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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed DP went ‘clubbing’

112 replies

Jessieabs · 09/10/2021 17:58

Last night my DP went out with his friends for dinner and some drinks. Glad he had a good time, but what has really annoyed me is he’s gone clubbing with his friends in a sweaty COVIDy nightclub where apparently there was 0 social distancing and hundreds of drunk people dancing around him.

For context, we live in an area where there are a LOT of COVID cases. He’s not exactly over the hill (29) but I feel irritated that he’s put as at risk and don’t know why he couldn’t just have had a night out without the clubbing part!

AIBU?

OP posts:
ChateauxNeufDePoop · 09/10/2021 21:55

[quote ReeseWitherfork]@ChateauxNeufDePoop telling her other half how she feels and why isn't doing anything wrong. Feeling don't need to be reasonable, they're just feelings. She didn't do anything.[/quote]
Sorry that's a cop out. Whilst having feelings is reasonable it's pretty obvious she's over reacting.

Dazzledrop · 09/10/2021 21:57

Think YABU here - if you’d both mutually agreed to some boundaries beforehand and he hadn’t stuck to them then of course fine to be annoyed, however it seems here you’re getting annoyed that he didn’t stick to an agreement you’d decided in your head and never communicated.

Summersun2020 · 09/10/2021 21:57

Don’t believe for one second this is about covid.
You sound jealous and controlling. Don’t blame him for “sulking” when you’ve told him off like a child. Yabvvvu.

ReeseWitherfork · 09/10/2021 22:00

@ChateauxNeufDePoop Overreacted by doing what?! By being frustrated? Why is she not allowed to feel frustrated and tell him that's how she felt? I don't get why that warrants an apology. Maybe if she'd flipped out at him but her own account says she wasn't angry.

ChateauxNeufDePoop · 09/10/2021 22:15

[quote ReeseWitherfork]@ChateauxNeufDePoop Overreacted by doing what?! By being frustrated? Why is she not allowed to feel frustrated and tell him that's how she felt? I don't get why that warrants an apology. Maybe if she'd flipped out at him but her own account says she wasn't angry.[/quote]
I get why you're focussing on how she's put her POV across and that's fair enough, my point is more around the fact its unreasonable to object to this at all. He's 29, double jabbed, if he (we) can't go to a club/bar/cinema in those circumstances then we never can. That's why the OP is wrong IMO.

ReeseWitherfork · 09/10/2021 22:31

@ChateauxNeufDePoop OK. Well I think people are welcome to have whatever comfort levels they want. But regardless, I sure as shit don't think anyone should be apologising for feeling frustrated, justified or not. Acting on those feelings is a different matter, but simply having them doesn't warrant an apology.

But I guess different strokes for different folks. My approach to such things works for my marriage and I'm sure yours does for yours.

WhereIsMumHiding3 · 09/10/2021 23:03

We're having our third covid vaccines now.....

If this had been posted during height of covid restrictions , with it being rule breaking at a time masks were socially necessary and compulsory still - fair enough.

But it's not. Your DP went out for a few drinks and then a nightclub. He's 29 so should be in fairly robust health snd assuming he didn't lick everyone he met, he'll be ok. He is living his life, after 18 months of severe restrictions.
Pandemic lockdowns caused such detriment to people's mental health that I'm glad we're getting back to a careful normal now.

Offmyfence · 09/10/2021 23:09

YABU

lisaandalan · 09/10/2021 23:55

I would be unhappy as well, when I go anywhere it has to be well ventilated, I do not travel on public transport and if my husband and I go out for a meal we sit outside.

Elieza · 10/10/2021 00:35

I avoid try to avoid situations where I might be exposed to covid if I can help it.

I only eat outside at restaurants and even then I barely go. I think twice this year.

I’d be frustrated if my partner and I had agreed this strategy to keep each other and dc away from risk and he went out jigging despite this.

I know someone who is double vaxd, no lung or heart issues prior, had covid and now apparently has long covid a month later and has barely been out of bed.

People seem to think double vaxd equals safe. It’s not. Safer yes. Safe no. Why risk it.

jimmyjammy001 · 10/10/2021 03:42

Sorry I'm with everyone else your being ridiculous, things are pritty much back to normal now with regards to "clubbing" we can't all go on afraid of going near strangers because of covid otherwise things will never get back to how they were

emlouwat · 10/10/2021 04:00

This isn't something that I could get worked up about. I'd be more angry about him ordering a solo takeaway tbh

lifehappened · 10/10/2021 04:02

Oh gosh, are people still this worried. Thought we were getting in with life now

lifehappened · 10/10/2021 04:02

Lol on

timeisnotaline · 10/10/2021 04:06

I’d never go to a supermarket again if everyone squished around me and spilled drinks on me.
I don’t understand the why are some people still just not living life approach. I’d rather just be a bit more cautious!

Siepie · 10/10/2021 04:23

[quote FatBettyintheCoop]@TheBlackArt

Not joking in the slightest.
The U.K. govt. has become extremely reckless lifting restrictions when it has the highest rates of Covid in Europe and not vaccinating children.

We still wear masks indoors and haven’t eaten in a restaurant in more than 2 years and have no desire to pretend everything’s hunky dory when it patently isn’t. 🤷🏻‍♀️[/quote]
If you haven’t been to a restaurant since before October 2019, you clearly just don’t like restaurants. That has nothing to do with covid.

morecheeseplz · 10/10/2021 04:47

Yeah I don't think this is about covid lol

Shoxfordian · 10/10/2021 06:27

It’s up to everyone to decide the level of risk they’re happy with but your dp hasn’t done anything wrong and doesn’t have to appease your anxiety

Papertrain63 · 10/10/2021 06:35

I don't think you have right OP to deny your partner of clubbing. Everyone's views are different on covid... its dragged on long enough. The point of vaccination was to try and get back to normal not to live as we was before.

WeRTheOnesWeHaveBeenWaitingFor · 10/10/2021 06:47

YABU
He’s being petty but you were wrong to make him feel bad for just having a night out. If you were my partner I’d feel suffocated and controlled.

Offmyfence · 10/10/2021 07:03

@lisaandalan

I would be unhappy as well, when I go anywhere it has to be well ventilated, I do not travel on public transport and if my husband and I go out for a meal we sit outside.
That'll be fun this winter!
Elieza · 10/10/2021 09:44

Andrew marr is on this morning and saying how it seems like the we’ve just decided the pandemic is over, however our covid stats are very high compared to the rest of Europe.

They are concerned re flu season as well as covid.

I think as the government has reduced its H&S measures as uptake of the vaccine has increased and spread is reduced, many have felt reassured. However it’s not over yet.

The government couldn’t have kept measures up any longer as furlough was costing a fortune and people wee starting to have their mental health affected. People are still dying of covid. It’s just we don’t hear about it as much because it’s fewer people.

If people are wanting to avoid covid they should be sensible about where they go and who they get close to. And adults should make family decisions about this, as it affects all in the household.

If they decide to ignore any potential precautions and live within the current rules and as pre-covid and accept the risks that come with it then that’s their choice. (Although not helpful for the nhs staff who need a break). But to make it unilaterally isn’t fair.

But if this is a control of the partner going out thing and covid is just as aside then the OP needs to think why she is so distrusting or whatever the issue about him going is.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 10/10/2021 09:57

YABU, it's his choice. I'm 31 and have been out clubbing, I'm not scared of Covid. We all have different views.

Ughmaybenot · 10/10/2021 10:11

I think YABU I’m afraid. Personally, I’d not take too kindly to the ‘I’m not angry I’m just disappointed’ stance from my husband if I’d taken the decision to go clubbing. As adults, we all have to make our own choices.

User135644 · 10/10/2021 13:43

Kick him out and make him quarantine in a hotel for 10 days. Why take the risk?