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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ten 14 year olds and no parents?

130 replies

Veuvelily · 09/10/2021 14:57

Would you let them?
They can all be a bit overexcitable

OP posts:
BananaPB · 09/10/2021 18:57

@GreyhoundG1rl

I would. But then I trust my kids. So what? There'll be 9 other people's kids there...
Plus how many of us know what our 14yo are like when there's no adults around ? I'm not naive enough to think he's the same as he is at home or when it's just one friend.
allthegoodusernameshavegone · 09/10/2021 19:24

Well it was a loooong time ago,I’m 49, but many a time mine or my friends parents would take a holiday for a week and we 14 /15 year olds would move in to keep said left teen company then during the school holidays we would all as a group go on camping holidays, usually by train or hire a mini bus from a taxi firm or generous Dad for a week with no parents present without issue. But our parents (now in their 70s) were of the generation that left school and went into apprenticeships at 14/15 so didn’t look upon us as so vulnerable, I don’t understand why we don’t put more trust and responsibility in our teens instead of hindering their natural development to grow up.

jobsagudden · 09/10/2021 19:33

It sounds as if you've got a pretty sensible one considering they've told you what the plans are. At 14 I would have told my parents I was doing something else and gone anyway.

I would trust them to go and make sure they have a phone on them and you can pick them up if there are any issues.

Maybe get some proof that the hosts parents are aware that there will be 10 kids at their house?

Buppers · 09/10/2021 19:35

@allthegoodusernameshavegone

Well it was a loooong time ago,I’m 49, but many a time mine or my friends parents would take a holiday for a week and we 14 /15 year olds would move in to keep said left teen company then during the school holidays we would all as a group go on camping holidays, usually by train or hire a mini bus from a taxi firm or generous Dad for a week with no parents present without issue. But our parents (now in their 70s) were of the generation that left school and went into apprenticeships at 14/15 so didn’t look upon us as so vulnerable, I don’t understand why we don’t put more trust and responsibility in our teens instead of hindering their natural development to grow up.
I'm even older than you, and we were far more 'free range' than children are now - but there is no way on Earth that my parents would have gone away and left us unsupervised at that age, and no way any of my friends' parents would have done, either. There were a few 'cool' girls whose parents occasionally left them unsupervised for a weekend, which would invariably end in tales of people vomiting, crying and having sex while trashing the absent parents' house. One of the particular offenders was a 'nice girl', or so her parents thought.

I was genuinely a very, very boring teenager who did nothing at all. Knowing what sorts of things teenagers get up to, though, suggest to me that even if you honestly think you can vouch for your own child, you absolutely can never vouch for their friends.

I say this after many, many long years of raising children to adulthood and almost-adulthood. And you wouldn't believe the number of times that the DC have said to me over the years (about such gatherings) variously: "But what could possibly go wrong?"; "But you like X, and it's at her house"; "but his mum will lock up the drinks" (which, obviously, means nobody will ever bring anything in); "OMG, you are so LAME, you're the ONLY parent who's like this" (when I know that's not true). Oh, and "You never give me ANY freedom" (this from a DC who was frequenting nightclubs with fake ID at 15). And so on...

Buppers · 09/10/2021 19:37

BTW, same DC who is now 17 came up with a cock and bull story the other day about a party at which the parents would be present. Curiously, the party was called off after so many other parents said they'd just like to check the veracity of this tale

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 09/10/2021 19:51

Depends, ds1 definitely not. Ds2 yes, although they are both a lot older than that now and ds2 still has them all round occasionally and they are fine (18) although I'm sometimes in

BlueSkyThunking · 09/10/2021 20:03

@Buppers

BTW, same DC who is now 17 came up with a cock and bull story the other day about a party at which the parents would be present. Curiously, the party was called off after so many other parents said they'd just like to check the veracity of this tale
OMG please tell me your 17 year old has some freedom. When I went to university there were some freshers who got into real trouble as they had never been allowed to do anything by their parents.
Missmissmiiiiiiiiisss · 09/10/2021 20:18

At 14 I was round lots of friends houses in those situations (mixed friendship group). There were no issues. But we also went round each other’s houses regularly in smaller groups and knew each other’s parents well.
Has to be based on the actual people involved.

RedHelenB · 09/10/2021 20:19

Of course I'd let them, they're 14 not 4!

TheWeeDonkey · 09/10/2021 20:21

@Muttly

What could possibly go wrong???
Poor Piggy Sad

No seriously, not a chance, its asking for trouble. a few years ago I posted here that my son wanted to go to a similar "sleepover", my spidey senses were tingling so I let him go for a couple of hours and then picked him up. I wanted a second opinion that I wasn't being an overbearing mum. I was shot down in flames including being advised that my son would leave home at the earliest oportunity and never speak to me again! Hmm.
Well, I picked him up, and the house and front garden were full of people. He was not happy until he found out that the party was broken up by the police. Damage included the boy's mum's car being trashed, doors taken off their hinges, holes in walls as well as the kind of damage already described here.

Like PP has said. Your child may be the most sensible teenager in existence, doesn't mean their friends are the same when let loose or that they remain sensible when under the influence of alcohol or other substances.

DeepaBeesKit · 09/10/2021 20:23

14 yr olds invited to a house for a evening of just hanging out. No special occasion, so no activity planned. Parents won’t be home til at a least midnight.

This happened when I was a teen and we called it.... a party. But not to our parents.
Tbf though we were a tame bunch, it was a mixture of messing around to music, silly spin the bottle games, making snacks/pizza, playing guitars and games. Wouldnt have gone til midnight at 14 though. 10pm if parents not in.

sofakingcool · 09/10/2021 20:30

It would depend on the children for me. 14 is, IMO, an age where they suddenly mature a bit, or some are still very young.

My eldest and his mates would have been no trouble at all. DS2 is on his way to that age and he'd have to massively transform to be trusted to not trash the house Hmm

DeepaBeesKit · 09/10/2021 20:33

Also I think kids these days are less bad on alcohol but worse for sexual issues due to too much exposure to porn etc. I'd be worried a girl would get pressured into stuff they didnt want to do.

Buppers · 09/10/2021 21:44

@BlueSkyThunking You presumably didn't read my other post, in which I said that the same DC has been falling out nightclubs since she was 15 using fake ID? There is a list a mile long of her escapades, which is why I don't trust her for a single second when she says that "the parents are going to be there". In some cases, she's been to parties with no parents there - but they are ones that aren't 20 miles out in the middle of nowhere. What I in fact say to her when she goes out is a) she and her friends have to stick together come what may; and b) she can always ring me if she really fucks up, and that the only consequence at that point will be that I will probably be grumpy if it's 3AM, but I will always collect her if she's in a real fix. There will be no blow-ups and no recriminations at that point, because the main thing is for her to know that she will always be safe and not have to contend with me going ballistic as well. Anything else can be discussed at a later point. She has done this twice, and has said both times that she's really glad that she has been able to do it.

I mentioned the other party because it was being held by a particular young person with a particular history for certain behaviours which would have made it an absolute no (and evidently did for other parents, too).

BlueSkyThunking · 09/10/2021 21:57

I read that post, I just think at 17 they need to be deciding for themselves if a situation is safe/suitable. It sounds like not enough supervision at 15 and in response too much at 17.

Sickoffamilydrama · 09/10/2021 22:08

@Bogofftosomewherehot

God - why the drip feed!!!???

I had 10 x 15 year olds at mine recently, boys and girls.
They stayed in our garden room - watched films, played games, had a BBQ, went for a walk and stayed overnight in a tent.

We were in the house but didn't interfere at all. They stayed up for most of the night.

Thing is, they're great kids, no alcohol, weren't too noisy and cleaned up after themselves.

So, depends on the kids. If I thought anyone would be pushing their luck I wouldn't do it.

Sounds like my DD friends this is exactly what they did recently.

Although I wouldn't leave them at this age and DD would hate to be left alone (even with friends) when it's dark. I could trust DD alone with a couple of close friends but getting above 2/3 no as you can't really know if they are trustworthy.

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 09/10/2021 23:11

From 14 we used to have parties in nightclubs or hotels, no idea looking back who booked it or why the owners of said establishments allowed 100 plus 14 year olds full access to the bar and why the bouncers preferred flirting with/shagging the girls instead of checking for ID (we were never asked how old we were but it must have been obvious). We all told our parents that there would be teachers at the parties. My friend's dad would drive 4 or 5 of us there and my dad would collect us, pissed, at 1am. Almost every weekend.

When I think about it in my 40s, and having spoken to my parents who confessed they knew we were lying about the adult supervision, it does make me question why this was the norm. The plus side is that I've never paid to get into a nightclub in my life, because I have always known the bouncers (I know the younger ones now through work rather than snogging them), but it's seedy and bad. 10 boys in a house seems tame in comparison.

GreyhoundG1rl · 09/10/2021 23:16

When I think about it in my 40s, and having spoken to my parents who confessed they knew we were lying about the adult supervision, it does make me question why this was the norm.
I don't imagine it was the norm for very many people, really...

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 09/10/2021 23:33

@GreyhoundG1rl no, probably not, but it was for my (private) school friends. The whole year (and sometimes those from the year above, or below) would be at these parties. They were at nightclubs in the middle of the countryside (one of which used to be a country club) or the city centre, and a hotel just outside the city centre. Venues where you can't imagine someone of our age having the wherewithal (or the money) to arrange the event, but then no adults were there to supervise, and nobody ever questioned this.

GreyhoundG1rl · 09/10/2021 23:34

Yeah, (private) school has nothing to do with it. Really.

mumsiedarlingrevolta · 09/10/2021 23:36

What could possibly go wrong?

Hopefully there is an unattended swimming pool, lots of vodka and some quad bikes...

Rainbowqueeen · 09/10/2021 23:51

No
The likelihood of someone posting about it on social media and a bunch of extras turning up is huge. So even if I knew the 10 kids and their families really well and trusted them all it would be a no

Saoirse82 · 09/10/2021 23:54

Depends on the kids, me at 14 no chance in hell.

AMCoffeePMWine · 10/10/2021 00:02

@Veuvelily

14 yr olds invited to a house for a evening of just hanging out. No special occasion, so no activity planned. Parents won’t be home til at a least midnight. No other adult present Boys not particularly sensible and can be very silly and excitable ime.
I’d rather have 10 German shepherd puppies loose in the house unsupervised
MoiraNotRuby · 10/10/2021 08:14

@AndNoneForGretchenWieners

From 14 we used to have parties in nightclubs or hotels, no idea looking back who booked it or why the owners of said establishments allowed 100 plus 14 year olds full access to the bar and why the bouncers preferred flirting with/shagging the girls instead of checking for ID (we were never asked how old we were but it must have been obvious). We all told our parents that there would be teachers at the parties. My friend's dad would drive 4 or 5 of us there and my dad would collect us, pissed, at 1am. Almost every weekend.

When I think about it in my 40s, and having spoken to my parents who confessed they knew we were lying about the adult supervision, it does make me question why this was the norm. The plus side is that I've never paid to get into a nightclub in my life, because I have always known the bouncers (I know the younger ones now through work rather than snogging them), but it's seedy and bad. 10 boys in a house seems tame in comparison.

I'm in my 40s too. From age 15 we were going clubbing, occasionally with a shitty forged ID but usually not even asked about age. It was just accepted. We would get absolutely shit faced and then at closing time jump in a car with whatever group of men one of us had snogged. Back to theirs for a party and eventually back to our friend's dads house who didn't care what time we rolled in.

Then home to our parents saying we'd had a lovely sleepover and rented Ghost from blockbuster again.

How none of us got raped and murdered I will never really know. Its shocking when you look back.