My mum hates my business - who IBU?

[Oopsnamechangex]

Five years ago my mum started a business, which includes a certain service that I am experienced in.

Six months ago, I decided to stop freelancing for places and start my own business. Due to the nature of the business (PR and marketing), we offer a similar service as an add-on. This is very normal for PR agencies.

My mum doesn’t work in PR - she’s in a completely different industry, however also offers a similar service as an add-on.

My mum had always told me about her successes and I’ve always celebrated for her, however last night she noticed an advertisement I had placed on Instagram, which included information about this service.

I received a print screen and a text asking what I was doing, and since when had I offered this service, because this is what she does. I explained that it was similar but not the same service - and we had been offering this since the start of our opening, which she was previously aware of, as it is what part of our team specialise in.

I then received a phone call telling me ‘not to step on her toes’ in a threatening way. She then became very sarcastic and now, if anything good happens regarding my business, she rolls her eyes and moves the conversation on so I’ve stopped telling her.

AIBU to feel a bit hurt? As I mentioned we are not in the same industry and therefore it shouldn’t matter if we offer (a small part) of a similar service with a completely different clientele.

Or is she justified in feeling angry?

I hope this makes sense.

It’s not like bespoke dinosaur cakes. Your mum sounds awful! I’m really sorry. I can’t imagine being like this with my children.

No - I don’t want to out her business but it is just a very small part of our business which is still very relevant and very common for most businesses at that.

It’s a bit confusing but I think I get the jist. You’ve effectively started a strain of your business that competes with your mum and you’re surprised she’s annoyed?

I can't imagine every being like that with my child. I think it's really sad.

No it doesn’t compete with her at all as we are in two separate - and completely different industries. Really hard to explain without outing her business.

It’s also a part that I’ve worked in for 9 years, just as freelance, so it’s not at all new!

Really depends on what it is. I think it's hard to say without knowing as you say they aren't similar, but it does seem like they are?

i can't imagine setting up a business & offering a service as a rival to my mum. And then not understanding why she's miffed.

And it doesn't matter how long you've done it. Look at it from her POV.

As I said it’s not a rival at all - sorry I haven’t made it clear in my post as it’s a really complicated situation. But I understand your points

What you mean is

You: supply spare left wings for meadow larks and, as a sideline, a fitting service for meadow lark boots.

Your mum: bakes purple cakes for yellow dinosaurs and, as a sideline, offers a fitting service for dinosaur boots.

Same sideline service, different client base. Little, if any crossover.

Your mum is being daft. But, depending on how well/close you normally get in, you might want to make the effort, be the adult, and have a proper conversation with her about the lack of conflict.

Good luck

With all due respect OP, and I do get why you don't want to share details, this is a situation that feels impossible for MNetters to asses without knowing what it is. It really does sound with the info you've given as if you've started a business that covers an offshoot part of her business, although not the main part of it.

Whatever your business is your mum seems to think you will be 'stepping on her toes' did you really not consider this beforehand?

Is it a bit like she designs cakes to order for weddings, and you have a cafe with a takeaway cake section? So broadly different offerings, different clientele but some similarities?

Or is it like she designs wedding cakes to order, and you have started up a catering company including weddings/wedding cakes

Where do you think she’s coming from on this?

• she actually does think you’ll be after the same clients?
• she jealous that you’ll do it better?

Her reasoning would change my response. If she genuinely but mistakenly thinks the former, I’d understand her anger! And it’s possible to talk it through and resolve it.
If it’s the latter, then it’s coming from a whole other unreasonable place!

Christ alive, why all the cake analogies?!
Women do set up businesses that don’t involve baking.
I assumed it was online technical services.

Are you advertising globally - therefore it's surprising dM saw your ad or are you both advertising in the same space?

Your mother sounds horrible, and I'm betting this isn't the first time she's behaved like this.

Not advertising in the same space at all!

Threads like this make me laugh - not the situation but you have given enough info that anyone (including your mum) who knows you will probably recognise you but not enough info that anyone on this forum can help you with!

FWIW it doesn't sound like you have done anything wrong - I would be uncontactable to your mum for a few weeks then arrange a sit down with her and explain how her reaction has made you feel. It does sound like she has gone over the top, could there be issues with her business you are not aware of making her act out of character?

It seems like she sees it as a bigger deal than you do, are you sure this service doesn't make up a larger portion of her revenue than you think?

from what I've read about your and your mother's tank welding businesses, you seem to be implying that since you are the absolute professional and have been doing it for years, she's somehow inferior? (it's how it comes across to me, this is the internet, your mileage may vary) and maybe she is inexperienced and worried what this will mean for her business.

And if you didn't tell her before - why wouldn't you anyway? it may have come as a bit of a shock, and your secrecy around it may worry her more.

Have a go at looking at it from her pov.

Some PP here have been really horrible about your mum. Jeez people.

So along the lines of your mum builds websites and you offer an SEO content writing service type affair? (Not that, but that sort of thing!)

If there any way your businesses can support each other?

No secrecy, she has been aware from the beginning, and no, I don’t think she’s inferior - more the other way around if anything

I do sports press releases, I wouldn't see myself as in conflict with someone who did fashion press releases - is it something like that?

Can you describe it with an analogy like the excellent Samphire’s meadowlark/dinosaur boots?

I’m imagining it’s some sort of social media related ‘service’ but for different industries/clients?