to be OK with it?

it's very seedy isn't it .... 🤢

Not sure you can fix this OP. You’re in a difficult situation.

Maybe next time you hear gossip just say you refuse to believe it, and then keep your mouth firmly shut. No one comes out of this kind of situation unscathed.

Your friend is being unreasonable to tell you in the first place, it was unfair of her to burden you with that information knowing you are close to your other friend too

@Bywayofanupdate

Your friend is being unreasonable to tell you in the first place, it was unfair of her to burden you with that information knowing you are close to your other friend too

She didn’t tell her. OP is spreading third hand work place gossip!

@ITSSSSCHRISTMASSS ooo I see 😬 that's what I get for not reading the whole thread lol!

@ABCeasyasdohrayme

Its not cheating but you want the benefit of sharing hurtful gossip without having anyone fall out with you about it.

Its a bit two faced to be honest. If you felt strongly enough to tell your friend then you should feel strongly enough to fall out with the other one.

This

[quote Percie]@FreedomFaith I find your reaction bizarre. They are no longer in a relationship. They are both single. There is no infidelity involved. How long do ex-partners get to control the relationships of their exes once they are no longer together? 2 months is apparently too short. Is 3 months acceptable? 6 months? 6 years? Never? It sounds controlling and bizarre.

You actually would jump into bed with your best friends ex 2 months after they split up after a long term relationship and expect them to be OK with it?

Having never been in this position I have no idea how another person would respond. It's clear from this thread, though, that some people overreach considerably into places/relationships where they have no business.[/quote]
It's not controlling the relationships of your ex partners. It's about you, as the FRIEND, having some resemblance of respect for your other FRIEND, to not go and shag their ex partner. My opinion is nothing really to do with how the ex feels, I think it's a scummy thing to do to shag an ex partner of my friends, especially 2 months after they split. This friend couldn't have proven any more that she doesn't care about her friends feelings and that she's been after him for quite a while. It's not infidelity, it's a betrayal of trust between friends really. The man, the ex, is nothing to do with it really other than being the guy involved.

Just think about the situation I proposed, what would you think if your friend was upset with you shagging their ex so soon? Would you care at all? It doesn't sound like it to be honest.

What if you'd had a partner that you loved, you split up, possibly leaving you very upset, then your best friend who's shoulder you've been crying on shags him behind your back, doesn't even ask if you'd mind if she asked him out. Would you care at all?

I would've told her too.

She'd likely find out anyway and be more hurt that you didn't tell.

I wouldn't want to be mates with the other as shagging a mates significant ex is a shitty way to behave.

@1FootInTheRave

I would've told her too.

She'd likely find out anyway and be more hurt that you didn't tell.

I wouldn't want to be mates with the other as shagging a mates significant ex is a shitty way to behave.

Would you not have confirmed it actually happened first instead of believing third hand gossip?

I'd have told her exactly what I knew and how I knew it.