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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel upset that nanny said..

80 replies

Purplelemon7 · 08/10/2021 13:16

That my child’s speech delay is down to me not taking him out enough to interact with people. She proceeded to tell me it’s ok and she was the same when her kids were young and her husband was out working and she had no one to interact with. Strange comparison as I’m not a SAHM but I do work from home. I didn’t say anything at the time but it annoys me because he’s at nursery part time and part time with her (whilst I work full time) and on the weekends we pretty much always have something on at least on one day.

OP posts:
Original poster
Purplelemon7 · 08/10/2021 15:07

Speech therapist thinks lockdown may have had an impact on a lot of children but that’s obviously out of our control and not something we can be blamed for. The nanny was specifically talking about me staying at home and not taking them out to interact with people (like she used to as a stay at home mum) which makes it seem like she’s completely oblivious to the fact that I’m working and not lazing around when I’m in my room!

OP posts:
Original poster
Purplelemon7 · 08/10/2021 15:08

Or maybe I need to give her a detailed rundown on everyone the kids met over the weekend so she can stop judging us!

OP posts:
Wheelz46 · 08/10/2021 15:11

The nanny is talking nonsense and needs bringing down a peg or too and a lesson in communicaton skills. I would have been fuming if someone had said this to me.

My youngest had speech delay and I regularly took him to stay and plays where there were other little ones of the same age. I would also meet up with friends often, who had children the same age and of course would read lots to him too.

My youngest was late in talking, my eldest was early in talking, absolutely nothing to do with lack of social interactions. He soon found his voice though and now never stops! 🤣

LaikO · 08/10/2021 15:13

I think speech delays are common at the moment, with being in lockdown for so long. If you've spoken to a speech therapist I wouldn't worry, it sounds like you're aware of it and have been doing what you can to help, doesn't sound like it's anyone's fault, some kids take a bit longer and it's fine. 🙂

Seemssounfair · 08/10/2021 15:20

She is right, in a way that, children develop their language skills by copying what they are exposed too.

But she is very wrong to "diagnose" what, in her opinion, are the reasons for your dcs speech delay when she is not a professional speech therapist and then give you this unsolicited "advice".

Nip it in the bud with a lightly said - Jeez, why didn't I think of that?! Of course I know children learn from copying, it isn't rocket science, and of course we actively do that with ds when he is with us and not you, if only it was as straight forward as that for every child! You do understand his speech therapist is properly qualified to understand his needs don't you?

RedMarauder · 08/10/2021 15:21

The nanny was specifically talking about me staying at home and not taking them out to interact with people

Doesn't mean your child would be talking especially if you see the some of the same people all the time.

Children are individuals and get there at their own time.

Energy4You · 08/10/2021 15:24

She’s worked with us for a few months and was trying to suggest any improvements he has made in speech are down to her and nursery and the delay is down to us

I’d change nanny tbh.
She is judgemental and that isnt going to help your dc in any shape or form if she thinks you are crap parents

girlmom21 · 08/10/2021 15:25

Tell her her services are no longer required because you're going to follow her great advice and become a SAHM.
Then find a nanny who wants to help, not judge.

ThreeLittleDots · 08/10/2021 15:26

I think she's talking bollocks. My daughter for several reasons had limited exposure to lots of socialising during her first few years, with no speech problems. Many times her primary carer for the week was definitely Cbeebies. She's now on the gifted & talented programme in secondary.

Ozanj · 08/10/2021 15:28

@Purplelemon7

She is level 2 qualified in childcare By ‘simple’ I think DH meant that she probably doesn’t appreciate that corporate jobs can be very intense even if they allow you to work from home She’s worked with us for a few months and was trying to suggest any improvements he has made in speech are down to her and nursery and the delay is down to us
I do think she might have a point. As I said it would not have been possible for you to do justice to a f/t wfh job AND do everything required for DS speech and language development. Not having a go but this is why nurseries, childminders and nannies exist - so they can plug in the gaps. I think you need to take this less personally as an attack on you and instead reframe it that you have excellent childcare now so your child’s development needs can now be met in full.
Original poster
Purplelemon7 · 08/10/2021 15:32

@ozanj I’ve never worked from home AND been responsible for childcare, that’s why I have a nanny and nursery in place. I look after the children in the evenings and on weekends when I’m not working and during the day they have childcare like many working parents

OP posts:
Plumtree391 · 08/10/2021 15:32

IG -NORE

fluffythedragonslayer · 08/10/2021 15:39

I was told my son's speech delay was down to me not talking enough to him by an interfering person. Turned out it was down to his hearing impairment.

Same person also told me the reason my 2nd son wasn't walking at age 14months was because we lived in a tiny flat and there wasn't enough space for him to do so.

People are full of shit. I'd be concerned if it were my nanny spouting this crap though!!

SpiderinaWingMirror · 08/10/2021 15:40

Bollocks. Of course in extreme cases if parents aren't speaking to their kids it's an issue.
My eldest spoke in complete sentences at 18 months, middle one at about 2. Youngest had so much speech therapy it nearly broke me but by the time she was 6 she was understandable and had overcome a stammer.

Pollywants · 08/10/2021 15:45

If she's in charge of him during the day wouldn't she be the one responsible for taking him out to socialize? What does she do with him all day?
She basically insulted her own ability to do her job?

Original poster
Purplelemon7 · 08/10/2021 15:51

@Pollywants Yes I don’t think she has thought it through. Either she expects me to be taking him out whilst I’m working (when she’s supposed to be looking after him), or she thinks we should have flouted the lockdown rules that were in place before she joined us and taken him out then or she thinks we don’t take him out on the weekend when she’s not here to see what we get up to. Don’t know which it is!

OP posts:
AnotherName456 · 08/10/2021 15:55

She's a bitch, get rid of her ASAP. My daughter is Autistic (not suggesting that's why your child has a speech delay btw) but several people told me the same thing, even our GP.

Pollywants · 08/10/2021 16:00

I don't know how much socializing matters for speech delays? I mean the brain works how it works, and everyone's is unique. A lot of speech delay children are in full time day care. It's the therapy that actually matters more. Identifying the trouble spots, etc.

silverbubbles · 08/10/2021 16:10

She sounds really stupid and irritating.

RedMarauder · 08/10/2021 16:10

@AnotherName456

She's a bitch, get rid of her ASAP. My daughter is Autistic (not suggesting that's why your child has a speech delay btw) but several people told me the same thing, even our GP.
OP I just realised you posted in this in AIBU.

YABU to keep employing that nanny. See if you can put your child in nursery full-time or find another nanny.

MyPatronusIsACat · 08/10/2021 16:14

@silverbubbles

She sounds really stupid and irritating.
This. ^
MyPatronusIsACat · 08/10/2021 16:15

@silverbubbles

She sounds really stupid and irritating.
This.. ^
MyPatronusIsACat · 08/10/2021 16:18

Not sure why that posted tice! Confused

MyPatronusIsACat · 08/10/2021 16:19

*TWICE

MyPatronusIsACat · 08/10/2021 16:21

That my child’s speech delay is down to me not taking him out enough to interact with people. She proceeded to tell me it’s ok and she was the same when her kids were young and her husband was out working and she had no one to interact with.

Strange comparison as I’m not a SAHM but I do work from home. I didn’t say anything at the time but it annoys me because he’s at nursery part time and part time with her (whilst I work full time) and on the weekends we pretty much always have something on at least on one day.

@Purplelemon7 WOW, what a rude and nasty and judgemental thing for your nanny to say. YANBU. I would fire her for sure. It was WELL out of order for her to say what she did,.

She is also massively full of shit. Not mixing with lots of people has FUCK-ALL to do with a child having delayed speech! If that's the case, we have MILLIONS of young children, who are going to be a year and a half behind on their speech because of covid lockdowns and not being at school half the time...

And the patronising 'oooh don't worry, my children were also behind ... because I didn't get out much' is so bitchy and obnoxious... What a cow. Fire her.

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