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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel mentally unable to isolate?

80 replies

beewritesx · 08/10/2021 08:46

Disclaimer: I'm not fully vaccinated because I'm worried about irregularity of my periods.

My Dad has terminal cancer and has been given days/weeks. We've always been close so I'm absolutely devastated. He had a Covid test before going to the hospital and it's basically inconclusive (a weak result) but they're treating it as a positive case - even though he has NO symptoms and neither does anyone in the household. My Mum was contacted by Track & Trace and she forgot to mention my name when asked who she has been in contact with.

It's been three days since seeing my Dad and I've taken three LFT tests - all negative. No friends or family who've had contact with Dad in these past few weeks have had any symptoms of Covid and the hospital have confirmed my Dad has no symptoms, despite being terminally ill!

I know the law requires me to isolate for ten days, but to be blunt, I don't know if my mental health can take it right now. My DS can be very challenging and he needs a lot of fresh air and stimulation. I've told my friends the situation and they're happy to see me as they're fully vaccinates, anyway. DH is telling me that rules are rules and I need to follow them. So I don't know what to do!?

OP posts:

PurpleDaisies · 08/10/2021 08:50

He doesn’t have a positive test. They’ll need to repeat it. You can’t be told to isolate without an actual positive result.

AlexaShutUp · 08/10/2021 08:52

I'm sorry, I know it's shit, but I think you need to isolate. I have covid at the moment because someone I know made a stupid decision in relation to a "weak result". It isn't fair to pass it around to others.

Etinox · 08/10/2021 08:53

Keep taking lfts, get the second vaccination and minimise seeing people, definitely outside, no contact. If you’re allowed to, spend time with your Dad. You’re going through such a lot at the moment.

AlexaShutUp · 08/10/2021 08:54

@PurpleDaisies

He doesn’t have a positive test. They’ll need to repeat it. You can’t be told to isolate without an actual positive result.

It must have been positive because Test and Trace have contacted the OP's mum.

If it's actually inconclusive, they ask people to do another test, so if they're treating it as positive, I would assume that's because it is positive.

InDubiousBattle · 08/10/2021 08:54

Will they not just repeat your dad's test? Has your mum tested positive?

AlexaShutUp · 08/10/2021 08:55

Also, don't rely on ltf tests. I did negative ltfs both before and after my positive pcr. They aren't always reliable.

Quartz2208 · 08/10/2021 08:55

I would take a PCR test for yourself and take it from there. If it is negative after that length of time since seeing your Dad then you should be fine.

If not you know

Mamamia7962 · 08/10/2021 08:55

I would stay away from friends and shops etc but could you take your son on walks where you can cross over the road to avoid contact with people, or take him to a park where there are big open spaces where you can play with a ball or if windy fly a kite.

namechange30455 · 08/10/2021 08:56

I'm sorry about your dad OP. You do need to isolate though unfortunately.

A weak positive result is still a positive, not "basically inconclusive".

You have made the choice not to get the vaccine, due to concerns that don't have an evidence base. That's on you I'm afraid.

You don't want to follow the rules because your DS is "challenging". Does he have SEN? Why can't DH take him out?

PurpleDaisies · 08/10/2021 08:56

It’s a strange situation. Either way, the op hasn’t been told to isolate by test and trace so legally she doesn’t have to. Minimising contacts and being super careful about social distancing are really important though.

girlmom21 · 08/10/2021 08:58

You don't legally have to isolate but I'd make sure you're keeping your distance from others.

Get the second vaccine. Irregular periods are easier to cope with than ventilators.

AlexaShutUp · 08/10/2021 09:00

@PurpleDaisies

True, though I don't know where her mum stands legally if she didn't supply correct information? I was told that I could update the record later if I remembered any other contacts.

Regardless of the legal position (I have no faith in test and trace anyway) there is a moral aspect to this as well.

RobinPenguins · 08/10/2021 09:00

Legally you don’t have to.

However if you did, it would be a situation of your choosing through not having the second vaccination.

PurpleDaisies · 08/10/2021 09:01

True, though I don't know where her mum stands legally if she didn't supply correct information?

It sounds like it was a genuine mistake. How would they even find out?

girlmom21 · 08/10/2021 09:02

@PurpleDaisies

True, though I don't know where her mum stands legally if she didn't supply correct information?

It sounds like it was a genuine mistake. How would they even find out?

Maybe if someone starts posting about it online?

Bluesandtwos22 · 08/10/2021 09:02

If I were close to my dad and he was terminally ill, nothing would stop me from seeing him. Life is too short

AlexaShutUp · 08/10/2021 09:04

I don't think they would find out. The whole test and trace thing seems totally ineffective to me, which is partly why we have such high case numbers.

The other reason for high case numbers is people not isolating when they should. It's irresponsible to go round spreading the virus whether you're vaccinated or not imo.

TerribleZebra · 08/10/2021 09:07

Your dad must have had a positive PCR for test and trace to be involved. You have a moral obligation to self isolate if you know you have been in contact with a positive case. I've just had covid and I'm double jabbed. I wasn't that ill but 4 weeks later I'm still exhausted and can't smell or taste anything. I tested negative on LFTs but positive on a PCR. I was horrified at the thought I could have given it to other people when I was asymptomatic. Grow up and recognise your choices have consequences.

Movinghouseatlast · 08/10/2021 09:18

Why do irregular periods worry you so much? I don't understand this. Irregular periods aren't going to kill you, Covid could kill you or people you are in contact with.

catndogslife · 08/10/2021 09:25

If you were double vaccinated then you wouldn't need to self isolate if you had negative tests.
YABU to try to apply the law for vaccinated people when you are not.

TheChiefJo · 08/10/2021 09:25

OP, I chose YANBU for feeling like this, but I think you should take a PCR test before deciding to socialise. I hope it's negative.

I'm very sorry that your DF is so unwell. Must be a very hard time for you all.

Original poster

beewritesx · 08/10/2021 09:26

I appreciate that I've brought a lot of this on myself for not getting fully vaccinated!

I forgot to mention that I spoke to the staff at the hospital yesterday and they said they DID do another test but the lab lost it! 🙄 They're going to do another test today as the results were so weak and they should know by this afternoon.

Thing is, Track & Trace never contacted me in the first place so I still don't know what to do. Presumably, the same as my mum. I don't want to contact them as I don't want to get her in trouble. Her head is all over the place at the moment as she's been with my Dad for 34 years.

I'm also in two minds about whether to see my Dad. He requested to go into hospital so the "kids" (us) don't have to see him like that. Two of my younger siblings are away in uni and can't visit him due to Covid (one of them is desperate to see him!) so I feel it's unfair for them! My Dad is a very fair man and he's also very proud so I'm torn right now.

The self isolation is the icing on a very shit cake!

OP posts:

girlmom21 · 08/10/2021 09:29

Thing is, Track & Trace never contacted me in the first place so I still don't know what to do.

You do know what to do because most of the responses here tell you.

TheChiefJo · 08/10/2021 09:31

It does sound like an upsetting mess of rules. OP, definitely get your own PCR done first, then you can make a better informed decision about risks and what's best for you to do. I'd seriously reconsider the vaccine too.

JudgementalCactus · 08/10/2021 09:31

@Movinghouseatlast

Why do irregular periods worry you so much? I don't understand this. Irregular periods aren't going to kill you, Covid could kill you or people you are in contact with.

Exactly. Sounds like an excuse to me.

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