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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My mum is ‘anxious’ about taking my son to nursery - something I knew nothing about

93 replies

tobeweirdedoutbythisss · 08/10/2021 19:50

My mum sees my DS, a toddler once a week, sometimes less. She usually has him for a couple of hours after nursery.

He is in nursery 3 days per week. She can be quite overbearing.

Today my sister told me that my mum had been speaking to one of her friends, who has a child. This friend had been planning on taking her child to a toddler group. My sister said my mum had been planning to go too... with my son?

She showed me some messages that explained how my mum didn’t have my son at that point because she was ‘too busy with work’ (?), but that they definitely need to take the kids to toddler group together to ‘ease each other’s anxiety about being new’.

AIBU to be feeling completely unnerved by this? I had no idea she was evening looking at toddler groups let alone feeling ‘anxious’ about taking my son to one.

How do I approach this?

OP posts:
AdmissionsTimeline · 08/10/2021 19:52

I’m so confused as to why you are concerned?

kitkatsky · 08/10/2021 19:53

Why is it a problem?

Stompythedinosaur · 08/10/2021 19:54

It doesn't sound like she is anxious about the nursery.

It sounds like she wants an excuse to hang out with her friend, which makes total sense.

GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 08/10/2021 19:55

Gosh I can't even understand what you're trying to say let alone why you're worried.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 08/10/2021 19:55

Why is your sister sending you messages your mother has sent a friend?

And what is your worry about your mother taking your DC to a toddler group?

I feel like we are missing some info here.

Original poster
tobeweirdedoutbythisss · 08/10/2021 19:56

Sorry, I posted without enough info. We have had to cut contact in the past due to becoming very possessive, putting me down as a mum, being very cruel during postnatal depression, doing ‘firsts’ with him without me knowing, not allowing me to make decisions for my son. So hearing and seeing this makes me weary

OP posts:
PinkCricket · 08/10/2021 19:56

She sounds lovely! And having him after nursery for a few hours is lovely. And every week - Im envious 🥰.

I hope she knows how much you apprecuate her

CelloYouveGotABass · 08/10/2021 19:57

Could just be that she was mirroring what the other person was saying to normalise being anxious and support them

StripeyBadger · 08/10/2021 19:57

I think that you either trust her to look after your child or you don’t.

CelloYouveGotABass · 08/10/2021 19:57

But as others have said, I’m not sure it sounds like an issue…

Katerurn · 08/10/2021 19:57

So, she wants to take your son to a toddler group but is feeling anxious? I don't understand your issue here, groups can be daunting especially for grandparents. I think it's a lovely idea, or am I just totally confused?

PinkCricket · 08/10/2021 19:58

Oh crisspost. Sounds like you're both a bit difficult. But its good shewants to beinvolved.

Original poster
tobeweirdedoutbythisss · 08/10/2021 19:58

Maybe I’m overthinking it. Just scared the same thing is happening again after getting past some stuff and giving another chance.

OP posts:
PinkCricket · 08/10/2021 19:59

But from what you've said she sounds hands on, regular contact, interested. I wouldn't give that up - so many people don't have that.

ThirdElephant · 08/10/2021 19:59

Ask her about it?

GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 08/10/2021 19:59

Wary of what though? You obviously know she's looking after him (she hasn't abducted him?) and she's providing an activity (not a new one since he already goes to nursery 3 days a week) to keep him entertained.

If you don't trust her then don't let her have him.

lynntheyresexpeople · 08/10/2021 19:59

I don't get what you're worried about. She's wanting to take him to toddler group with a friend but Is anxious about it - that's literally it? Why on earth is that a concern? How is that anything to do with being overbearing??

Original poster
tobeweirdedoutbythisss · 08/10/2021 20:00

I can’t ask her about it. She will go mad that my sister has told me, and I can’t deal with her becoming really nasty again

OP posts:
Original poster
tobeweirdedoutbythisss · 08/10/2021 20:01

I’ve left too much out of this post. Maybe mumsnet can take it down so I can write a new one with all info? How do I do that?

OP posts:
DinaofCloud9 · 08/10/2021 20:02

Do you think she won't take your son to nursery but will go to a toddler group with him instead?

JapanJetplane · 08/10/2021 20:02

This on its own doesn’t sound concerning (my mum and MIL are both planning to take my son to playgroups when they have him in a few months for childcare) but given your mum’s history I see why you’re worried.

If you aren’t happy for her to take him to playgroups you’ll just have to say no when she asks. If she would take him without telling you you’ll have to stop her having him on her own.

Original poster
tobeweirdedoutbythisss · 08/10/2021 20:03

It’s that she is doing it without telling me that has made me worried. She’s been telling other people but I knew nothing about it.

OP posts:
DinaofCloud9 · 08/10/2021 20:07

She doesn't seem very kind to you. Are you worried about her influence on your son? Can you let her see him when you're there too.

SmileySandwich · 08/10/2021 20:08

If you don't trust her then don't let her look after your son.

ButterflyAway · 08/10/2021 20:10

Why are you allowing her to care for him?