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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel upset that nanny said..

80 replies

Purplelemon7 · 08/10/2021 13:16

That my child’s speech delay is down to me not taking him out enough to interact with people. She proceeded to tell me it’s ok and she was the same when her kids were young and her husband was out working and she had no one to interact with. Strange comparison as I’m not a SAHM but I do work from home. I didn’t say anything at the time but it annoys me because he’s at nursery part time and part time with her (whilst I work full time) and on the weekends we pretty much always have something on at least on one day.

OP posts:
ArchieStar · 08/10/2021 13:18

Gah sorry you had this OP. Get a new nanny!

nc4565 · 08/10/2021 13:20

Ignore her.

I'm a SAHM, my first DC needed speech therapy, my second DC was speaking full sentences at age 2. Every child is different.

SoniaFouler · 08/10/2021 13:21

Fire her if you feel uncomfortable by her

lifecoachingandotherbollocks · 08/10/2021 13:26

Erm, thats rubbish! If it down to to you that is must be down to her too if she has sole charge, part of the week!!

Fimofriend · 08/10/2021 13:26

Why should you take him out in order for him to interact with people? He can interact with you and DH. You can read to him and it is usually recommended to comment on some of the things you do. Like for instance:
"Yes, mum will get you your food in a minute. I just need to find the small pot first so I can heat your food on the stove. Oh, here is the small pot."
"We'll need to put on our weatherproof jackets as it is raining a bit. Here is your little blue jacket and here is my large red jacket."

You know: A bit like in Peppa Pig, where they tend to comment on everything you do. (which is also why Peppa Pig is a good tool for kids to learn new languages. Find the show on Youtube in the language you want).

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 08/10/2021 13:32

I would have challenged her at the time. It wouldn’t put me off having her as a nanny.

ChristmasFluff · 08/10/2021 13:34

It would put me off having her as a nanny, because nannies are supposed to know about child development, and she's talking shite.

If you mean au pair or childminder, fair enough if they have their own crackers opinions. But a nanny? Nope.

MarmaladeToastAndAMarmaladeCat · 08/10/2021 13:36

She’s full of shit. My ds1 has a speech delay. I took him out to groups pretty much daily. Had loads of one on one interaction with me (which I why I HATE it when people tell me speech delays are caused by lack of interaction)

Ds2 didn’t get half of the one on one interaction ds1 had and we didn’t go out nearly as much. (I have an 18 month age gap so most days of his babyhood were purely survival mode) and he started speaking in full sentences from 14 months. It was only then I realised how little to do with me their speech was.

I’d really reconsider her as a nanny she sounds judgemental.

Original poster
Purplelemon7 · 08/10/2021 13:46

She’s a great nanny otherwise. As others have said above though she seems judgemental and it is making me uncomfortable. Maybe I need to work on not caring what people think/say :(

OP posts:
Newusernamelalala · 08/10/2021 13:59

That makes no sense at all! If the speech delay was down to who he is being looked after (which I doubt!) it would be down to the nanny and the nursery if he’s with them 5 days a week. That would really piss me off

BoredZelda · 08/10/2021 14:02

She’s a great nanny otherwise. As others have said above though she seems judgemental and it is making me uncomfortable. Maybe I need to work on not caring what people think/say

This is the same low bar that people let partners limbo under when they say “he’s a great dad..”

She isn’t a good nanny because she is making inappropriate comments and is regurgitating a tired old myth. How many other old wives tales does she believe?

Bin her.

Magicalwoodlands · 08/10/2021 14:02

It definitely wasn’t her place to say it but I will say I do think children who don’t get out much tend to have delayed speech, often because of screens, I think. I’m NOT saying this is the case for you, @Purplelemon7 but as a general point I don’t disagree with it.

Original poster
Purplelemon7 · 08/10/2021 14:10

Yeah screen time isn’t an issue here. My son has an hour a week at the most. She was dismissive of us having speech therapy because it’s not that bad, her kids were the same etc but then she dropped in this comment about how it’s our fault and I was a bit annoyed. DH thinks she’s a bit ‘simple’ and doesn’t understand that working from home isn’t a joke.

OP posts:
notsogreenthumb · 08/10/2021 14:15

I wouldn't bother with her and would have challenged her at the time. Everyone feels the need to comment on others children so it doesn't really affect me. If she's a good nanny otherwise just learn to challenge her OP and just quite bluntly tell her you don't appreciate her opinions. Who cares what she thinks?

girlmom21 · 08/10/2021 14:19

My DD learnt to talk during covid. She saw nobody except us throughout the lockdowns as we followed all the rules. She doesn't have a speech delay.

This isn't your fault. Your nanny is a knob.

Cuck00soup · 08/10/2021 14:27

Firstly, it's very individual and not a race. Most children get there at their own pace.

Secondly, surely she has some responsibility here?

What may be relevant though is about how much your DC hears you & DH speaking to each other. DH & I interacted with our DC 1 on 1, but because we worked shifts around each other our first DC didn't get to hear adult talk as often. After we had changed working patterns our last child got to sit at the dining table from early on, listening and joining in with family rows life. Probably not a surprise that her speech was better at an early age.

SixTwirlingTutus · 08/10/2021 14:30

I would get rid of her. She is judgemental and talking shite.

My older one had significant speech delay. The Queen Bee mum at all the social groups I took him to once put her head on her side and said 'Do you think it might help if you talk to him more?'

Um.....

(actually he had a developmental disorder and speech therapy helped.)

CoffeeAndKittens · 08/10/2021 14:38

When you say your husband thinks she's a bit "simple" what do you mean? Do you mean she has some learning disability? Confused. Are you in the UK? Is she a registered nanny, or someone who looks after your child, like a home help? I would expect someone who was a qualified nanny to know every child is different and develop at different rates.

Ozanj · 08/10/2021 14:39

Some children will learn how to talk early even if their parents neglect them, but others might need a bit of extra encouragement. It’s been known for a while that for a lot of children reducing screen them, getting out in fresh hair, running around in all weather, seeing a variety of different people (even if they don’t meet them) is as vital for development as time spent one on on. All things it would have been impossible for you to do AND do justice to a f/t wfh job. So maybe that’s what she means?

Lockdown has resulted in more undiagnosed delays than normal; some of it could simply be because the normal referral pathways aren’t open any more due to Covid, but it is recognised that Lockdown life has also had an impact.

Rosesareyellow · 08/10/2021 14:41

I’d get rid of her. What a rude thing to say and bullshit to boot.

waybill · 08/10/2021 14:43

How old is your child, and how long has the nanny worked for you?

MotherOfCrocodiles · 08/10/2021 14:44

Yeah if she thinks that surely it's her fault?!

Similarly remember nursery telling us we should work on dc1 playing with other kids. That's why we sent her to nursery- they had 20 other kids for her to play with and we had none!

Frymetothemoon · 08/10/2021 14:47

Nanny is a twit.

The child with the most advanced speech I have every come across was a child who was ECV and hardly ever saw anyone other than his parents for the first 2 years of his life.

Speech development is so much more complex than she makes it. Is she properly trained?

Original poster
Purplelemon7 · 08/10/2021 14:55

She is level 2 qualified in childcare
By ‘simple’ I think DH meant that she probably doesn’t appreciate that corporate jobs can be very intense even if they allow you to work from home
She’s worked with us for a few months and was trying to suggest any improvements he has made in speech are down to her and nursery and the delay is down to us

OP posts:
MrsClatterbuck · 08/10/2021 15:02

Have you asked the speech therapist about this as they would know about this a lot more than a nanny.