Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To politely decline gifts that won’t be used?

99 replies

IcedCoffeeAlways · 08/10/2021 20:43

We have a family member that moved closer to us a few months ago and now visits us maybe 3ish times per month. We have a DS who is 11months and each time the family member visits she brings something for him.

The first couple of times it was small toys and I thanked her but politely told her that she really doesn’t need to bring something when she visits. Ive since been a bit more forward and asked her to please stop bringing things - but she won’t stop.

It’s not just toys though, a few weeks ago it was babygrows from John Lewis. DS is 11m and walking and hates having things on his feet in the house. He doesn’t even like his feet covered in bed. I told her this and said it was a lovely gesture but she really doesn’t need to buy him gifts and I asked if she was able to just return them as I knew they’d go to waste.
Today she arrived with dummies - 6 MAM dummies and 2 dummy clips. My DS doesn’t use dummies - he’s never been interested in them. I asked her to return them.

I could tell she was pretty offended today when I asked her to return them but I have no idea what else to do! I’d feel awful taking the things that I know are just going to sit in a drawer or be donated - I’d rather she got her money back for them. Am I being awful? I feel terrible to have offended her.

OP posts:
LittleBearPad · 08/10/2021 20:46

The dummies is odd.

Baby grows you could have swapped at JL or used in the winter when it’s chilly.

Standrewsschool · 08/10/2021 20:54

I was going to say it’s rude to refuse gifts, thinking you were talking about birthday gifts etc. However, in your circumstance, I think you’re doing the right thing. It’s nice to buy a token gift when you first meet a child, but not after that (except for birthdays etc).

Also, Who buys dummies for another persons child ?!

StoneofDestiny · 08/10/2021 20:57

Just donate them to mother and baby charities or similar.

speakout · 08/10/2021 21:00

Smile and donate.

Underbox · 08/10/2021 21:00

She's being very kind but obviously not quite getting the message from you. Keep saying thanks but no thanks, however if she continues just donate the items to a charity.

ThreeLittleDots · 08/10/2021 21:01

Graciously thank and donate on

TuftyMarmoset · 08/10/2021 21:02

She obviously wants to buy presents - could you hint at things which would be appreciated, so that she could get them instead? Eg vests or something.

Seriallover · 08/10/2021 21:03

Just donate it all. Stop making a fuss.

wetfloor · 08/10/2021 21:05

I have a mother in law who does this. Buys utter crap that clogs up my home. We have to politely keep saying no thank you. She doesn't get the message. So I store it away and take it to the charity shop or sell it on and use the money for stuff that is useful.
If you've told her several times no thank you and she hasn't taken the hint then just charity shop it.

EgSk · 08/10/2021 21:06

One of my best friends is like that ! She loves to give gifts and it’s what makes her the happiest . It’s really sweet of her although like you I get some stuff we don’t use . I don’t mind . I donate what we don’t use and make sure to send her pics of the stuff we do use .

user64323 · 08/10/2021 21:06

Is this a grandmother? Because this is exactly what grandparents do in my experience, and I think you should just accept and pass things on you won't use. If it's not a grandmother then I might not be so gracious.

Kitkat151 · 08/10/2021 21:06

Charity shop...no fuss...no one gets upset....some people just don’t
Iisten.....but it doesn’t need to be a drama

thatsnotmyzoo · 08/10/2021 21:07

I don’t think you are being awful, you’ve told her and it’s fallen on deaf ears. Being honest with her is better than accepting the gifts only to donate them as soon as she leaves.

vincettenoir · 08/10/2021 21:09

I think you are dealing with it in the right way. Hopefully she will get the message.

lifecoachingandotherbollocks · 08/10/2021 21:09

Why don’t you just take back what you can and sell/give away the rest. I think its pretty annoying that shes stepping over your boundaries though!

Bluntness100 · 08/10/2021 21:11

Personally I’d find this incredibly rude, just say thanks and donate to charity, is it your mother or sister in law?

Caspianberg · 08/10/2021 21:11

It’s a lost cause. I just take now, say thanks and picture if possible and pass on to charity unopened half the time.

Ds just received some tiny socks from family member, age 0-6 months, as ‘socks stretch’. He’s almost 18 months. They will barely cover his toes!

MsWalterMitty · 08/10/2021 21:15

Depends what’s more important to you…. Upsetting her or being honest

Leftphalange · 08/10/2021 21:15

Just take them, say thank you, and either donate or swap them for something else. I agree it's not really a big deal or worth any drama

DrWankincense · 08/10/2021 21:18

No way, fuck that.
I used to do the polite thing. Sure I'll take (usually regifted) your crap and make it my problem.
Now I am very matter of fact. Thanks but no thanks, don't need it, don't want it, no I don't know anyone else who'd want it, please take it away or return it.
Does my head in!

Rubyupbeat · 08/10/2021 21:19

I think it is rude and hurtful to decline a gift. She probably finds it really exciting to buy bits for the baby.
Just accept with grace and decide what to do later.

MrsMose911 · 08/10/2021 21:21

Donate to charity shops and FIND

FlamesEmbersAshes · 08/10/2021 21:22

Just say thank you and donate to your local woman’s refuge.

Arghlife · 08/10/2021 21:23

I know some people are saying it's rude to not accept gifts, or you should just take it and then donate it....but surely it's rude of your friend to not actually listen to you? Just say no, or suggest certain things that would be helpful

HPmagic · 08/10/2021 21:25

Why should op have to keep making trips to charity shops when she has asked the person to stop buying gifts. You have to be blunt with her unfortunately