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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My mum hates my business - who IBU?

105 replies

Oopsnamechangex · 08/10/2021 15:15

Five years ago my mum started a business, which includes a certain service that I am experienced in.

Six months ago, I decided to stop freelancing for places and start my own business. Due to the nature of the business (PR and marketing), we offer a similar service as an add-on. This is very normal for PR agencies.

My mum doesn’t work in PR - she’s in a completely different industry, however also offers a similar service as an add-on.

My mum had always told me about her successes and I’ve always celebrated for her, however last night she noticed an advertisement I had placed on Instagram, which included information about this service.

I received a print screen and a text asking what I was doing, and since when had I offered this service, because this is what she does. I explained that it was similar but not the same service - and we had been offering this since the start of our opening, which she was previously aware of, as it is what part of our team specialise in.

I then received a phone call telling me ‘not to step on her toes’ in a threatening way. She then became very sarcastic and now, if anything good happens regarding my business, she rolls her eyes and moves the conversation on so I’ve stopped telling her.

AIBU to feel a bit hurt? As I mentioned we are not in the same industry and therefore it shouldn’t matter if we offer (a small part) of a similar service with a completely different clientele.

Or is she justified in feeling angry?

I hope this makes sense.

OP posts:
JuneOsborne · 08/10/2021 15:42

Your mum is threatened by you. Which is weird. But, if you're better at the similar sideline, understandable.

Just keep business talk off the cards.

Original poster
Oopsnamechangex · 08/10/2021 15:43

@LittleBipper exactly but we’re also in two different industries so she isn’t in PR

OP posts:
Watchingyou2sleezes · 08/10/2021 15:43

Couldn't be arsed t RTT, tell her to do one, dog eat dog blah blah

Or...
You could both bite the bullet sit down and work out where you can refer work to each other and share costs on lead generation

Original poster
Oopsnamechangex · 08/10/2021 15:44

I have attempted to work with her also. Sorry, trying to keep up with replies

OP posts:
Original poster
Oopsnamechangex · 08/10/2021 15:46

I’ve outed it enough so might as well do so:

She builds websites, manages her clients Facebook

I work in PR, manage our clients Instagrams

she works with a range of clients, we only specialise in fashion and beauty

OP posts:
Cocomarine · 08/10/2021 15:46

@Oopsnamechangex

I have attempted to work with her also. Sorry, trying to keep up with replies
If you have attempted to work with her, wouldn’t that suggest to her that there is potentially more client crossover than you’re suggesting? Or that she might reasonably think so?
ShowMeTheSugar · 08/10/2021 15:47

Cocomarine its got fuck all to do with them being women Hmm baking a cake is a universally understood, simple concept whereas examples like is it saas in risk vs client hosted apps for legal documents might not be something OP can easily compare it to.

No need to be obtuse about that

CSJobseeker · 08/10/2021 15:50

@Oopsnamechangex

I’ve outed it enough so might as well do so:

She builds websites, manages her clients Facebook

I work in PR, manage our clients Instagrams

she works with a range of clients, we only specialise in fashion and beauty

Ok, so a fair bit of crossover then? Managing Facebook for a client is marketing/PR.
Cocomarine · 08/10/2021 15:51

@Oopsnamechangex

I’ve outed it enough so might as well do so:

She builds websites, manages her clients Facebook

I work in PR, manage our clients Instagrams

she works with a range of clients, we only specialise in fashion and beauty

That sounds like a big crossover! If she does a range, she could be interested to pick up fashion and beauty too. If she manages client Facebook accounts then she is one step away from a “yes” to a client who says, “can you take on my Insta too?”

I’m not saying she has the experience to take on Insta, it’s a different beast to Facebook. But not that different.

Based purely on what you’ve said there, I’d say there’s a definite potential crossover.

All’s fair in love and business, so I’m not excusing her being shitty when you’ve always done this and celebrated her successes. But if I were her I might be cross you weren’t acknowledging it. Why wouldn’t she manage a fashion client’s Insta?

Cocomarine · 08/10/2021 15:52

@ShowMeTheSugar

Cocomarine its got fuck all to do with them being women Hmm baking a cake is a universally understood, simple concept whereas examples like is it saas in risk vs client hosted apps for legal documents might not be something OP can easily compare it to.

No need to be obtuse about that

I’m not being obtuse, and I’m all for an easily understood example. But honestly if we were talking about 2 men do you think the go to example would have been baking?
NoSquirrels · 08/10/2021 15:52

Does she build for a general small-business clientele? So there is sometimes crossover?

Anyway, she’s being silly. Ignore it or thrash it out.

toomuchlaundry · 08/10/2021 15:52

Could you work together, as does seem quite similar?

CandyLeBonBon · 08/10/2021 15:53

Ok, so a fair bit of crossover then? Managing Facebook for a client is marketing/PR.

Not really. There's a huge range of variables. Also marketing is not the same as PR

VerveClique · 08/10/2021 15:54

I really really wouldn't get worked up about it.

I had thought it was PR with Webdesign, and then something else with web design.

There are thousands of companies offering what you both offer.

And millions of potential clients.

Unless you are pretending to be her business then just do your thing.

Ideally you would help each other out. But if you can't or don't want to, that's totally fine.

If her next door neighbour started up something similar, would she be as upset? Probably not, and either way, she'd just have to live with it.

Carry on as you are.

Feelslikealot · 08/10/2021 15:56

I can see why she's annoyed, if the first she knew was seeing an advert as maybe it looked like you were competing with her, maybe she flew off the handle and now she doesnt know how to row back. but managing social media accounts is an extremely standard service. There's literally thousands of businesses offering that as part of packages. Neither of you are doing anything new or different in that respect.

Any chance she feels like you've nicked her design/ brand aesthetic or marketing ideas?

Cocomarine · 08/10/2021 15:56

She might be jealous of the Insta vs Facebook thing.

I suspect I’m more your mum’s age than yours. My own teen daughter takes the piss if she sees me on the desperately uncool Facebook 🤣 She would think I was dull managing fb accounts but cool for managing Insta 😉

ShowMeTheSugar · 08/10/2021 15:57

Cocomarine yes, that's my point. Its an easily understood, universal concept

PRsecrets · 08/10/2021 16:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MargosKaftan · 08/10/2021 16:01

Before you went freelance, did you work for a pr company or in house doing the PR for just one company? Did you previously work somewhere that social media was managed by you / your employer for clients?

I think you should have a chat with her that you are sorry you didn't explain properly, but PR companies these days aways include offering to manage social media accounts for clients. That you don't offer building websites which what you have always assumed was her core business.

MzHz · 08/10/2021 16:01

Your mum is out of line.

Viviennemary · 08/10/2021 16:02

I think its quite cheeky of you doing this to your DM. Then pretending you are doing nothing wrong when she obviously thinks you are.

TheCatterall · 08/10/2021 16:03

Facebook and Instagram need very different strategies. You have different audiences. You probably have different ways of marketing yourselves and different appeal factors to the clients. She’s being insecure and needs to give her head a wobble.

Sounds like only difference is - you are doing the exact same services you have offered for 9 years as a freelancer and that she has always been aware of - but you are now doing it as a busines/company.

I’m self employed. I get it. I have people offering similar services to me but on the whole we all get on and help each other out as we all approach things differently and have different appeal to our clients.

If she’s so insecure in her business it speaks volumes about her own insecurities etc rather than you. YANBU

ShowMeTheSugar · 08/10/2021 16:04

It sounds like the definition of managing client accounts might be different between the two of you? Hers more administrative and your more focused on content?

I'd say based on that YANBU. The service is a logical add on in your industry and it has been something you've been doing a while.

ChargingBuck · 08/10/2021 16:06

@Brefugee

i can't imagine setting up a business & offering a service as a rival to my mum. And then not understanding why she's miffed.

And it doesn't matter how long you've done it. Look at it from her POV.

For crying out loud I can't understand how PP are so confused about this.

OP & her DM both do marketing/PR type stuff.

DM - e.g. - does PR for florists & grocers.
OP - e.g. - does PR for haulage companies & van hire places.

Similar, roles, different industries, no toe-stepping or poaching going on.

LaetitiaASD · 08/10/2021 16:07

You mum sounds MAD, OP.

Hypothetical scenario. You mother lives on a small island and runs a hair salon - the only one on the island. She starts to get busy and you end up moving back home and helping her and serving an apprenticeship. The moment you know what you're doing you set up in direct competition and - due to restricted customer numbers - her business suffers a lot. If that is what happened she'd have a fair bit of a case to be annoyed, but even then you're her daughter and she should be trying to help you a bit.

In your example you do PR for fashion, and if your client wants IG management too then you'll offer it.

She does web design for anyone, and if her client wants facebook management too then she'll offer it.

SHe hasn't got a leg to stand on. The idea that she'll lose work because one of her potential web design clients happens to work in fashion, happens to find your business, and decides to go down the PR / IG route rather than plan A which was web design and facebook
seems extremely low.