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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My mum hates my business - who IBU?

105 replies

Oopsnamechangex · 08/10/2021 15:15

Five years ago my mum started a business, which includes a certain service that I am experienced in.

Six months ago, I decided to stop freelancing for places and start my own business. Due to the nature of the business (PR and marketing), we offer a similar service as an add-on. This is very normal for PR agencies.

My mum doesn’t work in PR - she’s in a completely different industry, however also offers a similar service as an add-on.

My mum had always told me about her successes and I’ve always celebrated for her, however last night she noticed an advertisement I had placed on Instagram, which included information about this service.

I received a print screen and a text asking what I was doing, and since when had I offered this service, because this is what she does. I explained that it was similar but not the same service - and we had been offering this since the start of our opening, which she was previously aware of, as it is what part of our team specialise in.

I then received a phone call telling me ‘not to step on her toes’ in a threatening way. She then became very sarcastic and now, if anything good happens regarding my business, she rolls her eyes and moves the conversation on so I’ve stopped telling her.

AIBU to feel a bit hurt? As I mentioned we are not in the same industry and therefore it shouldn’t matter if we offer (a small part) of a similar service with a completely different clientele.

Or is she justified in feeling angry?

I hope this makes sense.

OP posts:
TakeYourFinalPosition · 08/10/2021 16:09

@Oopsnamechangex

I’ve outed it enough so might as well do so:

She builds websites, manages her clients Facebook

I work in PR, manage our clients Instagrams

she works with a range of clients, we only specialise in fashion and beauty

Those aren’t massively different at all. You’re both offering the same side service. Clients are going to pay her to manage Facebook and you to do their Instagram… and you might have a specialism, but if she doesn’t, you have cut into her market.

I can see why she’s annoyed, to be honest, especially if you’re advertising the side service.

fruitbrewhaha · 08/10/2021 16:09

But can she bake me a cake?

Eddielzzard · 08/10/2021 16:09

She's being utterly ridiculous

2020nymph · 08/10/2021 16:09

@CuriousaboutSamphire

What you mean is

You: supply spare left wings for meadow larks and, as a sideline, a fitting service for meadow lark boots.

Your mum: bakes purple cakes for yellow dinosaurs and, as a sideline, offers a fitting service for dinosaur boots.

Same sideline service, different client base. Little, if any crossover.

Your mum is being daft. But, depending on how well/close you normally get in, you might want to make the effort, be the adult, and have a proper conversation with her about the lack of conflict.

Good luck

Love this explanation! 🤣🦕

lifecoachingandotherbollocks · 08/10/2021 16:10

Wow I’d expect your mum to be happy for you

ILoveJamaica · 08/10/2021 16:10

Really hard to explain without outing her business

Unless she is the only person in the UK to have this kind of business, I doubt it would be "outing". And it's impossible to comment without the detail and context.

ILoveJamaica · 08/10/2021 16:13

I’ve outed it enough so might as well do so:

She builds websites, manages her clients Facebook

I work in PR, manage our clients Instagrams

she works with a range of clients, we only specialise in fashion and beauty

Apologies, I see now that you have explained. I'm amazed anyone makes a living from this.

Cruiser11 · 08/10/2021 16:14

So there’s no cakes involved?

ChargingBuck · 08/10/2021 16:15

@ILoveJamaica

I’ve outed it enough so might as well do so:

She builds websites, manages her clients Facebook

I work in PR, manage our clients Instagrams

she works with a range of clients, we only specialise in fashion and beauty

Apologies, I see now that you have explained. I'm amazed anyone makes a living from this.

Grin Grin Grin

Millions of people make their living from this.

Cocomarine · 08/10/2021 16:15

@ILoveJamaica you’re amazed? Which year did you go into the coma from which you’ve just awoken? 🤣

HebalGerbil · 08/10/2021 16:19

Sorry but this is bloody weird.

One of my cousins is a mechanic with their own business.

His daughter, the same. Got her love of cars from her dad. Started her own place, same town even.

He does not have a pop at her if she fixes Bob's motor in the belief that Bob was his client by rights as the senior family mechanic.

There are other mechanics in the wider family too. Never heard a one of them being snarky and competitive with each other.

Some specialise in high end sports cars and they don't get arsey with the ones who fix a broad range of everyday less expensive cars. That's what your mum is doing, sort of in reverse, but the same thing.

To use the cake analogy again, it's like your mum is getting nasty with you because she makes and sells bespoke cupcakes and you have the sheer nerve to make giant wedding cakes for rich clients.

There's plenty of work to go around in near enough every industry or service sector etc. There's no one person or business able to cope with the entirety of global demand in any given sector.

To put it shorter, your mother is acting like a selfish entitled arsehole.

MrsBobDylan · 08/10/2021 16:25

Even if it was the same service fgs, you have a separate client base.

It's like saying that a high street can only have one cafe because otherwise they would be in competition with each other. Well, of course they are, that's what keeps standards high and promotes innovation.

Your Mum sounds as though she is very jealous of you op, which is very sad.

speakout · 08/10/2021 16:27

Pity you can't join forces! I wish I had a mother who had her own business.

I have my own small business too- but my mother is embarrased by my work, even my sister doesn't know what I do.
My mother lies to our family and friends - I have to collude with her as I know she would lose friendships if they knew what I do.
Sje lives with me, and I work from home,so if she has friends to visit I have to clear up and remove items that may cause offence!!

SlipperTripper · 08/10/2021 16:27

Surely there's a very narrow market for either business if you both only handle one social platform?

Are you not looking at TikTok, FB, Twitter as well as Insta? And likewise your mum? Seems a weird package to deliver to only offer a tiny selection of the social requirements.

Pinklioness · 08/10/2021 16:28

If anything she's treading on your toes by expanding from web design to FB PR. Your business is much more related to managing someone's social media account.

She's being unreasonable, definitely!

SmallPrawnEnergy · 08/10/2021 16:29

Facebook and Instagram need very different strategies. You have different audiences. You probably have different ways of marketing yourselves and different appeal factors to the clients. She’s being insecure and needs to give her head a wobble.
This.

I’d even go as far as saying she doesn’t have a very good grasp on her / your job if she thinks they are remotely the same.

BertramLacey · 08/10/2021 16:31

@Oopsnamechangex

I’ve outed it enough so might as well do so:

She builds websites, manages her clients Facebook

I work in PR, manage our clients Instagrams

she works with a range of clients, we only specialise in fashion and beauty

Oh she's being weird then. My mum can be highly competitive with me and very undermining of my efforts at times. Could yours be doing something similar? Sounds like it's not a business worry but a more personal thing.
SpiceRat · 08/10/2021 16:32

@Pinklioness

If anything she's treading on your toes by expanding from web design to FB PR. Your business is much more related to managing someone's social media account.

She's being unreasonable, definitely!

I agree with this. PR and managing social media is a lot more logical than building websites then managing Facebook, it’s weird someone would even want that service to be honest. Perhaps she doesn’t have many clients taking on that package so she feels threatened by you, even though they’re completely different areas. Your mum is being a dick.

Id just stop talking about work with her at all, if she can’t support you then what’s the point.

Lollypop701 · 08/10/2021 16:34

Ask her what she realistically expected you to do… it’s a standard add on and you’d loose clients if you don’t offer it. No business operates in a bubble.. people look for a service and you both have competition. If you offering this add on is such a big deal, her business model has a problem

goldfinchfan · 08/10/2021 16:34

OP this is of course only your POV. Perhaps your DM see it differently

She began her business first.
DId you do a similar career because of this?
Anyways I can't tell if you are BU or not without knowing mums side of it all.
Seems MNs are very quick to be down on your mum.
hmmm..

flippertyop · 08/10/2021 16:44

And you team up together ie can't she use you for insta? It seems unusual to only specialise in one social media platform though??

Original poster
Oopsnamechangex · 08/10/2021 16:53

Sorry, we also specialise in TikTok and Pinterest!

OP posts:
HarrisonStickle · 08/10/2021 16:56

I’m not being obtuse, and I’m all for an easily understood example. But honestly if we were talking about 2 men do you think the go to example would have been baking?

Now that would have involved football and the offside rule for sure.

JapanJetplane · 08/10/2021 17:00

@Newwifeatnumber10

It’s a bit confusing but I think I get the jist. You’ve effectively started a strain of your business that competes with your mum and you’re surprised she’s annoyed?
Wow, your powers of comprehension are… not good.
Branleuse · 08/10/2021 17:01

Tell her that youre really surprised that shes decided to see you as competition rather than being supportive of your career even if you were in the same industry, youd hope she would want to see her child succeed in life, but seeing as its a completely different industry and not even close to stepping on toes that its even more baffling