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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

My mum hates my business - who IBU?

105 replies

Oopsnamechangex · 08/10/2021 15:15

Five years ago my mum started a business, which includes a certain service that I am experienced in.

Six months ago, I decided to stop freelancing for places and start my own business. Due to the nature of the business (PR and marketing), we offer a similar service as an add-on. This is very normal for PR agencies.

My mum doesn’t work in PR - she’s in a completely different industry, however also offers a similar service as an add-on.

My mum had always told me about her successes and I’ve always celebrated for her, however last night she noticed an advertisement I had placed on Instagram, which included information about this service.

I received a print screen and a text asking what I was doing, and since when had I offered this service, because this is what she does. I explained that it was similar but not the same service - and we had been offering this since the start of our opening, which she was previously aware of, as it is what part of our team specialise in.

I then received a phone call telling me ‘not to step on her toes’ in a threatening way. She then became very sarcastic and now, if anything good happens regarding my business, she rolls her eyes and moves the conversation on so I’ve stopped telling her.

AIBU to feel a bit hurt? As I mentioned we are not in the same industry and therefore it shouldn’t matter if we offer (a small part) of a similar service with a completely different clientele.

Or is she justified in feeling angry?

I hope this makes sense.

OP posts:

LopsidedWombat · 08/10/2021 17:01

YANBU. Is this out of character for her or is your relationship difficult in other ways? I do think that's relevant, if the former then in your shoes I'd either try and sit down and have a conversation about it to clear the air or just make a boundary of not discussing work with her and chalk it up to her insecurities.

Oneborneverydecade · 08/10/2021 17:01

@speakout do you sell sex toys?

OP YANBU social media management is hardly niche though I'm not sure how you thought you were going to be outing her business?

Bellyups · 08/10/2021 17:05

I would be happy and proud of my daughter. I couldn’t imagine EVER warning her on a threatening way ‘not to step on my toes’

Your mum sounds a little vicious, especially if you do have different clientele.

Higgeldypiggeldy35 · 08/10/2021 17:05

I can't imagine being competitive with my own children. Surely she should be celebrating your successes and be openly and rightly proud of you. Her whole attitude confuses me.

speakout · 08/10/2021 17:06

Higgeldypiggeldy35
I can't imagine being competitive with my own children. Surely she should be celebrating your successes and be openly and rightly proud of you. Her whole attitude confuses me.

I agree.

speakout · 08/10/2021 17:07

Oneborneverydecade

No I don't sell sex toys.

minimecantrollerskate · 08/10/2021 17:11

YANBU, it is a free country and your are not offering exactly the same as your mum and you specialise in one industry.

She needs to get a grip and get over it

ShagMeRiggins · 08/10/2021 17:15

I can't imagine being competitive with my own children.

I can, but it’s when we’re playing poker. Sometimes chess. And especially any card game.

OP talk to your mum and ask why she’s upset about this. Then let her know how it makes you feel that she doesn’t seem supportive or proud. Have a conversation, everyone is an adult.

2Two · 08/10/2021 17:20

I guess she might feel you are her direct rival in terms of social media management in the fashion and beauty area? But that doesn't explain why she's only just become miffed if she knew about your line of work from the beginning, and it's not as if this is a small niche area where you are likely to be directly competing for the same clients - or if you are, you are probably one of hundreds of potential competitors.

OVienna · 08/10/2021 17:21

Your mum knows what you do for a job. How is it different if you are doing it freelance or via a formal business? This is what I can't get my head around. All that has actually changed is you have a 'shop front' for clients you were already winning work from, as I see it.

How odd.

thepeopleversuswork · 08/10/2021 17:21

I am astonished that anyone thinks your mum is being reasonable.

No way on earth I would get territorial about anything my child did to establish or build their career.

I would be proud of my DD doing this.

Your mum sounds quite nasty.

OVienna · 08/10/2021 17:24

Unless your mum would prefer you were unemployed. What are you supposed to do? Retrain?

abricotine · 08/10/2021 17:40

@thepeopleversuswork

I am astonished that anyone thinks your mum is being reasonable.

No way on earth I would get territorial about anything my child did to establish or build their career.

I would be proud of my DD doing this.

Your mum sounds quite nasty.

I agree with statements 1-3; 4 is a bit strong. But I am surprised so many people have given you a hard time OP. That's AIBU I guess.

YANBU.

StaplesCorner · 08/10/2021 17:41

She can be annoyed about it and discuss it, but that's about it - FFS why wouldn't your own mother want you to be successful? You've done nothing wrong. What a cow! Very telling that some posters are saying oo poor mum though, I assume meaning that's what they do to their own children if the circumstances ever arose

IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 08/10/2021 17:44

It takes a pretty shit parent to react like that.

Leave her to her tantrum.

fashionSOS · 08/10/2021 18:02

She manages Facebook accounts for all clients.

You manage Instagram, Tiktok and Pinterest accounts for fashion and beauty clients. Do you really not manage Facebook accounts too? I'm surprised that you do most social media accounts but not all of them?

Fashion and beauty clients fall within the generic banner of all clients, so if you're doing social media for a niche, and she does limited social media for the whole market, you are competition. Probably stronger competition for that niche that she'd like. Especially given that Instagram and Tiktok are being taken more and more seriously for marketing and most people are more inclined to have a go managing a Facebook account than an Insta or Tiktok.

I'm not saying your mother's behaviour is reasonable, but I am saying it's easy to see why she's annoyed. You don't have a completely different clientele. Her client sectors include your client sectors, and you're offering a younger and more comprehensive service.

lindjam · 08/10/2021 18:05

Well with your update, YANBU.

Has she always been a bit competitive with you? I would tell her very little about your business. If she asks how it's going say "fine."

SpidersAreShitheads · 08/10/2021 18:14

@fashionSOS

She manages Facebook accounts for all clients.

I agree with all of this.

You've started up a business which will potentially compete with your mum's in some areas.

I don't agree with how she's gone about it, but you could have been more transparent, and considerate. You really can't see why she's a bit pissed off? I'm not suggesting that you shouldn't have set up your business but you should have talked to her from the start. Maybe you could have set up as a referral service to each other so you'd be offering complementary services rather than trampling on each other a bit?

I think in this case you're both BU a bit especially when this could have been easily avoided.

AlwaysOneMissing · 08/10/2021 18:14

Your mum’s reaction and childish behaviour is completely toxic.
You need to take a step back and think about her usual behaviour towards you, as I suspect it’s not healthy. This is absolutely not normal. Even if you HAD have started a business in direct competition with your mum, I wouldn’t expect this nasty response. Like PPs have said, a collaboration, or at least acceptance that you can both work in the same field would be more normal a reaction.

Original poster

Oopsnamechangex · 08/10/2021 18:27

Considering she set up my website - I’m not sure how more transparent I could have been. Also I don’t run Facebook accounts because I haven’t been asked to do so.

OP posts:

Original poster

Oopsnamechangex · 08/10/2021 18:28

Also, my website has a referral to hers and I have done PR for her too. Sorry, drip feeding, just trying to answer replies!

OP posts:

BoredZelda · 08/10/2021 18:30

As I said it’s not a rival at all - sorry I haven’t made it clear in my post

Sounds like you haven’t explained it to her either.

Jaxhog · 08/10/2021 18:37

@CuriousaboutSamphire

What you mean is

You: supply spare left wings for meadow larks and, as a sideline, a fitting service for meadow lark boots.

Your mum: bakes purple cakes for yellow dinosaurs and, as a sideline, offers a fitting service for dinosaur boots.

Same sideline service, different client base. Little, if any crossover.

Your mum is being daft. But, depending on how well/close you normally get in, you might want to make the effort, be the adult, and have a proper conversation with her about the lack of conflict.

Good luck

Beautifully put!

Treacletoots · 08/10/2021 18:46

I work in the sector (SEO, social, PPC etc). I think your mum is being an absolute bell end.

There's plenty of work and plenty of businesses offering this service. She needs to wind her neck in, stop.being jealous of her own daughter and perhaps realise you're free to do whatever you want. It's a free country after all.

TatianaBis · 08/10/2021 19:04

Did she really think that PR in the 21c wouldn’t involve social media at some point?

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